Whispered Words

Proverbs Fifteen

2012-02-01T21:20:00.002-05:00

Proverbs 15:3 The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.

Years ago I took ballet lessons. I was a Mommy to an aspiring dancer and decided to take lessons as exercise. The adult class was fun, and we were asked to participate in the end of the year recital. Outfits were selected and we practiced hard for our dance just like the other classes.

The night of the recital I was so very nervous. I was so unsure of myself and even a bit embarrassed to be on stage where everyone would see me. I prayed and told God that I wanted Him to be pleased. When the music began, and I became lost in the dance. Throughout the dance I felt God's eyes fixed on me. Like a beloved daughter, I danced for my Heavenly Daddy! I believed He smiled like the proud Father He is.

That was one of my proudest moments, but I have had moments far less. I know that God has also seen me at my worst. He has seen inside my heart when my words stung and my heart was full of anger toward one of His other beloved children. He has seen my every action and knows every motivation and thought. Every failure is seen in His light. His eyes are perfect.

My Father's eyes keep watch over me in good times and bad. He also watches over the evil ones who would defile His name and harm His children. Great love! He watches with love. He watches, waiting for us to watch Him and follow his ways. His way is love.

Watcher of Men, You love perfectly! You do not exclude those who fail to return Your love. I am ashamed that I have not always watched You love me and returned love back to You! Forgive me. I know it must break Your heart when You watch me turn away from Your love. Thank You for loving, forgiving, and blessing me. I want to be like You. Help me watch others as You watch me!

Proverbs Fourteen

2012-01-29T23:06:00.003-05:00

Proverbs 14:4 Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.

Where there are no children the house may stay clean. I thought that my house would remain clutter free when my kids were grown. It has not happened for me yet because I care for my Grandmen and Grandladies. Every day I need to pick up books, blocks, balls, puzzles and other miscellaneous toys. There are crumbs on the floor, and spills to wipe up. Sippy cups are in the sink and toddler snacks line my cupbords. Some days I don't mind the mess, but other days, well.....

The mess I deal with day after day is a reminder of the wonderful imaginations and relationships I have with the children I have cared for over the years. Right now I can count at least fifteen children that I have hugged and entertained me daily. My own children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren and others all have been under my feet and in my hair as well as my heart. There have been many more that have come for an hour or two, but still left precious seeds in my life.

What abundant crops are left by the children? They show me God in new and amazing ways. They smile, and I am filled with joy. They cry, and I learn mercy. They explore, and I see the world a new. I reap a rich harvest by allowing those little ones to mess up my life. I am changed by their existence. That is their strength. God has given them the power to change my heart, my world view, and my prideful spirit.

I realize that Solomon may not have had children in mind when writing this proverb, but God has let me see my life in his words. God has made these words come alive to me and I am humbled.

O Lover of Children, You have let me share in the abundance of Your little ones. You welcome them to come close to You. Thank You for letting me share in the abundance of childlike wisdom. Forgive me when I want to push them away because of my weariness or selfishness. Teach me to use their messes as opportunities to humble myself before You. You have wanted me to become as a little child, and these little ones You have sent my way help me to learn that truth. I love You! May I crawl into Your lap and wrap my arms around Your neck and call You Daddy? I want to be Your little girl. I know You will take care of all my messes.

Proverbs Thirteen

2012-01-26T21:54:00.005-05:00

Proverbs 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Friendship is a strong wind that guides our lives. No matter how strong we think we might be, we are influenced by the company we keep. The more friends going in a certain direction, the stronger the wind in our sails to follow them. It is wise to choose our company of friends by the destination for which they aim.

I cannot say that I have carefully chosen all of the friends I have had over the years. Most of the time I have simply let them happen. Friends have come to me through activities, shared interests and some through other companions. It may not have been the best way to find the wise and avoid the foolish, but once I learned about each person I was able to choose the extent of my relationship with them. I have been blessed with many wise friends. Though I have had a few foolish companions, they have not remained in my company as intimate friends, only acquaintances.

One friend I have known for over 50 years has proven to be wise. He has introduced me to many other wise friends too. Jesus has been a strong wind in my sails. He leads me to the right people and ultimately will lead me to an eternal destination that is heavenly! I can trust I will not suffer harm when I walk close to Him.

Friend Jesus, You are the perfect companion. Thank You for leading me to so many good friends. Forgive me when I let others lead me astray. Lead me in the right way. Teach me how to be Your friend and a friend to others too.

Proverbs Twelve

2012-01-23T22:09:00.002-05:00

Proverbs 12:20 Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, but those who plan peace have joy.

My grandlady, Paige, called me the morning of my surgery. She was worried about me. She said she was afraid that I would die and she would never see me again. I was able to diffuse her fears by asking where I be if I died. Of course she said I'd be in heaven. I then told her that she, too, would be in heaven if she stayed close to Jesus. So she had nothing to worry about.

Our little exchange brought her peace. She was no longer afraid of what "could" happen. She was only aware of what the truth of our relationship with Jesus and each other meant. That is what I wanted for her. I want her to have peace and joy, not the lies of the enemy. It takes planning to bring peace.

The planning begins with faith in the goodness of God. The foundation of that faith can make all things work together for our good. Knowing God's goodness means that I must spend time in relationship with Him. Like most every relationship, it is not easy. It is hard work and priorities must be made.

It is time to make a plan for peace that will lead to joy.

Lord, Lead me in the paths of peace. Remove the deceit from my heart and keep evil far from me. Thank You for the joy You give ! Thank You for the peace in my heart. Let me share it freely with others!

Proverbs Eleven

2012-01-22T19:05:00.002-05:00

Proverbs 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.

Embarrassing moments turn up when I least expect them. They surprise my puffed up prideful heart and I trip over my inflated ego, landing on the "Look at me" smirk on my face. Oh, yes, when pride infiltrates my heart I can be sure there will be mud on my face soon after.

Last Friday I had gall bladder surgery. All surgeries require some humility. I must admit, I fought this. I don't like to be weak, or even seen as weak. To admit my need for surgery, need for help getting to the bathroom, or to not be able to fend for myself is a struggle for my pride. As I work my way to healing, I am finding the wisdom in humbling myself, allowing myself to be the object of other's concern. It even feels good.

Great and mighty God, You are so good to teach me by experience! You let me fall only when it is good for me to learn the truth by looking up. Thank You for being the wise example of humility. Thank You for picking me up when I do fall! Remind me of my prideful lessons so that I will avoid them in the future!

Proverbs Ten

2012-01-21T22:40:00.002-05:00

Proverbs 10: 17 Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life, but he who rejects reproof leads others astray.

"This is my choice. I can do what I want as long as I don't hurt anyone." I have heard this excuse and maybe have even used it myself to make bad choices seem okay. Unfortunately it is not true. We do have freedom to choose, but our actions speak loudly to others who are watching and may follow in to sin.

It is especially harmful to the naive and the children who look to us for guidance. We can choose our own path leading to life or to destruction. Our choice can lead them to life or destruction.

It may be a very wise thing to turn around and look to see if anyone is following us. We may find children, friends, neighbors or even strangers watching our ways and deciding their choices by the ones we make. No one walks this world without someone following. For the sake of those who follow, we should step carefully. I have a favorite song that says, "Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful." Good words to live by!

Faithful God, you have asked us to follow Your Son, Jesus. He is a wise Leader because He followed You! I need Your forgiveness for those times when my eyes desire to follow those going the wrong way. I need Your forgiveness for not caring about those who follow me onto the wrong path. Thank You for being my hope and my Good Leader! Light my path with Your wisdom. Help me to hold Your lamp for others to follow!

Proverbs Nine

2012-01-18T21:14:00.004-05:00

Proverbs 9;11 For by me your days will be multiplied, and years will be added to your life.

My husband, Patrick, does not like to celebrate his birthday. I think he feels strange being the center of attention for the simple fact that he has lived for another year. It doesn't stop me from celebrating. I like to celebrate the years we live on this blue sphere! I have coaxed and pleaded with Patrick to join in the party for him! Sometimes it is easier than others. On the other hand, my daughter has a "Week of Erin" to celebrate her life. It is good to live!

Do you know anyone who does not want a long life? Who does not celebrate birthdays that add up? I suppose if we could remove all sorrows and pain there would be a rush to live forever. Funny, that sounds like heaven! It is heaven, and it is forever! Life forever lived with fullness in every way!

Days multiplied and years added come only by the God of Wisdom. It is only those days and years lived without Wisdom that we may want to subtract from our lives. I guess that makes a good argument to start living with Wisdom while we are young.

God of Wisdom, You increase our days and years. You do not take away, but there are times when I want to go a different way from Your path. It is then that I believe the lie of the enemy; You subtract and diminish. How foolish I am to think that! Forgive me, Lord! Thank You for continuing to add to my years by multiplying my days! I want to remember You and give You the praise every day and for all those growing moments!

Proverbs Eight

2012-01-16T22:42:00.003-05:00

Proverbs 8:17 I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me.

Proverbs 8:35 For whoever finds me finds life, and obtains favor from the Lord.

Seeking and finding. I am reminded of playing hide and seek as a child. Looking in every hiding place to find friends who are trying to avoid me. Hmmmm. Is God hiding?

I guess in some ways God is hiding. He is asking us to diligently seek Him. He is in plain sight yet we do not recognize Him immediately. I also think that He knows our need to have adventure. When we believe a treasure exists, we will look for it. He wants to be our treasure. He wants to be our prize!

I am so glad God promises the finding. There is no doubt that He wants to reveal Himself to us. We desire and crave love. Love is our motivation to seek the only One who is love. We love Him by seeking Him daily. In loving Him and seeking Him we find Love and life.

Lord God, You have designed us to love. Life itself is a gift of love from You. Seeking You is hard sometimes. I see the hard things in life and my vision is clouded. I have difficulty finding You in the hard times. forgive me for not looking deeper. Thank You for Your creation where You hide in plain view! Help me to find You and never let me give up the search!

Proverbs Seven

2012-01-15T18:43:00.004-05:00

Proverbs 7:2 Keep my commandments and live; keep my teaching as the apple of your eye.

I have always loved the phrase "Apple of your eye." I knew that it meant someone who is loved and cherished, but never knew the origins of the phrase till I read this proverb and decided to look it up further.

It seems the phrase is first used in the Hebrew scriptures and is literally translated as "Little Man of the Eye." It is the reflection seen in another persons' pupils. The apple of our eye reflects on what we keep our focus.

The Teacher God and His teachings are worth being the apple of our eye. I find it amazing that those who keep God and His instruction in the center of their vision will reflect God back to others. People will see the truth of God not the world.

Tim Tebow is showing the sports community this principle. He has made it clear to all who look into his eyes, that he is keeping his eyes on the Lord. It is not easy, but it is good and right. He is teaching others that no other person, not even self, can hold the place of the apple of your eye.

God, my Father, You give life and teach me the way to live abundantly! Thank You! You alone should be the apple of my eye. You alone should be the center of my world. You alone should be the vision for my life. You alone should be my delight! Forgive me when I let my eye stray from Your face and Your teaching. Draw me back into Your truth. Be the apple of my eye!

Proverbs Six

2012-01-14T21:35:00.003-05:00

Proverbs 6:23 For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life.

In my town of Apopka, FL, we have several street lights that are patrolled by camera. The camera's eye will catch you if you run a red light, and you will receive a ticket with a hefty fine in the mail. It has proved to keep most drivers alert to the changing of the lights. I like to catch a glimpse of the countdown clock in the crosswalk to see if the light is soon to change. It helps me judge my chances of catching a green light.

The knowledge of which lights have cameras, and the tricks I use to judge the safe passage through the intersection are my lamp and light. Without the lamp I might not be alert and without the light I might not judge wisely. If I fail to heed the law and instruction I will be disciplined with a ticket. Life is lived on the road of discipline. My actions will determine my corrections or rewards.

It is my responsibility to guide my car along the road safely. I cannot ignore the commandments nor forget the teaching I have received. I need to plan ahead and keep alert. There is wisdom in the light!

Holy God, You are the giver of the law. You have put the commandments in place for our safety and the way to live a good life. I do mess up sometimes and speed along the road of life being distracted from what I should be doing. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank You for making discipline a part of life. It is a good thing. Though it may be uncomfortable for awhile, I know Your Father's heart is full of love and wisdom. Keep me on the right road, Lord!

Proverbs Five

2012-01-13T23:32:00.002-05:00

Proverb 5:21 For a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths.

Mothers seem to have an instinct for seeing the path their child is heading down. They look ahead and see all the obstacles and dangers that may cause their child to suffer a fall or injury. When the babies are young, Mama tries to avert danger by removing the obstacles or hazards. As the child grows, however, Mom's cannot always be there to protect.

The Proverb quoted above is a comfort to me as a mom of adult children. I can rest in the knowledge that God, The Father, keeps His eye on the paths my children are walking down. He ponders them (or makes them level as my last blog revealed.) He may not remove the temptations or the trials, but He is always aware and ready to help if they call out to Him.

It is a good thing to know The Heavenly Father is watching! He even watches me for my Mom too.

Father, You are a good Daddy! You keep Your eye focused on the paths of Your children. You watch for dangers and I know Your word warns us to watch our step. You hold out Your hand to steady us over the rough roads. You carry us through when we cannot go in our own strength. We need You! Thank You for being the One we can trust for those we love and for ourselves! Forgive us when we fail to see Your goodness guiding us in the right direction. We love You.

Proverbs Four

2012-01-12T22:19:00.003-05:00

Proverbs 4:26 Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure.

The word "Ponder" in this passage could also be translated "Make level." either way it makes a lot of sense.

Our son had to move back into our house for a few moths until he finds a place and/or a roommate. With all of his things here I had to move the babies into one room. The problem was that they were not taking good naps when their beds were together. A new plan had to be made. I moved one of the pack-n-play beds to my room. It now sits right by my side of the bed.

There is only about six inches between the two beds. It is important for me to watch my feet when I pass by because it would be easy to stub my toe or even trip over the various parts of the beds. I need to be sure that my feet are landing on a safe/level place.

I I sometimes sing the little song with my grandchildren about "Be careful little feet where you go....for the Father up above is looking down with love, so be careful little feet where you go. It is a reminder to me as an adult to watch my steps. My steps will lead me to God or away from Him.

It seems to be important to consider the direction my life is going. I must be careful to watch for things that may trip me or cause me to stumble. When surrounded by the world, and all its temptations, I must choose my steps carefully. There is wisdom in pondering the path of my feet.

Father God of light, You are the light for my path. You lift me up when I stumble. You are my strength and my guide. I stumble along the path many times. I want to walk sure, but I often fail to watch for the traps of the enemy. Forgive me, Lord! Thank You for holding my hand and walking close to me always. Teach me Your ways. I need You!

Proverbs Three

2012-01-11T21:05:00.003-05:00

Proverbs 3:7-8 Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

Proverbs3:15 She (wisdom) is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare to her.

Wisdom does not begin with myself. I cannot look in the mirror and see wisdom looking back through my eyes. Oh, there are moments when I think I am pretty smart; times when I think I am the wisdom others need in their lives. But I am so wrong!

The wisdom that springs from my lips in those rare times, is the presence and the voice of the Holy Spirit working through me. Wisdom adorns my words like bracelets, earrings, rings, and necklaces adorn me. They are not me but a beautiful adornment that gives a sparkle to my eyes.

God shares wisdom and beauty, healing and refreshment are born in me! The trinkets I desire are dull and lifeless compared to her!

Father God, Jesus Lord, and Spirit of Wisdom and Holiness, You are priceless beauty. I am worth nothing without You. I have no wisdom to voice without You. Thank You for adorning my words with your gems of insight and wisdom. I desire more of You. I desire the diamonds, pearls, sapphires and rubies that You give. Your wisdom is precious to me!

Proverbs Two

2012-01-10T23:28:00.003-05:00

Proverbs 2:4-5 "If you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."

I love to read. Books intrigue and inspire me. I own a room full of books of many kinds. When I shop at book stores, I look at titles and the cover picture to get an idea about the book's contents. If I like what I see I may read the jacket or a passage or two, but I will not know what special places that book will take me until I buy it and begin to read.

The Scriptures are full of wonderful insights into living a life in relationship with God and others. Its treasures can never be fully uncovered. I guess that is why I can't stop reading it. I love the thrill of finding the priceless treasure hidden within its pages. The Word longs to be found. He has made Himself known to those who hunt for Him. When I take the time to read and reread the Bible I become rich in knowing God. I would be wise to enjoy the hunt and dig deep whenever I can!

God, my Father, You are the treasure I seek. You are worthy to be sought and yet I I sometimes read Your precious Word carelessly. I sift through the words without digging deep to find the Truth and the amazing revelations that You have hidden. Father, thank You for making this a fun and interesting way to get to know You! Thank You for hiding Yourself within these pages, words and stories so that I can find YOU! I want to know You more!

Proverbs One

2012-01-09T22:03:00.003-05:00

"If you turn at my reproof, behold, I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you." Proverbs 1:23 ESV

My Grandman, Jacob, likes to pull out all the books from my book shelves. I do not like to replace them over and over, and so, I watch him carefully when he sets his sights on the books. I call his name. I remind him not to pull out all the books. I tell him, "No!" When he turns and comes to me, I reward him with smiles and praises. I will choose a book and read to him. He is happy. Proverbs 1:23 gives me that same picture in relation to me and my heavenly Father.

Hearing His voice is an invitation to turn to Him so that I might receive His Spirit and understand His word. What a joyous gift it is! His voice. His Spirit. Understanding of His Word.

God offers me the choice. He gives and I receive. I receive by a simple action of turning. Turn away from darkness to the light. Turn. It seems simple, but so often I find it difficult. Temptation is strong. I want God's rewards to be stronger!

Father, You discipline Your children. You call out our wrongs and lovingly hold out to us Your gifts. Why do I run away from You? Why do I not turn to You when You call? Forgive me! Break my rebellious heart and teach me obedience. If I turn to You, will You let me hear You read to me and explain the words I want to know? Thank You for speaking out when I am tempted to sin. Thank You for being a good Father. Thank You for making me Your child!

A Christmas Story

2011-12-27T19:14:00.003-05:00

This past weekend I experienced a collision. Two separate occasions collided to create in me a profound awareness. I am not certain I can do it justice here with my feeble words, but I hope you will glimpse the amazing God who loves us within my story.

Friday, December 23, I received a call from a friend. She had a message from God the night before that she needed to find a recipient for her late husbands' wheelchair by Christmas. She told me the story of the search and discovery for just the right person to present the gift. It stirred in me a sense of God moving in a mighty way. I was so happy that she would finally be able to give away the wheelchair the next day accompanied by her grandson.

That night as my husband prayed over our meal I had the impression that we should ask my friend, Carol, if we could come along with her to give the gift. She was delighted to let us join her, and so our plans were made to visit the Russell Home for Atypical Children to present the wheelchair to Kenny.

Patrick and I had never been to the Russell Home. We were humbled by the gift that the home is for the families, community and residents. The Russell home is not a business. It survives with the generosity of donations alone.It is a light in the world.

Marie took us on a tour allowing us to see the home and meet the love givers who care for those who are so easily thrown away. It was there we heard the stories of people, like Kenny, who have found a family and are loved despite their inabilities to do much more than exist.

Later that night we attended our Christmas Eve service and heard our Pastor share a story that Steve Brown told about the ugliest car he had ever seen. The description made me a believer that it had to be the ugliest car ever. But on that car was a bumper sticker that read, "This is not an abandoned car." As I wrote it down in my notes, I was immediately drawn back to the Russell Home. I remembered those tiny twisted bodies and the uncertain eyes searching for understanding. I was certain God spoke to me saying, "These are NOT abandoned!" Yes, there was an emphasis on the "NOT." God had not abandoned those who would be considered the most ugly in our world.

I also realized that God has a purpose for these castaways. Could it be that they are a visual for us to see what our sin against God has done to our world? They carry a heavy burden, but God has not abandoned them! He is with them. He cares. He saves.

Father, Your children who suffer are never far from Your touch. I give You thanks for letting me see Your precious loved ones. Thank You for letting me see how MY sin against You has made our world so far from Your perfect plan. Help me to be their voice and to help them where I can! Thank You for Those who work at the Russell Home. Bless their open hearts and open our hearts to help them to continue their family.

P.S. The Russell Home needs a new facility. In 2012 they are asking each person who will to donate $20.12 to help them build a home. Google their name and help them if you can! Thank You!

Laugh with Me

2011-11-29T19:55:00.005-05:00

Last night I heard a friend say that we should start the Christmas season with laughter. I think it sounds like a grand idea! A merry heart is a good medicine, or so I've read (see Proverbs 17:22).

Christmas is a time to be merry. It is a season of joy because the Good News has been shared with us. God loved us so much that He sent His Son to make a way for us to be reconciled to God. I can laugh about that. It is not a laughter that is skeptical, or deriding. It is a laughter that bubbles up from within and spills out in a joyful noise. I am sure that God would love to see His children smile and praise Him through the joyful noise of laughter because they are free from the eternal consequences of sin.

Yes, there are still many consequences of sin that we endure here on earth, but eternally we will live forever in a beautiful sin-free place! Can you hear the angels laughing with praise over us? I sometimes think I can. They see Gods amazing grace cover our sin and they laugh with glee knowing that God has done a wondrous thing in us!

So, the question I offer you today is, will you laugh with me this Christmas? Join me in a symphony of praising God that bubbles up from deep within and showers the world with the joy we know in Christ Jesus our Savior; the Son of God, born under a star, laid in a manger, lived a perfect life so He could be the Lamb that was slain for the sins of the world. Let's laugh!

Joyful Lord, God of Merry hearts, You gave us a Spirit who seals our hearts with joy! You Are worthy to be praised with all our being. Thank You for Christmas! Thank You for all it means for the world. I want to splash in your love until my joy bubbles up into laughter for the wonders that You have given me! Let the laughter grow!

Desperate for Christmas

2011-11-26T20:05:00.005-05:00

Christmas can't seem to come fast enough for some people. We have seen signs of Christmas before Halloween! Thanksgiving was overrun with the sale spree of Black Friday that was pushed back to Thursday. Everywhere I turn I see people desperate for Christmas. Maybe they are only desperate for $mas.

As I watch shoppers scanning the items on shelves over flowing with many things, I am sure that though they seem to be running hard toward $mas, they have hearts that are hungry for a real Christmas. Jesus spoke to His disciples about this in terms of a harvest. He said the fields were white and in need of laborers to bring in the harvest (see Matthew 9:38 and John 4:35.)

What are our hearts searching for this Christmas season? Are we looking for the right gift at the right price? Are we seeking the hope of a brighter future? More importantly are we looking for the Lord Jesus Christ and His gift? What we seek for ourselves should we not also seek for others?

When I see people desperate for Christmas am I willing to offer them the truth? The harvest is ripe. This is the time to go tell it on the mountain tops, that Jesus was born, lived a sinless life, died in our place and rose again to someday come back and rule the earth! This blog is my mountain top. Do you have a mountain top?

Father, my heart is desperate for more of Christmas to live in my heart every day. You sent Your Son as a miracle gift. It is Your Grace and Mercy that calls our hearts to seek Christmas. Father, so many are lost in the glamour of the seasonal shopping daze. Let Your voice be heard above the crowds! Let Your truth touch their needy hearts and let Your Word fill their hearts with hope, peace, joy, and love. I choose to serve as a laborer in Your fields, Lord. Let my words bring You Glory!

My Stuff

2011-11-13T14:08:00.003-05:00

This morning our pastor spoke on The Theology of Stuff. Interesting title and his scriptures and insights made me think. The last point he made was that God is the owner of our stuff and We are the stewards. The most often word I heard today was the word "Willing." I love it when God takes me just a bit further in thinking about the sermon topic. Today, God again humbled me with the thoughts He gave.

God wants me to be a willing giver. It delights Him when I become hilarious over giving. That happened yesterday for me. I was so very excited to shop with my husband for our young boy who will receive our shoebox! I would giggle and tremble with excitement as I placed each item into that little box. We searched for a scripture to write on the box and chose Proverbs 3. It was our prayer for this young man. I was so very willing to give what I could. I could not help but be full of willing joy in giving! I felt God's pleasure too.

Before Sunday School I looked over the outline for the sermon, contemplating the points John would expound. "Who is the owner of my stuff," was one of the questions to be answered. I already knew that the answer was God. The interesting part was that God is the owner of ALL my stuff. Yes all of it! He even takes away our sin when we don't want to own it anymore! WOW! Now THAT is a God thing! He does not want us to own our sin and so He takes it. He owned it on the cross, paying the price that was rightfully mine to pay.

Lord God, Owner of all creation, You are the Good and Holy God who would own my sin so that I would be free to live. I bow my heart before You. I do not deserve what You did for me! Thank You for Your mercy that took my sin and owned it all the way to the cross. I want all that is mine to be Yours. I want to be willing to give You all: my sin, my things and my life. Today my hand is open. Remind me every day that You took the worst of me and You really deserve the best.

What If?

2011-11-11T11:34:00.002-05:00

What if I was judged as a criminal for being a disciple of Jesus Christ?

What if my good works were seen as a threat to the governmental programs?

What if my words were evidence used against me to prove I was a Christian?

What if I followed Jesus to the cross?

What if I lived my life always looking to see what The Holy Spirit was doing and dare to do it too?

What if?

Lord and Savior, Jesus, You dared to come and show all of us what it would be like to follow You in a world that did not want You. You were courageous and determined to do what was right and good. I don't always look like You because I am afraid to be judged wrongly. Thank you for doing that for me! It is through You that I can change and be more like You! I want the what ifs in my life to give You glory and not shame. Change me ,Lord!

Contentment

2011-11-07T22:27:00.002-05:00

"...For I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. " Phil 4:11b (NAS)

This verse was at the center of our Sunday School lesson yesterday. It has grabbed a hold of me and will not let go. I am wrestling with this virtue of being content in whatever circumstance I find myself. But am I to be content in all things?

I do believe God wants me to be content with my material goods. I do not need to chase after the things of this world that will never satisfy, nor last. It does not matter that my household furnishings do not make a fashion statement. I can find contentment in my clothes, food, and shelter, but should I ever be content with my walk with God? Or a less than satisfactory relationship with those around me?

In searching my heart I cannot say that I am content with my Christian walk. I, like Paul, press hard toward Christ. I want to be a disciple that does what I have read and heard, but I know that I am not there yet. I have far to go before I can be content in my daily living for Jesus. The same is true for my relationships with others.

I cannot sit back and pretend to be content with my marriage when I too often love myself more than I love my husband. My failures as a friend or neighbor also produce discontentment and urge me to discipline myself to be better.

Contentment. It is a two faced coin of being and striving. For me, my heart must continually chase after God and His place for me. It is only in Him that I can be content. Therefore I can only be content in the place where I am running hard after Him.

You, O Lord are my Hiding Place! You are my Strong Tower and my Refuge! It is only in You that I find safety and contentment. But, Lord, I will never rest contentledly and completely in You until Heaven is my only home. Forgive me, Jesus, for the times when my feet are slow to follow You; when my eyes focus on this world and fail to see that You have planned much more for me. Thank You for making me thirst after You. Thank You for allowing short moments of contentment to tempt me onward to find more of You! Fill me with a desire for Your holiness and You completness. I will forever need to seek more of You.

Frantic

2011-10-31T10:22:00.003-04:00

It has been many years, but I still remember the day a little bird flew into our porch and couldn't find his way out. The poor bird flew frantically about, bouncing into the screens and looking desperately for an opening. I don't think it helped much that the kids were excited and in trying to help by showing him the way out, They scared him into more panic. It wasn't until I brought the kids inside to watch quietly behind the window that the bird settled down and eventually found its way to the yard.

I had a frantic experience last week when I couldn't find the place I was supposed to be. Driving around and around where I THOUGHT I should be, and a few tense phone calls made my heart beat faster. I was frantic. I only wanted to forget it all and go home. It was important for me to take time, and a deep breath and ask for help from... GPS. Alas, GPS did not help and only confused me more. It was only when I set my thoughts and mind on God, who knew where I was and where I was supposed to be, that I was able to find the right place in a few minutes even though I was way off course.

Often I rely on myself, others and technology before I remember that the God who led Abraham from his homeland to the place He had planned for His people, and led the Israelites back to that promised land, could lead me to the place I am supposed to be. This is true also for my spiritual journey as well. He can lead me through my confusions, doubts, and mess ups to a greater faith and trust in him. I am so glad to know Him!

God, my Father, You created the four corners of the earth. You know every mountain and valley because your hand has formed it. You also know me, because Your hand has formed all of my parts! I forget Your love and care for me sometimes. I forget that I can call on You and trust You to take me where I need to go. Forgive me! Thank You for caring about my journeys here on this earth. Thank You for leading me safely to You at the end of this road. Thank You that You meet me along the way. I want to keep my compass set to TRUTH: You. Help me find Your way!

Conscience

2011-10-25T17:59:00.002-04:00

Adam and Eve hid from God after they sinned because they had a conscience. They knew they had disobeyed God's command and they also knew that God would know what they had done. It was fear and shame that made them want to cover their sin, hoping that somehow it would be enough.

My Grandman, Jacob, is learning new things every day. I love watching all of the children grow and learn. I especially get tickled the first few times they try to hide from me in response to their disobedience. Jacob has been trying to hide lately. He stands behind my chair and becomes very still, but I see him anyway. I call and he refuses to answer even with a little giggle of play. I smile because I am happy that his conscience is working. It is a sign of spiritual growth that needs to be nurtured.

I do not want to say that hiding from our problems or trying to hide from God is a good thing. It isn't the answer and will not resolve anything. I do think that being aware of our sin and letting our conscience move us to act is good. Our awareness of sin offers us a choice. Like Jiminey Cricket warning Pinocchio, our inner voice can keep us from falling into the trap of sin, or lead us in how to be free. Jacob must learn to admit his disobedience and accept the consequences. When he does he will learn a greater lesson: forgiveness.

Good and Perfect Father, You are the giver of a good conscience. You are the One we must come to when our inner voice judges us guilty of disobedience against You. Thank You for forgiving our sins when we confess. Thank You for setting us free from hiding in our guilt and shame. Let our conscience be our guide to You!

60 Years

2011-10-24T09:26:00.003-04:00

Saturday was my 60th birthday. It was a grand day with lots of friends and loving wishes, even from afar! I celebrated with good food, family, friends, and that made the day fabulously fun! I am so happy to be 60!

Some people have asked if I am now 39 and holding. I never will be 39 again and don't plan on ignoring the years God has given me since then. It is a joy to be alive and serving my Father in Heaven! Why would I hide the gift of years He has given me?

I can imagine me telling someone I am "39 and holding" and hear God on His throne saying, "And what about the other 21 years with which I have gifted you?" No, I never want to hide His gift of years. Life is a precious and blessed treasure. I choose to celebrate all my years, and I hope to praise Him and give Him glory all my days!

Father God, Ancient of Days, You are the Faithful Judge of all my days. You are the sovereign Lord who has determined my years. Thank You! I am blessed beyond measure with 60 years. There are times, Father, when I have failed to live my life to the fullest as You desire, forgive me. As I press on in years teach me to number my days and as they turn into years may You be glorified! In celebration of the day of my birth I bow before You, my Creator, Lord and Father.

A Penny Saved

2011-10-06T23:24:00.003-04:00

My younger brother is a numismatist. He has collected coins ever since he was a young boy. Mike shared his knowledge of coins and collecting with anyone who would listen. I listened, a little.

I never became a big enthusiast, but I did save some coins,I thought might be valuable someday. Today I was looking through the small box of coins I had, wondering if any were worth much. I checked each one for dates and mint marks and the wear that would lessen the value. It wasn't long before my mind wandered as I picked up coin after coin.

I began to think of all the people who had touched those coins. Where had these pennies traveled and how many lives were attached to one little cent before reaching my little box? Had they been found in a purse or dropped into a car seat or sofa? Were they lost from a hole in a pocket and left to be found on the sidewalk or street? Had they had a simple path to my small collection by being handed to a clerk and give out in change again and again? To me it mattered little about the coin and its travels. I thought of the people.

The little boy or girl who held tightly to the penny while choosing a piece of candy from the counter must have thought it was gold. The Mom who dug deep into her purse for those few cents may have needed them for milk or bread. The Indian head nickle may have been a treasure saved for a special gift. Those who held my coins are connected to me in a simple way. We both found value in a small disk of metal.

We hold money in different ways. Some of us cling to it, and some of us let it go much too easily. We help others, or we selfishly use it for our pleasure. Money is given in exchange for our work. Each hour of our life is worth the wage set by our employer. Money is an exchange for our lives. It is this that gives money value to God.

Our tithe is a giving of our lives that we exchanged for wages. It is a holy sacrifice.

Father God, Creator of each life touched by my coins, You are holy. you give life and take it away! You are a Generous Giver of life. Thank You for allowing me to return to You so little of what You deserve! Forgive me for my selfish ways. Teach me to see You and Your human creation as holy and more valuable than material things. I want to hold my life out to You with open hands.

Why Write?

2011-10-05T21:48:00.003-04:00

For weeks I have asked myself the question, "Why write?" A battle is raging inside of me, and I am ready to find peace.

I believe the battle is being waged by spiritual forces coming against my thoughts and desires. The enemy would like very much to stop the good work that is being done through my words. Even now I hear his whisper telling me "If there is any good." He lies,accuses, and makes me distrust the only One with which I can trust my life, my work and my purpose.

I confess that I have fallen into his sly trap for far too long. I want to be strong and resist, but it is so easy to believe that my thoughts and ramblings have no value. It is true that without the Spirit of God working in me my words are blots on a page. There are times when I write for my own satisfaction, my own glory, and with my own feeble earth-bound thoughts. But many times I begin to write with earth-bound thoughts and discover the Spirit rise up and carry my words to higher places. That is why I write!

My shield of faith is "And the Lord said to me, 'Write my answer on a billboard, large and clear, so that anyone can read it at a glance and rush to tell the others." Habakkuk 2:2 TLB

Creator God, Father of The Word and source of my words, forgive me for allowing the enemy to steal Your glory. forgive me for letting him take away my purpose. Thank You for calling me to write for Your purpose. Teach me to listen to Your voice and silence the enemy for Your sake! I write for You and that fills my heart.

Excuses

2011-09-20T14:48:00.004-04:00

It must be a human condition to make excuses. I know of no one, myself included, that accepts responsibility for his/edher actions all the time. Even when we accept the blame, we can find a reason why we acted the way we did. People, circumstances, our health, how we were raised or just how God made us can all become excuses for our actions, good or bad.

Recently, the Spirit of God open my eyes to the excuses I make. The first was in response to a Sunday School question: Why do we not hunger for more of God? Even the question begged me to face the excuses I make for being hungry and thirsty for the things of this world more than for God. I can think of pretty good excuses for letting the world and its lies take the place of knowing, really knowing the heart of God. However, my excuses most often involve my pride, yet they bring nods from others, Chrisitans included. But what does God think of my excuses?

The second mirror held up to reveal my excuses was a question from the study we are doing in Potter's Wheel: Why do I procrastinate with my writing if God has called me to write? Again, the question brought me face to face with not an explanation that could be accepted, but an excuse revealed as sin.

My excuses almost always include a statement avowing that I do the right things. I guess the truth is that I am not perfect. I do let other things replace my total dependence and walk with the Lord. Having my excuses exposed is the first step to repentance.

I bow before You Lord God Almighty in humble repentance of my sin of hiding behind my excuses. You have said that nothing is impossible with You. Could You have meant that there really is no excuse for me for not seeing and knowing You more every day and obeying Your direction for my life? Thank You for opening my eyes. Expose my excuses, Lord and teach me the blessings of being honest with You, myself and others.

Anniversary Musings

2011-09-15T22:06:00.004-04:00

A good morning kiss becomes a sweet and tender moment blessing the new day with knowing we are together.

A call from work cut short by pressing duties is still cherished because we made a connection with a few words in the middle of our busy day.

Thinking of each other, remembering the past and celebrating today with cards, gifts and a dinner out becomes a party for two.

Making vows again to start another year is the commitment and promise to love when it is hard, to stay when we want to go, to face the opposition together not apart.

This is our 38th anniversary. Our today. Our celebration. We are deeply grateful to God for the gift of each other. We give thanks for the grace and blessings poured into our lives. It has been a good day!

Father God, Author and Builder of the marriage covenant and bond, we give You thanks! You have given us good gifts in each other and throughout our lives. Yes, there are times when we fail to see the gift and only see the struggle. Forgive us. Open our hearts each day to see Your blessing in the face of our spouse. Teach us to recognize You in each other and let us live together with You in eternity!

Changing Course

2011-09-13T23:10:00.003-04:00

Dead ends are frustrating, discouraging, and maddening! After traveling down a road that seems promising, it is never a welcome sight to find it is a dead end. This is especially true when hopes have grown and dreams dwelt safely in our hearts for a long time.

A dead end means we must turn back and pick up all the footprints we thought we had left behind. On the way we search for another route so we can again move toward our goal. Often we simply let our thoughts travel around and around wondering how we got off track, or if our journey is really meant to reach the goal that now seems so far away. We feel lost. Our steps are sluggish, so different when we boldly started off down this road.

Hope and vision are the compass that we must follow. The question I must ask is where is the hope but in our God who has promised to complete the good work HE has begun? Where is the vision except the vision of His plans that HE has? Those good plans that do not harm? The frustration and discouragement of having to turn around and change course can turn into an adventure, or a time of growth through the challenge. It is a worthy effort to follow our hearts all the way to HIM who not only waits for us but also walks along side of us!

Present Sovereign God, You are with us always. You never leave us to find our way alone. Thank You! Forgive us for allowing the obstacles to shadow Your light along the path. Open our eyes to see YOUR vision and YOUR plan. Make our feet like hind's feet to travel with lightened steps, knowing You are waiting and walking with us all the way! You are Good!

Bullseye

2011-09-01T21:34:00.002-04:00

Two weeks ago I made a trip to Colorado to visit my Mom. We had a great time. I am so happy I got to see her new place. We did many fun things together but it was on my way home that something remarkable happened to me!

Many years ago I read that sometimes when flying you can see a rainbow that is a complete circle. I've always wanted to see one, but like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow I thought it would never really happen. That is why I was amazed on my trip back home.

Having a window seat, I was entranced as we wove our way through clouds and over lakes and cities on our way home. Coming into Orlando we were flying through big fluffy clouds and came through a clear space with low flat clouds lying between the plane and the earth. Suddenly there was a circle of rainbow lying on the cloud! Even more astonishing was the bright white inner circle that held a sharp shadowed image of the plane! It was an awesome sight, and as I turned to share it with my seat mate, it disappeared.

I've contemplated that wonderful sight over these past two weeks. It seemed as if God was shining a spotlight on the plane and framed it with His rainbow. The truth I came away with after seeing this wonderful sight was that God sees us. He not only sees us, but His vision of us is perfect, bright, and framed with His loving promises. Yes, He does keep us under His watchful eye and frames His perfect vision of us with a rainbow of promise.

God of Promise and beauty, Thank You for showing me this perfect vision. You are The God who delights in revealing Himself to us! I pray that I will never forget Your watchful eye is on me. I never want to forget that You love me. I need your vision and Your promise. Thank You!

"It Takes"

2011-08-30T10:50:00.003-04:00

This past Sunday my Grandlady, Paige, followed Jesus into the baptismal waters. It was not an easy trip for her to make. She faced opposition and disappointment before taking her final step announcing what her heart believed. She has given her heart to the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing that her sins will be forgiven and that He will help her to grow more like Him every day. It was a wonderful celebration with the angels and those who love Jesus!

My husband, Patrick, and I had the privilege of spending some time with Paige, and her sister Brooke, the night before the baptism. We had dinner and enjoyed a movie together. As we fixed dinner, Paige confided in me that she was a bit scared about the baptism. I asked her if it was because of the crowd at church, and of course she said, "No." She told me then that she was worried that it (the baptism) wouldn't "Take." I stopped and looked at her asking if she had not already made the choice for Jesus to be her Lord and Savior. She replied quickly and with assurance that "Yes" she had. I told her that if that was the case then it already "Took" because Jesus was already in her heart. She was only taking her first step of obedience in following her Lord when she went under the water. The conversation quickly changed to the movie "Anne of Green Gables" that she had watched the night before.

When I make big decisions that take me in a new direction, I also wonder if it is going to "Take." Will my decision turn out to be right? Will things work out like I want them to work out? Will I really be going in the right direction? Yes, I too sometimes wonder if my decision to be a disciple of Christ has "taken," especially when I fight the hard battles within me. The battles are the enemy's effort meant to make me doubt, but Jesus has already won the victory for me on the cross.

Like Paige, I need to remember the truth. The battle for my heart has already been won! We have made the choice to let His victory "Take" in our lives.

Jesus, Lord and Savior, You have died, been buried and rose again so that we all can have victory! Forgive us for doubting Your gift of freedom from the eternal bondage of sin. Thank You for reminding us in our baptism that we have put our faith, our trust, and our lives in You who are faithful, strong and the Giver of grace. Teach us daily to walk in your ways even if we do not understand. I am happy to have my Grandlady, Paige as a sister in Christ! You are Good!

Church

2011-08-25T14:34:00.001-04:00

I just heard someone say that people in America are not going to church. It was a statement made with an air of sadness. I have to agree that it is a thermometer of the faith of our "Christian" nation. Our thermometer does seem to measure a coldness toward church. Church attendance is important, but is going to church more important than being the church?

I grew up as a "good" Catholic. We went to church every Sunday and confessions every Saturday. I was schooled at the local Catholic school and it was expected that we make our church attendance a priority. I learned that my good attendance at church would be seen by God as a good life worthy of His grace. My problem was that going to church did not always translate into faith in God or a faith filled life outside of the church walls.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am very thankful to my Heavenly Father for the churches' influence on my life. Though I am no longer in the Catholic church, without the stories of the Saints, I would never have desired to have faith or to see that I was a sinner who needed God to save me. My point here is not about what the church teaches. It is that I believe the scriptures, God's Word, emphasizes going out and BEING the church, more than it tells us to go to church.

Of course, I know that I cannot be the church without going to church. The church is the Body of Christ. The church is where I am encouraged by God's Word and the fellowship of other Christians. But, I must leave the church building to go out and truly be the church Jesus desires. What is given to me in the church needs to be taken to those outside of the church.

Lord God, Head of the Body of Christ and founder of Your church, I give You praise for the role of church in my life. I ask You to forgive me for allowing the church to be a shield from the world instead of a safe haven where I can be renewed and equipped to go into the world. Thank You for the balance You created between going to church and being the church. Teach me to be Your church in the world that needs You. Remind me that the church is not a place to hide but a place to heal.
Labels: Christian, church, church attendance, God's word

Judgement Seat

2011-07-18T18:26:00.003-04:00

I had a day dream the other day. I guess I should tell you that my day dreams resemble night time dreams in that I imagine a story more than just letting my mind wander from this to that, like a butterfly flying from flower to flower.

This dream occurred after church last Sunday. I attended the marriage class and one of the points made was that our spouses are a gift from God to us. It made me think about my own receiving and enjoying the gift of Patrick in my life. That is where my dream took flight.

In my dream I stood before the Judgement Seat in heaven. God the Father sat on His throne, and I stood opposite Jesus facing the Father. Though it was a judicial setting, it also had the feel of a very intimate conversation. The Father and Jesus looked at me, smiled, and asked if I got the gifts they had sent me. I told them that I had received their gifts of Salvation and the Holy Spirit. They looked at one another and smiled knowingly and with a pure and holy joy. It made me happy knowing I had pleased them.

They then asked me about the other gifts they had chosen specifically for me. I was confused. They, looked again at one another with quizzical looks as if they wondered why I hadn't recognized their personal love gifts for me. It was Jesus who spoke directly to me saying, "Did you enjoy your husband, children, family and friends fully as gifts from Me?" I stood silent knowing that I often enjoyed my family and my friends, but never saw them as gifts from My Father and My Savior. I hung my head.

My dream ended there but the lesson, I hope, will remain with me. God has chosen specific people to be in my life. From the day I was conceived to my dying day, I am presented with gifts of people to share my life. These every day gifts can become ordinary if I forget that they are from God's hand.

Father and Dear Jesus, You are the most generous of givers! You bless me when I do not deserve Your blessings. Thank You for the gift of my husband, children , grandchildren, children through love, sisters, brothers, friends, neighbors. The list goes on and on. I feel as if I am a Christmas tree piled high with gifts, and it is all because of You! I am sorry that I sometimes don't recognize the gifts You give. I even wish You had given me gifts that were different sometimes. But, I remember Your smiles when I told You how much I loved Your gifts of Salvation and the Holy Spirit. I want to make You smile more! Remind me every day to see Your presence in the presents You give! Thank You!

Doors

2011-07-14T21:27:00.004-04:00

We bought a new front door today. It is beautiful, and I think it will be a welcoming addition to our home.

Doors are entry ways to new places. We walk through a doorway and the environment changes. Homes, doctor's offices, workplaces, churches, and stores all have their own atmosphere. The door is the gateway to whatever lies behind and often gives us clues as to what we can expect.

We walk up to some doors with fear, others with anticipation, and still others with curiosity. Some doors are meant to be opened by us and others need to be opened by the person on the other side. Some doors should never be opened at all, but we will talk about that at another time! Do all doors hold opportunity? I think the ones that should be opened do. Every entry we pass through presents us with a new experience or new people or both. We can learn something about ourselves, others or God with each open or even locked door.

Since not all doors lead to welcoming and happy places we must be prepared to face whatever may wait behind a door. Faith is the key that makes each door, no matter what lies behind, to be something good for us. Faith in a good God who promises that He will make all thing work out for our good is the only prerequisite for entering a door with peace.

What door will await me in the coming days? I don't know. I only know that my faith will make the passageway peaceful.

Jesus, You are the door to peace with God. You also knock on my door every day wanting to come in and commune with me. You are so good! Thank You for my new door. Thank You for the lessons from our world that teach me about You. Thank you for the peace that comes with faith and trust in You. Let my focus be on You and not the door I face. It is You I seek behind every door.

A Little Kingdom

2011-07-13T20:32:00.003-04:00

The building of our little kingdoms starts early in life. How do I know? Well I have had the privilege of watching the construction of little governments with at least a dozen babies and young children.

Our experience in the world even as newborns gives us pleasure or pain. We swiftly set up rules that will increase our pleasure and limit our pain, but often we have no control over what happens. It is then we make it known to those whom we believe are our subjects, that we are not pleased and things had better change.

Today, I watched my Grandman, Jacob, try to exert his authority over me in his mini kingdom. He points his finger regally, and I am expected to give him whatever he wants. He is sweet as pie if I do, but the contorted faces and wails come swiftly if I fail to do his bidding. He has not yet realized that my kingdom is bigger, and I have conquered many little kingdoms in my time.

The idea of each of us having our own kingdoms is not my inspiration. I've been a part of a marriage class at our church with Paul Tripp's videos. He has made the point very clear that our kingdoms war against one another. I have put his teaching to the test, and I have learned that it is true. We all have our own governments with rules that we expect others to follow. I have seen kingdoms grow over the years, but it is funny that I never realized I had my own.

In my kingdom my rules must be obeyed, or I get testy and sullen. I can even get angry and mean. If you are in some relationship with me, I will expect you to follow my rules because I am the queen! I seldom recognize your kingdom unless we have a clash of rules. It is then we begin the battle for supremacy. It is only after I have wounded someone or demolished their territory that I begin to realize that there is another kingdom.

God has a kingdom. His kingdom was brought to earth by Jesus and He invited me to be a part of it years ago. There are many days when I have surrendered my rights to His government and things go well with me and those around me. But, then there are other days when My kingdom raises its selfish banner and storms out to conquer my world regardless of God's rules or royal will.

I have felt the sting of warring kingdoms. Battles between me and God, others and the world leave me sometimes prideful and often wounded and sad. It is hard to surrender to God's government when I still struggle with a sinful nature. It is a challenge to stand firm in a world that rejects God's kingdom. Most of all it is a trial to join a family of mini kingdoms under God's governing rule. Thy kingdom come, Lord Jesus!

Lord Jesus, King of the Universe and Lord and Master over my kingdom, You are the one and only worthy King! Your Government will rule and reign. Your kingdom does not always bring peace between others and myself. Your government wages war on my sin! Forgive me Lord when I do not surrender willingly to You. Forgive me for rising up in pride and the boasting of my greatness, that is not really great. Let Your kingdom come and rule in my heart daily. I surrender again to Your will. You are my King, my Sovereign Lord!

Doing What I Do Best

2011-07-12T21:18:00.003-04:00

A square peg in a round hole just doesn't fit. Forcing the square into the hole will only cause frustration and exhaustion. The same is true for us who try to be something we are not to be.

When I try to be another Maya Angelou or Elizabeth Barrett Browning I lose a part of who I am. I become a crippled producer of the talents and gifts given to me by my Creator. I am made to be me! I am called for a purpose that can only be accomplished by being the complete person I am.

When you see my work, I want you to see the whispers of God flowing through me. I need to be the unique vessel that carries a unique message to the world. I am meant to be the square peg that cannot fit into another mold. I am also to be the incomparable talent that fits only in the place designed for me. I think you are meant for that too!

Creator God, You are unique and amaze me over and over again! Thank You for giving me a purpose and a one-of-a-kind way to fulfill it. Without You I could never make it work. I trust myself to You and Your plan. Lead me. Teach me. Fill me and finish me. I do what I do, the best I can for You!

Justice

2011-07-06T10:56:00.002-04:00

Justice cannot be served unless the WHOLE truth is known. I thank God that He knows all truth, even mine, and yet has mercy for HIS children.

The above statement was my response after much heart searching and seeking God about the verdict in the Casey Anthony trial. My heart was in conflict from the beginning. I never want to think that a Mom could take the life of their children, unborn or otherwise. I was, however convinced of Casey's guilt and more so after seeing what evidence the prosecution had. Yes, I understand that they had nothing to link her directly, but the circumstances do point to her.

I struggled over the verdict because I wanted justice to be done. I want the who, what, where, why, and how questions to be fully answered, but this is one of those circumstances where I must put my trust in a just and holy God who will bring us all to accountability for our deeds.

And, so, I have come to realize that in EVERY case, in every life, there is NO justice without the entire truth being known. In that truth, I must accept that the only true justice will happen in front of the judgement seat of God. Here on this earth we can only judge rightly by studying the KNOWN facts and handing down judgement accordingly.

The jurors in the Casey Anthony case did their best. The prosecutors did their best, and even though I do no agree with his methods, Mr. Baez also did his best and with passion. The case is closed. Casey will face a just God someday. If He finds her innocent then He will also know the truth of who is guilty and will judge him or her.

Holy and Just God of all, You are the only righteous judge. I thank You for seeing the truth that lies within me and judging me fairly and yet with an amazing mercy that I can never fully comprehend. Thank You for Your Son Jesus who took the punishment for my sin. May it be that the Anthony family will find Your mercy as well. Help me to be a voice of truth in this matter. I trust You!

Ten Magical Gifts

2011-07-05T20:37:00.005-04:00

I like to make lists of things I would like to have someday. Most of these things are listed on my computer in a file called "Gifts." I have books and music mostly. They are not expensive, but I consider them a luxury I would like to indulge in for myself someday.

Recently, however, a friend gave me a list of things to write about. Number three on the list is "Ten gifts I'd give myself with magic." To be honest I closed my eyes and went through a mental list pretty quickly. It surprised me because there were no riches, cars or houses on my list. Now don't get me wrong, after my first list, I did think it would be nice to magically give myself the house I've been dreaming about for a year now. And I also thought of a lump sum of cash that would help me finish up some special projects I've had on the back burner because of lack of funds. But looking at my first wish list made me realize what I really want.

Here is my list:
1.Wisdom: I don't need to wish for wisdom because God promises to give it to me just for the asking.
2.Liberty: God gives me freedom from all bondage's when I walk in unity with His Spirit.
3. Love: I am filled with Christ's love.
4. Relationships: He has also given me the gift of loving relationships in abundance both with family and friends.
5. Purpose: The talents and gifts God has placed in me have eternal purpose. As I use them and grow in them, I live with purpose.
6. Trust and Faith: These go so closely together that I couldn't pull them apart. In the past I thought I had to work at having faith and trust in God. I am beginning to see them as treasures that God gives in small ways like a seed, and then He waters and feeds them with His word and presence in my life.
7. Hope: Because I know Jesus as my Savior and Lord I have hope for my future. I have only eternal hope and no doubt that my faith will bring rewards.
8. Intellect: Yes, God has given me a curious and thinking brain. I am blessed to be able to choose for myself and yet able to think through all my options, of which God's way has always been found to be the best.
9. Joy: Even in the midst of trials I can always find joy in knowing that He is present in my life. Yes, God again is the source of this gift.
10: Peace: Finally, God gives me a peace that passes understanding. I cannot always understand why I am able to get through the tough times, but God's peace resides in me to help me through.

Okay, so these are not "Magical" and they are not given to myself by me. They are gifts from God. I don't need to wish for them or create a magic spell. I receive them as an inheritance for being a child of the Most High God!

I don't think I'll make another list. I like this one!

Most High God and Father, You are a generous giver of the best gifts! Thank You for letting me be Your child and for being my Father who knows exactly what I want. There are moments, Lord, when I want the other gifts more than Your precious gifts. I am sorry for being so earthly minded. Please forgive me! Continue to pour Your wonderful gifts on me every day. I will treasure all of Your presents in my life even those that are only for this earthly life. Thank You for them too!

Childhood Memories

2011-06-29T20:25:00.001-04:00

Do I remember truth about my childhood? I find it interesting to ask my six (yes, 6) siblings what they remember about certain events in our childhood. There is a mystery in every remembrance that I share with family. We can laugh or cry in empathy with parts of a story, but often there are parts I do not recognize. Each story is personalized for the individual.

Where can I go to find out the truth? Maybe it takes all of us telling our stories to see the bigger picture. Listening to my sisters and brothers tell about their relationships with our parents allows me to see a fuller picture of Dad and Mom.

One of my sisters shared Dad's love of aviation. She delights in telling stories about the things they shared. I love learning about all those wonderful treasures she found hidden in my Dad. But He was more than that! I enjoyed sharing with him some very special moments uniquely mine. Many of them were priceless images of his love of beauty and his art and creative talents. Each of us has something to share about Dad that the others need to know.

Mom shared her love of the church and her faith more deeply with my older sister. Though we may all have shared Mom's love of music and her cultural food dishes, we all seem to have found little unique treasures that we tucked away into our memories. Again, mom gave each of us unique experiences that need to be shared with the rest.

Our personal and unmatched memories are intertwined with each other. Our individual remembrances need not be a cause for argument or misunderstanding. They should be used as opportunities to fit the puzzle pieces together to see the big picture. We are a family! Family memories are a portrait of us!

Father God, Creator of the family and head of our forever family, You are wise and good. I thank You for giving me family. Thank You for the earthly family I was born into and for the eternal family into which I was born again. I forget sometimes to treasure those moments with family. Forgive my ungrateful, and selfish heart. I, too often, want my way and my memories to be right. Teach me to let the whole truth make my remembrances a clearer picture so that I might learn the lessons my family was meant to teach. Thank You!

Metamorphosis

2011-06-28T09:52:00.003-04:00

Metamorphosis is a process of change. I am not a scientist, but I do know that butterflies undergo an amazing metamorphosis. A furry and plain caterpillar will cocoon himself and emerge as a colorful reshaped creature that is free to fly. I think God delights in this change and uses similar processes for us.

Sometimes the process is a short one, other times, in us humans, it can take decades. How do humans metamorphose? I watched one yesterday.

I had the privilege of accompanying my sister and niece as they looked for a Mother-of-the-Bride dress. The wedding is only about 8 weeks away. My sister was putting off the shopping trip so she could lose weight. She began the trip apprehensive and uncertain as to what was appropriate, or if she could find what she really wanted. She was going shopping knowing it had to be done but dreading the trying on and the choices to be made.

My part in the process was to wrap her in a cocoon of prayer. I was asking God to do a transformation from the fuzzy thinking into clear thoughts and a beautiful feeling of freedom to be herself. God answered my prayers! I watched her search racks and reluctantly try on outfits, 'til one stood out as the perfect shape. Next it was time to decide on color. She had in mind what she wanted but hesitated because of what others were planning to wear. I encouraged her to let God and her desires be the priority instead of what others might think. God worked on her too, I finally saw the sparkle in her eyes and the beauty within unveiled! She will be a beautiful hostess for this wedding of her daughter!

In some ways, I am struggling to get out of my cocoon too. Are you in a phase of metamorphosis as well? It may be a huge change or it may be a simple change of thought or the making of a decision that sets you free. The God who made butterflies has sent us His Holy Spirit to lead us through the process! Little by little He will change us into the likeness of Christ and bring us to everlasting life free and beautiful!

God and Creator of butterflies, You are amazing in Your works! You are the author of change that lasts within us! You understand the process of dying to self in order to live again. Thank You for making that metamorphosis happen in me! Forgive me when I fight the change you want in my life. I surrender to Your change today.

The War Between Pride & Humility

2011-06-22T21:03:00.006-04:00

I am not looking for fame or riches. I am not seeking a spotlight for myself, or am I?

There is a part of me that wants very much to impact the world for God. I want to speak the right words and do the right things that will glorify Him and help people who are lost or wandering in circles to find their way to Him. But there is another place in my heart where I want people to notice me, know me, recognize MY worth.
Pride and Humility war within me!

Yesterday, I shared with the Bible Study ladies how awed I am that our God exhibits the character quality of humility. Because of His humble nature He resists the proud. God has every right and is the only one worthy to hold Himself high, but He does not. What an amazing God! He loves first, before He is loved. He lifts me up, before I lift Him. He forgives me, before I am able to forgive others.

God of wonder and Glory, You are humble in heart. You carry me through all my trials and triumphs. You do not grasp for attention or the glory You deserve. Forgive me when I do. Let Your humble Spirit grow in me. Teach me to depend on others and You more than on my own understanding and ability. Thank You for speaking into my heart first. Thank You for loving and forgiving me first. Thank You for giving grace to the humble. I need You, because I need grace.

Scotsman's Whistle

2011-06-21T08:20:00.004-04:00

When I was a little girl, I learned about many sayings and traditions of my heritage. My Dad was proud of his Scottish heritage and would playfully share little things he enjoyed about our bloodline. One of these was about the Scotsman's whistle.

It is well known that the Scottish are known as being frugal and sometimes even being tight with their money and possessions. It brings a smile to my face to remember the many times my sisters, brothers and I would suck on a straw to the bottom of our drink till it made a loud slurp. Though it may not have been a melodious tune, Daddy would give a little laugh and ask who was making the Scotsman's whistle. You see, a Scot will get every drop and the whistle comes from that effort to get that very last sip.

The Scotsman's whistle gives me cause to think about each day filled with so much to experience and enjoy. It is at the end of every day that we can look back and ask if we have taken every moment and savored it. I ask myself if I have used my Scotsman's whistle for every experience. So many times I have not, but I must admit that when I do my pleasure is complete.

It is my understanding that God wants us to live life abundantly and to me, being Scottish, that means He wants to hear a Scotsman's whistle at the end of each life experience. In that context a Scottish whistle is a praise to God!

Praise to You Father God! You are fun, mysterious, and abundant in life! Thank You for giving us so much to enjoy. I want to enjoy life in abundance, but so often I forget to get that last little sip out of life and thus forget that you would want to hear my Scotsman's whistle. Forgive me, and help me remember to breathe in every moment with gusto and praise to YOU!

The Faith of Jesus

2011-06-17T23:18:00.003-04:00

Today is my daughter's birthday. Erin is my first born and so I credit her birth to graduating me into motherhood. Our relationship has taught me how to be a Mommy and a Mom. She is a delight in my life and she gives me much joy. She pleases me by being strong, courageous, intelligent , beautiful and amazing! It also pleases me when she trusts me. She learned to trust me as a baby when I supplied her every need. Through the years she has learned to trust my words and my support. She believes in my love for her and that is good.

Without faith it is impossible to please God. (Hebrews 11:6)

I want to please God. I suppose that my relationship with God begins with faith. My trusting Him for salvation pleases Him. When I trust my Heavenly Father for daily needs, He is happy.

Father God was pleased with Jesus as He walked this earth. He spoke words of pleasure over Jesus at His baptism: This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased. (Matthew 3:17) These thoughts cause me to wonder if Jesus lived by faith. He didn't need faith for salvation because He did not need to be saved but came to save. Every thing Jesus did here on earth, however, was an act of faith.

What did Jesus' faith look like? He said that He did not do anything unless He saw the Father doing it.(see John 5:19) That is faith in action. Jesus depended on the Father to show Him what to do, tell Him what to say, and provide for His every need all the way to the cross. Jesus came not only to save but to model for us the faith we needed to please God.

Father God, I want to please You. I want to have faith in my every day life that will make You smile and look on me with delight. I don't always depend on You, though. I sometimes try to live my life trusting my own strength and wisdom, but it seldom works. Forgive me. Plant the seed of faith in my heart. Teach me how to tend it so it will grow and become strong! Thank you for sending Rabbi Jesus to teach me how to live by faith. I pray I will love You like He does, trusting Your goodness, faithfulness and love.

Enjoy God

2011-06-16T21:53:00.004-04:00

Over the last few months I have heard the phrase, "Enjoy God" many times. It makes me wonder what it really means, and do I enjoy God?

When I enjoy my Grandchildren I take pleasure in their voices, touch and all they do. My two youngest grands are with me all day and lately they have been putting smiles on my face and a sweet delight in my soul. They are blossoming in personality, curiosity,and exploration. It makes me wonder if I enjoy God that way too.

I enjoy God's word and His voice that speaks ever so gently but with authority to me. I delight in His creation. It is filled with beauty and wonder. He gives me pleasure as I learn about Him, but do I really enjoy Him? Just Him? Could I spend my days watching creation unfold, or look for Him in each person I meet? Am I entranced by His personality, the way He laughs or His tender heart for the hurting? There is so much to enjoy about God. He will never be dull and boring.

I could go through my day walking beside God and never really look over at Him and smile just because He is near. I could, and often do, but that is not enjoying Him. It is not what He wants for me. You see, I believe He enjoys me. Yes, simple and sinful me. He delights in my accomplishments and the way I try to please Him. He is my Father, friend, and King. I can live my life without loving my time with Him, but that is not His desire, nor mine! I want to enjoy God! Do you?

Awesome and delightful God of all creation and glory, You are amazing! There will never be a time when the newness of You will get old. I want to smile every day because of You being by my side. I want to dance, and sing, and play, and rest in You! Forgive me for the days when You become hidden and I enjoy those things You give more than who You are. Thank You for all of You and all You do! Come into my private world so that I can enjoy You and You alone!

Fast Words

2011-06-15T21:10:00.003-04:00

I belong to various social networks. Because I have a passion for communication God's truth, I believe that blogging, Facebook, Linked In and Twitter help me to get the word out. Unfortunately sometimes I become painfully aware that too many words, coming in or going out, can cause stress. I then demand a word fast of myself.

A word fast can limit my words, but it cannot take them away completely. I can limit the words going out, but often times my thoughts become an explosion of words waiting to find a release. A word fast can also limit the noise of others' words coming into my mind. T.V. Radio, internet and phone calls can tease and tempt me to allow and abundance of voices into my thoughts. A word fast may not stop the word rush through my brain, but it can hush them into a whisper that allows God's voice to be heard more clearly. It also allows my own thoughts to join with The Word of God.

I need to unite my thoughts with my Lord constantly. His word is truth, light and hope for me. And so, I will speak when it is time to speak, but I will fast words when it is time to listen to His still small voice.

Word of God, You are my truth, light and hope! You are always available but with so many voices, I sometimes do not hear You clearly. Forgive me for the times I allow the world to be louder than You! Thank You for placing within me a deep need to hear Your voice. I know your voice and long to hear it continually. Teach me how to turn down the volume of the world and turn up the volume of You!

Test

2011-06-15T18:48:00.002-04:00

I am testing the blog to see if I need to continue writing in the html symbols in order to have a break between paragraphs.

If this works it will make things so much easier! and it will look better on my blog too!

I hope this makes you smile!

A Time For....

2011-06-14T07:57:00.004-04:00

Everything has an appointed time in our lives. Lately I have been silent here in my blog as I've spent my words in other places. I want to revive my voice on this page, and so, I begin with whispers.

Silence, at first glance, seems simple, however, It is interestingly complicated and surprisingly noisy.

Being quiet is complicated because we cannot shut out the world. Our decision to stop our voice can be met with many unforeseen obstacles. Communication is a tool needed to connect with the world around us. Finding ways to communicate without using our preferred methods of using words, is an adventure. Opinions from people in our lives as well as our own inner desires convolute the terrain of silence.

Silence will surprise most of us with the noise it awakens! Inner voices, ourselves and God's, become louder and more insistent as we give our voices a much needed rest. Listening to God, the world, and our own minds and hearts reveals interesting truths.

One of the most interesting revelations I discovered in my blogged silence is who is listening to me. It is humbling to know that my words may or may not be all I thought them to be. I am also made aware of the wisdom of others when I quiet my own words.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I do not write so that I can do all the talking. I write for conversation. For this reason a time of silence is golden! I listen, learn and enjoy the voices of others. I long to hear more than the days events in others lives. I want to hear thoughts, ideas, emotions and wisdom learned. I am listening for your voice!

I am back, but I may have times of silence now and then. I will be listening for you.

Word of God, thank You for communicating Your heart and thoughts to me! You have communicated to Your people and I believe You want us to share with one another. Please forgive us when we fail to listen to You and each other! Teach us to listen before we speak. Teach us to lift up our voices for what is good, true and pure. In our times of vast communication may we not be a part of the city of Babel, but the voice crying in the wilderness to make way for Your coming! Thank You for the silence. Thank You for words to share. Thank You.

Imperfect Moms

2011-05-06T11:44:00.004-04:00

Mother's Day cards all seem to insist that Moms are perfect. I think we all know better, but Moms sure love to hear that they are perfect for their kids.

Some years ago, one of my daughters, whom I won't name, wanted me to be perfect, but over and over again I failed to meet her expectations. She was in the stage where Mom didn't understand or know that she was so very smart and wise and did not need my limited wisdom to help her become a successful and happy adult.

My heart ached for the choices she was making. She thought she was making good choices but as one by one those choices failed her, I sat in my prayer closet and prayed that all things would work for her good, because she loved the Lord and was called according to His purpose. I am glad to say that none of her choices were permanent heartaches. They were only little bumps in the road to true wisdom.

It was during this time that I wrote a poem expressing the truth about Moms, especially about me. I am including it here and in my Poetry Impressed blog in honor of Mother's Day and for all of us imperfect Moms.

Perfect Mom

I’m not a perfect mom.
How could I ever be,
When four small little ones
Once sat upon my knee?

My arms could hold not one
The same as for the next.
My mouth could speak no perfect words
There was no perfect text.

I could not do the perfect thing
Each special child would need.
I could not be someone I am not
For four such different seeds.

Somewhere in my heart
A perfect love does grow.
It covers all my sins
I hope someday they’ll know.

I am one imperfect mom
Yet try so hard to live
Loving each child perfectly
As much as I can give!

Carolynn J. Scully
©2011 (edited)

Father, You are the perfect creator of mothers. We fail to walk a perfect life and need Your forgiveness as well as forgiveness from our children. Thank You for sending Your Son, Jesus to be raised by one of us. Jesus' Mother, Mary, was not perfect and still You placed Your Son in her arms. Certainly You had a plan. I believe You also have a plan for my children. Take what I have given them and perfect it in their hearts. Let them see the perfect God through my imperfect life that trusts You!

Enjoy God

2011-05-02T10:25:00.004-04:00

I'm back! I've taken a short leave from blogging for a couple of reasons. I have been very busy, and I have also been frustrated with having to deal with HTML codes when posting my blog so they are readable. I have been pleasantly surprised and delighted at how many have mentioned that they miss my blog. Thank you to all who take time to read my ramblings. I always pray they inspire, encourage and maybe even provoke you to draw closer to our Lord.

I am reading John Piper's book, When I Don't Desire God ~ How to Fight for Joy Early in the book he discusses the idea of enjoying God. I put down the book after reading that section and thought about it for days. At the same time Patrick and I were reading our devotion book by Walter Wangerin Jr. about the passion of Christ. Wrapping my thoughts around enjoying God and remembering His passion was not an easy task.

I enjoy watching my Grandchildren. They are a delight to watch. Their smiles make me smile and their efforts at exploring the world amaze me. But what if I could not see their smiles, or hear their babbling? Could I, would I, enjoy them less? I guess I must admit here that I do not have full understanding of how we enjoy God, any more than I understand why I enjoy changing the diapers of my grandchildren. I only know that I love being with them, and I love being close to God.

I don't need to see a miracle, listen to inspiring songs of praise, or even read an amazing passage in the scripture to enjoy God. I only need to take a deep breath, close my eyes and whisper His name. His name makes His presence real to me and I enjoy His fullness.

I believe that we can enjoy God, not because of the blessings He gives, but because He is present in our lives. I know He is. It is good to know God. It is wholly satisfying to know He is. If I lived in a vacuum with nothing but God I could still enjoy him. He is enough!

Oh Great I AM, You are more than enough! You have given more than enough to convince us of Your existence, and yet we struggle to enjoy You. Lord, I know I can enjoy You without all the blessings, but somehow, it seems easier when You do intervene in my life. In fact it makes the enjoyment greater! Thank You for giving more than Your existence. Thank You for allowing me to enjoy the blessings. Lord, teach me to look beyond the blessings and see You. Let me enjoy You above all else!

Too Much Stuff

2011-04-13T21:50:00.003-04:00

For months now I have been going through my possessions and making decisions on what I need and what must go. It is not an easy task, especially for someone like me who keeps things for memories' sake. I have a lot of memories. Little trinkets that I have stashed away into little boxes take me back in time when I find them during my clean up times. The question I must ask myself is it necessary to keep the mementos in order to remember?

The past has given me many gifts. My life is a culmination of all those events that are remembered and even those that have been long forgotten. I am not convinced though, that I need all my stuff to make the memories live again. It seems to me that all of those memories do live in me here in the present. Each memory has made its mark on my life and that impression has molded me in some way. Even more important are the choices I made and continue to make because of what has happened to me.

Cleaning out all the stuff is a good thing. I'm not ready to get rid of it all but I am simplifying my life and my living space. I am making big changes and I am making a memory of my choice to live free from the things that hold me down and clutter my life. I think Jesus would like that. It is time to be the me I am today, not the me I was yesterday!

Lord of my every day, You are Eternal. You are present in my yesterdays, today, and tomorrows. It is You that must be remembered. I need to look for You in every day, but I so often look more at myself. Help me to turn my eyes to You and let You fill up all the places of my mind and heart. Thank you for the promise of Your presence. I need you!

Breathe !

2011-04-12T21:15:00.003-04:00

My Mom has told me stories of when I was a little girl fighting an asthma attack. She would sit by my bedside and will me to "Breathe." I can imagine she would whisper "Breathe" over and over, watching carefully my little chest as it struggled to take in the air I needed to live. Now that I have been a Mom, I can imagine the terror it would bring to her as she waited those eternal seconds before another breath would fill my lungs. How many long nights did she sit watching? I don't know, but one would be enough.

Anyone who has sat near a loved ones bedside as they made their last few breaths before leaving this life behind, can also attest to the desire to be able to will them the next breath. There are times, however, when the desire is for it all to be over. for the next breath to be the last so the pain and agony would be finished.

I have felt the desire to stop the breathing. I was again attacked by asthma as an adult after many years of freedom from its torture. I waited impatiently for the doctor and silently prayed for the end of breathing because it hurt so much. I am glad that I did not succomb, but I know the feeling of wanting to give up the pain for peace.

I wonder if Jesus wanted the pain to stop as He struggled to breathe on the cross. Did He have to suffer a certain amount of time in order for the sacrifice to be accomplished? Could He have given up the Spirit sooner to stop the pain? Would He?

The torture of gasping for breath on the cross must have seemed far longer for Jesus than the three hours He suffered. Even from the cross, Jesus had things to say and work to do for the people He loves. He needed to forgive, provide, love and finish the work He was meant to do. Because of that, He continued to breathe. How many breaths did He struggle to take in those last hours? Each one was a precious gift to us, as precious as the first breath He took as a tiny baby from heaven. His life was lived so that He could die the holy sacrifice for our sins, for my sins.

Holy Jesus, Sacrificial Lamb of God, Your every breath on this earth was a gift to the entire world. Your life was lived with the purpose of loving mankind. Thank You for making it possible for me to believe in You. Forgive me when I forget that Your need for air and water and food, was all for my good. Help me to use my need for air,water and food for Your glory, Lord, it is the least I can do.

Believe the Truth

2011-04-11T09:21:00.003-04:00

It must be very sad for people that are very alive to find out that they are presumed dead. Of course if they want to disappear and not be found, it might be a relief. Then there are those who are estranged from family or friends who might find themselves erased from the other persons' "alive" list through no desire of their own. What must God feel when people declare Him dead?

I think it is apparent that if someone should say God is dead, they must have believed at sometime that He was alive. The question I would ask them would be, "How did He die?" I might even want to know the where and when of His death. Then there is the fact that if God is God and He is dead, who is holding everything together? Ultimately saying that God is dead is a silly and unfounded premise except in the mind of fools.

What does an estranged family member feel when they discover that the other person has declared them dead? Anger may cause them to push away futher allowing the deception to continue til the ultimate of separation takes place. Grief could encourage them to work toward a solution which may never be resolved if the other person refuses to believe in a resurrection. In any case it is very sad when hate destroys relationships.

I wonder how Jesus felt when walking on the road to Emmaus talking to two of His followers that believed He was dead. They didn't recognize Him until He revealed Himself through His unique way of communing with them through the bread and wine. These men, and even Mary Magdalene, who met Him near the garden tomb, were blinded by their belief that Jesus was dead. They could not see the truth standing in front of them until He revealed it to them. I can imaging His saddness that their belief fell short of letting them see Him alive. He did not want them to grieve over him because He lived! He had won the victory over the grave for them and their little faith was not even enough to allow them to se the truth of Him standing before their eyes. Jesus, did not turn away from them and let them stay in their unbelief, but gently revealed himself and then went on his way.

Believing in the truth helps us to see past the grave. The truth that surrounds us in all of creation will prove God still lives! The truth that misspoken words and thoughtless actions can be resolved, will enable relationships to be resurrected to live in strength because of the working through the storm. The truth of history and the fulfillment of all God said in his word proves Jesus' resurrection from the dead. We only need to believe truth.

Father of Truth, You cannot lie. You ask me to trust You and believe all that You have said, and what I have experienced in the world that reveals You. I am so sorry that I have failed to believe fully sometimes. I have been as Mary and the disciples. I have seen the truth in front of me and failed to believe. Reveal yourself to me as You have done for them! Thank You for not being a respecter of persons, for You will offer me and my loved ones the same opportunites for faith as You did Your disciples. Thank You! Thank You!

Jesus Sees Me

2011-04-08T14:10:00.005-04:00

The other day while I was reading the devotion Patrick and I are doing for Lent, I began to weep. The words were so powerful and hit hard in my spirit.

The story was about Pilate asking the crowd who they wanted released for the Passover. They called for Barabbas' release so Pilate asked what to do with Jesus. They cried out as a mob to crucify Him. Walter Wangerin pointed out that Jesus heard it all. How sad! Then Mr. Wangerin noted that the religious leaders who had brought Jesus to Pilate wanted the crowd to unite and force the hand of the Roman Governor. They gave no thought to the persons who made up the crowd. But, Jesus did. He was concerned for each individual that was caught up in the moment and shouted out the death sentence for Him.

Jesus looked into the crowd and saw each person and knew them. He, as God, knew their names, their hurts, joys, trials and triumphs. He knew their hearts. He knew which ones would someday hear about His resurrection and repent of their part in this mob hanging, and all of their sins against the Holy God. It is that thought that made me cry.

Jesus sees me. He knows my failures and my successes. He is fully aware that I too, have a spirit that is willing, but a flesh that is weak. He stood quietly and let the mob demand His death. For each of us He stands and accepts our sentence. He accepted the price for each individual, for me.

Dearest Lord Jesus, Your love is overwhelming and again I feel tears welling up. I am painfully aware that I have been in the crowd of people who call for Your death, not knowing that it should have been different. You wanted me to choose the right way to live, but I chose the wrong path. You never stopped loving me, even when my heart rose up against You and wanted to do away with Your love and light for my dark soul. Forgive me! I pray that when You see into my heart, You know that I am one of the crowd that will find You and accept Your promises. Thank You for seeing and knowing me.

A Time for Silence

2011-04-06T17:51:00.003-04:00

Shhh. Be quiet. I remember my Mom often saying to us that if we didn't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I think I've learned that lesson because I am seldom caught saying mean things about or to others. Even if I think the words that can hurt, I find myself trying to hold back, or at the most, say what I need to say in a kind and gentle way. It doesn't always work. Sometimes even those so called kind and gentle words come out with a sharp edge and hurt someone.

I do find it hard to be silent sometimes. I want to get into a conversation, or to let my thoughts find a voice. I guess we all do. Some people can get away with saying whatever they want, others find it a disaster no matter how they frame their words. Me? I guess I land in the middle of those two extremes. If I plan carefully I might be able to say what I want without repercussions. However, there are times when my words tumble about, and no matter how well planned they fall onto the ground and make a puddle of mud that I have to wade through. YUCK. I don't like when that happens. So, I am learning to be silent.

Silence is not an admission that a person is wrong, nor does it indicate their intelligence or lack thereof. Silence should be used in balance, always letting God direct our words to do the best for others. Silence can be wise, kind, and a sign of trust. Jesus was silent before His accusers. He put His trust in the Father and kept the truth to Himself. Jesus knew that to be silent would allow evil to have its way and yet, He let it be.

What do I learn from Jesus about silence? I learn that there is a time when the Father would demand silence for the greater good. He might even demand it of me. In fact, in my silence, I might hear the Fathers' voice more clearly. Jesus stood in silence. Maybe He heard the Fathers' voice above all the shouting. Maybe He heard, "This is My beloved Son in whom I am well pleased." I hope He didn't have to hear the cries of, "Crucify Him. Crucify Him!" Sadly I think He did.

Lord Jesus, Your silence speaks loudly to me. You chose to allow evil have its day so that You would have the final victory. I look back over many times when I have failed to ask You when to speak and when to keep silent. Forgive me for choosing my own way, and not Yours. Thank You for teaching me about the gift of silence, even when it takes me to an uncomfortable place. Let me sit before You often in silence so that I can hear Your voice above the noise of the world and the thoughts that scream for attention in my mind. I love Your voice. It is wise and kind and in it I can trust!

A Blue Balloon

2011-04-01T22:06:00.006-04:00

Balloons are delightful to children. It is fun to watch their amused looks and wonder at the brightly colored ball floating through the air attached to a string they hold tight in their hands. I remember each of my children smiling wide as the balloon followed them with just a little encouraging tug on the string. They all also felt the deep disappointment when they momentarily eased their grip and the balloon floated away up into the heavens. Oh, they watched their blue, pink or yellow flier climb high and become smaller and smaller. They expected it to come back but it never did. It was gone, for good.

One of my first mothering experiences with a runaway balloon came when my first daughter was maybe two or three. At first, Erin was surprised that her toy was moving away, and then her surprise turned into tears. I began to comfort her and told her that God would take care of her balloon, and that I was very sure He was happy that she let it go up to Him. With tear filled eyes, Erin turned to me and said, "But I don't want God to have my balloon!"

I've discovered that same story lives in me. There are somethings dear to my heart that I hold onto very tight. I grasp and try so very hard to keep my treasure close. Inevitably it slips away from me, maybe by the gentle tug of my Heavenly Father who really does know what is best for me. I am surprised, because I've fought so hard to keep them close. Then I am brokenhearted to lose what I thought was so precious. I watch with impossible hope, my heart following after the lost possession.

I feel empty. I am empty handed and I cry out that I don't want God to have what belongs to me! I sense the loss, and my eyes fill with tears. I don't want to let go. I do not want God to have my home, family, career, ministry or a million other things. They belong to me, don't they? The truth is that those idols I grasped so tightly were never mine. I was bound to them. My Lord God is a jealous God, wanting me for His own! He desires my freedom from bondage and will set me free even if it causes me some momentary pain. Oh, what a Good God He is!

God of wonder and infinite love, You loosen the strings and ropes that bind me to people, places and things, not so that I will be hurt, but so that I will be set free! You set me free so that You can be greater in me and for me! You are Good. Thank You for taking away those tethers that tie me down. Thank You for setting me free to reach upwards to You and come closer to You! Forgive me when I forget that I am the balloon set free. Forgive me for wanting to be tied down more than to fly high to You! Remind me always that You are my Freedom, You are my Deliverer, You are where my treasure lies! God I want You to have all of me!

Be Patient

2011-03-30T16:25:00.002-04:00

Dear Readers, I am so very sorry that my posts are not being posted to you with the paragraph breaks I am making. I am needing to insert a special html symbol in order to make the paragraph breaks work. Unfortunately I forget until I see the post as seen by you.

Please be patient with me. I will soon learn to do this as I type and make things easier for you to read!

Blessings to all, Carolynn

Thunderstorms Coming

2011-03-30T15:22:00.006-04:00

Early this morning the news has issued warnings of severe weather coming our way. Possibilities of lightning with the storms as well as tornado watches. So far nothing has been seen at my house except for overcast skies. The cloudy skies make me sleepy, the warnings of coming storms keep me alert.

In the same way, God has given us warnings in the Bible. A tribulation will come (See Mark 13:24-27). We may or may not experience the Great Tribulation described in scripture, but in life we will confront trials that will shake us and cause us to seek shelter from the storm. Will we heed the warnings? Will we seek shelter in the strong tower or in some hastily built faith or good works hoping to make it through?

Storms can come through our lives quickly or linger for years. They can also vary in intensity. Whatever the storm, Jesus has proven to be the One we can turn to. He is our strong tower, our ark, our peace. I can sleep through the warnings or I can stay alert and be ready when the time comes. Jesus has made it clear that He wants me to stay awake and alert. We may need to ride out the storm to the end, but Jesus always brings peace to us if we let Him.

Lord Jesus, Calmer of the storm and Prince of Peace, Thank You for being my shelter and covering. Forgive me for the times I fail to seek You for protection from the enemy, the world and even my own sinful nature! I want to run to You every time, but I sometimes get tripped up and fall into so many traps from which I cannot free myself. I need You in every storm of life. I need You

Coming Home

2011-03-29T09:43:00.004-04:00

Tonight at the airport, my sister, family and friends will welcome home my niece, Lyn, from her tour of duty in South Korea. Though I won't be able to be there, I can already see in my minds eye, the tears, hugs, smiles and cheering as Lyn walks off the plane. I imagine her being tired but happy to be home for now.

Lyn is in the Air Force. She loves it. It has been a place for her to shine and grow and find a future and purpose. Though she has been happy doing her work, she has also had to miss holidays and special moments with family. She has experienced homesickness and the rigors of working without the rest and comfort of a very familiar place. We tried to help her by sending a poster with all our hands traced on it with our names and little notes inside. We titled it "Reach Out and Touch Someone!" Lyn was missed and we are glad to have her home for a little while. I am pretty sure she missed home and is happy to have time to be here too.

Over the past few weeks my sister has counted down the weeks, then the days and now the hours til she will reach out and touch her daughter after such a long time. As I watched and listened to my sister, I wondered if Jesus waits as she does, to finally reach out and touch us? Does He long for the human touch of those He has saved? I think He must! I know from my own experience that I get homesick for heaven sometimes. I long to have Jesus wrap His arms around me and whisper "I love you" in my ear. I can only imagine, just like the song, what I really will do when that time comes.

Jesus knows the number of my days, but I don't. He knows, and yet, He encourages me to keep running the race with Him to the finish line. He does not want me to stop and wait for the minutes to catch up. He wants me to use every minute to love God, love people and serve.

Father, Thank You for bringing Lyn home for awhile. This is only a rest time for her as she continues on her journey doing her work and to be the best she can be. Let it be a time of filling for her. Allow her to be filled with all the good things she loves. You have made good plans for each of us. Forgive us for not accepting Your time and Your place and Your purpose for our lives. Thank You for helping us when we fall down and giving us the strength to keep running the race to the last breath! You are so GOOD!

Give Us This Day

2011-03-28T11:49:00.005-04:00

Yesterday at Journey Christian Church it was Compassion Sunday. The speaker, Peter Habyakimana, was a child recipient of Compassion's ministry help. He now speaks to churches across the globe stirring peoples' hearts to help the poor children of the world.

Peter told us his story and over and over he emphasized that, growing up, he was never sure of his tomorrow. He lived in fear of dying and asking himself the question, "Do I have a tomorrow?" In my experience That question rarely comes to our privileged minds. We simply assume that we have many more tomorrows in which to do what we want to do, or to do what God has called us to do. Do I have a tomorrow? I don't know, but I have hope.

Hope is something Peter said most poverty stricken people need the most. Compassion gave him hope. Of course, we know that Jesus offers us a hope beyond this world. In fact that hope is secured through Jesus Christ, if only we say, "Yes." If our hope for a future life is secured then maybe we should not concern ourselves with that as much as receiving from Gods' hand our daily bread.

What does today hold for me? Whatever may come I know God is good. He not only gives me hope for the future but He supplies me with grace for today. Oh, yes, God is good all the time! It is Gods' nature! Thank you Peter for making this real to me again!

Good God, Thank You for giving me hope and grace. You are enough and all we really need. I forget so quickly when things do not go as I have planned. Forgive me, Father God, and remind me when I forget. I do not know if I have a tomorrow. You do. Today I ask You Lord, to give me my daily bread!

A Bridge Over Muddy Waters

2011-03-24T21:13:00.003-04:00

Unresolvable conflicts that seem settled by the warring parties agreeing to go forward instead of drowning in the muddy waters can be a confusing victory. Neither side has resolved the issue to their satisfaction, but pleasantries are made and there is hope that the muddy waters will not rise up and flood the landscape again. It happens with individuals, political opponents as well as countries. Peace, peace where there is no peace.

I don't like settling for building a bridge when true resolution can take place with civil honest communication. Listening is a big part of this kind of discussion. Listening, not only with our minds and feelings, but also with our hearts, is crucial to the success of any peace talk. I am not perfect at listening but I am learning to be a better listener. I want to be better anyway.

Being a good listener requires discipline. Using our ears to hear words and inflections and our eyes to watch body language takes practice. Like driving a car there is much to think about but the most important is to watch the road, or in the case of listening, to hear with understanding. We may adjust our perceptions by asking questions. We may have to discipline our thoughts to stay on target, and not wander to wheat will I say when it is my turn. Again, I must say that listening is difficult to learn and even more difficult to perfect.

I am glad that God is a good listener. He hears our prayers and is always in tune with what our hearts are crying out. But what about me listening to Him? Taking time to learn to recognize His voice above the din surrounding our lives is worth the effort. His voice comforts, disciplines, guides, and sends messages of love. It is in hearing His voice that the bridges can be built and the two sides of a conflict can move to neutral ground and watch the muddy waters be healed and their hearts washed clean.

Forgiving God, Hearer of our prayers and our hearts that cry out from hurts and confusion, I open my heart to You and pour out all the muddy water that I have inside. Heal me, Lord, and bring those I've hurt to the place of healing as well. Thank You for Your kindness in listening to me, a sinful woman. Your love is greater! Thank You is not enough, i want to live my life within Your words. Help me.

The Weapon of Silence

2011-03-23T14:29:00.004-04:00

My Dad was not much of a disciplinarian. He would mostly use one weapon against us. It has stuck with me as the most hurtful of any act of anger. Silence. If Dad became displeased with us, he would become silent. He would refuse to talk to us, and even our begging to be forgiven would be met with his silent treatment until he was ready to release us.

Silence is so very hard for me to deal with, even today. I perceive any silence as a punishment. If I don't hear from a friend in awhile or my children fail to share important events with me, I feel chastened and over think my actions and words, wondering what I have done wrong. I become desperate if I don't hear my Lords' voice either. His silences push me deeper into His word and quiet times of prayer where I can sit and listen intently for His tender voice. I am so very glad that his silences with me are very short lived.

Sadly, I must admit that I sometimes use silence as a weapon also. I clam up when I've been hurt or become angry. I can't stay silent long though. I know its power to injure. In my silence I try to find words to build a bridge or be a patch to repair what is wrong. I still don't know what to do when forced into a silence because another person won't open the door when I knock.

It must be very sad indeed for our Heavenly Father to bear our silences. He has let it be known that He wants us to converse with Him at all times(I Thes.5 :17). He doesn't like our silences either. How can He answer our cries for help if we never cry out to Him?

Heavenly Father, You sent Your word to tell us of Your love for us. Your Holy Spirit speaks to our hearts and reveals wisdom every time we ask. Your silences are only meant to draw us deeper into Your presence. Thank You for being that still small voice dwelling within me every day, all day. Forgive me for using silence as a weapon against those I want to hurt. Teach me a better way. Remind me to come to You when I am hurt by others silence. Your presence will heal all my wounds.

The Bad Guy

2011-03-22T20:11:00.004-04:00

I have found myself in a simple, turned complex, conflict with a family member. I am confused and uncertain as to how to patch things up. No matter how hard I try, things get more tangled and stressful. "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when once we practice to deceive!" (Shakespeare?) It does not matter what other deception is taking place. My deception is in trying to hide the truth so that everything would blow over. Unfortunately the tangled web is tightening around me, and I have become the bad guy in all of it.

The one thing I know to be true is that I am willing to lay aside being right so that the relationship can be restored. It is so very hard to do that. It seems that every day I have to beat down the pride in my heart that rises up to say, "I am right!" I do not want to be the bad guy! I want to be right!

The more I pray about it though the more I hear The Holy Spirit guide me to put all that is right aside and let go of the matter. God will take care of it all in His time. I must admit that Jesus did the same for me. He became the "Bad Guy" (sin) for me. He took the weight of all my wrongs and let me go. Was it as hard for Him as it is for me? Maybe. But then, maybe not. He is perfect in love and I have so far to go. His love goes beyond my sin. My love, even for family, goes only as far as the love they give back.

Father in Heaven, forgive my lack of love for my family. Forgive me for not following Your example of sacrifice. You are Love and Forgiveness, and I have received it all from You. You are perfect Love. Thank You for being the "Bad Guy" for me. Help me to be the bad guy for my family and anyone else You call me to die for. Make my sacrifice a testament to YOU and only You. Bring my loved ones and myself closer to You in the process. I trust in You and Your word that promises life to those who will not cling to life. Help me be strong for You.

Bling is Bling

2011-03-21T22:42:00.003-04:00

I've been invited to two jewelry parties. I attended one last Saturday and will be present for the next one in a few weeks. Though I don't wear a lot of jewelry, I do have a few items in my bling box that I wear with pride.

I have necklaces, earrings, bracelets, pins, and rings that adorn me, with not only beauty, but sweet memories of special times or special people. Beauty can never reside in gold, silver or colorful stones alone. The beauty of jewlry resides in its story to be or the story that was. The story may begin with the first wearer, but it is written over time with the emotions and revelations evoked.

I treasure some simple stories in hand-me-downs from my Mom. One such treasure is a locket she received from her sister. It carries still the tiny picture of her Dad, my Grandfather. When I became the proud owner of the locket it had a missing link on the chain. It was tied together with a green thread. I kept it there for many years, replacing it only when necessary, fearing it would break and the locket lost. The story? Mom doesn't remember how the chain was broken, but she remembers the love she felt wearing it close to her heart.

I have so many other treasures from women who have passed on their jewelry and its stories to me as well: Moms' Mother-of-Pearl cross she wore on her wedding day, a green broach from a dear friend who said it was one of her family treasures, an ornate bracelet given as a re-gift because she wanted me to have a piece of her heart. I have many others, too long to list them all, but all have been cherished because of the ones who gifted them to me along with their stories.

So, as I peruse the catalogs at the "Bling" shows, I think of all those old tarnished pieces. I see the beautiful new and shining bling and wonder what their stories will be in years to come. Will I buy? Will I wear a new piece with the same pride as the old hand-me-down? Maybe more importantly is to whom can I gift my treasured stories? And just maybe that is what God would want me to do.

My sister gives out pearl necklaces to young women she meets that are struggling with knowing how priceless they are. She shares her story and how God has considered each of us the pearl of great price. Sometimes our stories cost us a great deal. To pass on our stories is a precious gift. To add a bit of bling to our stories brings a smile, don't you think?

Father God, You paid a great price to add each of us to Your priceless and precious collection. You are the one greatest and priceless jewel. It is You with which we should desire to adorn ourselves, but so often we settle for plain old bling. I am sure that You love to see us brighten with the beauty of that which You have made. Thank You. Thank you for giving us rich and beautiful gifts. But help us all to let You shine brighter in our lives so that Your glory may be seen!

He is Coming Again!

2011-03-19T10:43:00.002-04:00

This mornings Bible Study reminded me that I am to be expecting and ready for Jesus to return to earth. He will come in power and glory and we all will see it when it comes. I don't want to be surprised! I don't need to be if I keep watch for the signs.

How do I know I don't need to be surprised? Simeon and Anna were not surprised when Jesus was taken as an infant to the Temple by Joseph and Mary. They were waiting for Him and recognized His coming through the working of the Holy Spirit. (See Luke 2:22-38) Having the Holy Spirit dwell in me, I too can recognize Jesus' coming. The questions I ask myself are: Am I looking for the signs of His coming? Do I expect Him to complete His promise to return?

My life should reflect my belief that Jesus will return. I should be ready to follow the Holy Spirit in all things. I should be studying Gods' word to not just know the signs of his coming but to know Him. I should be doing the work that He has called me to do. I don't know when the Master will return but I know He will. I can't worry over the signs but prepare when I see them. In all of this we have hope. We have a hope that when Jesus returns all things will be made right!

Eternal and True God, you are faithful to Your Word! You gave Your servant, Simeon what You promised. You will fulfill every promise and so I trust You to return and the appointed time. Till then i want my heart to be expecting and seeking. I thank You for reminding me in Your Word to do just that! You are an awesome God and worthy of Praise!

Motives

2011-03-17T20:56:00.002-04:00

My husband and I are reading through a devotion book for Lent. "Reliving the Passion" by Walter Wangerin, Jr. goes through Marks' remembrances of the Passion of our Lord Jesus. Mr. Wangerins' insights into the scripture we read are thought provoking. Today we read Mark 14:1b, 10-11 about Judas Iscariot going to the chief priests to betray Jesus. The question raised was, does a motive for a sin make it any less of a sin? Judas' motives are never revealed. If his motives were important wouldn't God have made sure they were included in the Gospel?

My answer to the question was decidedly, "No, good intentions do not change the sin." Unfortunately, I again say one thing and do another. Do I really believe that sin can be lessened when my motives are right? If my actions were to be the response to that question, I would be wholeheartedly agreeing. Sin is sin, but I am quick to make excuses. I want my intent to be weighed along with my thoughts, words, or actions. I can then make my sinful deeds to seem less hurtful. I can also point the finger at others whose actions or words have spurred my motives.

Thinking over these thoughts presented by Mr. Wangerin, reminded of the many times I have made light of my sin because of my good intentions.The truth that is revealed today is that God did not make light of my sin. Jesus paid the full price without excuses. when I stand before the Throne I can lay all my excuses at Jesus feet and still my sin will leave a scar .

Dear Lord Jesus, my Savior and Redeemer of my lost soul, I imagine bowing before You and seeing those scars on Your feet left by my sin. I imagine Your loving hands reaching down and lifting me out of my guilt by the scarred hands that bled for my transgressions. I want to take some of Your pain away so that I don't have to be reminded. But all my excuses will not change what my sin cost You. Forgive me Lord for making light of what You have done for me. Thank You for forgiving my sin and my trying to make excuses too.

Who Do I Believe?

2011-03-16T22:44:00.006-04:00

Sometimes I am sure that my thinking gets me in trouble. I over think many situations, relationships, and my own abilities and failures.

I've been dealing with a situation recently that I really want resolved. I do not like being misunderstood. I want to be heard and I want to come to a mutual understanding with the other person involved. But I must admit to myself that it may not happen.

The hardest part about the entire conflict is that the longer the conflict lasts the more I think about my part. I analyze and work it over in my mind again and again. I try my best to be fair and honest but all too often I begin to spiral my way down into a dark hole. I begin to believe only bad about myself. I do not trust my motives or the truth. It is my belief about myself that will change my life for the better or for the worse.

What do I believe about myself? Do I believe the truth or do I believe a lie that seems to right? Do I trust all the things God has put into me, or do I trust the voice I hear in my head that heaps piles of past failures on me? Do I let the lies cloud my thinking? Sadly I must say "yes."

I want to believe in the person that God sees in me. I want to believe the truth He speaks over me, but I don't always believe. The truth I heard today from Beth Moore was that if I am ever going to change my life I must start believing God. I cannot change unless I believe what He says about me. I have to stop the pity party and take time to listen. I remember the times I have listened and changes have been made. Those are good times.

Who do I believe? God or me?

Sovereign God, You speak only truth. You know me inside out. It is You I must believe when I look at myself. You are my mirror. Thank You for revealing the truth to me. Even when the truth hurts, I know it is for my good. Forgive me for the times I believe my own thinking. It can never bring me change. My eyes can only see things as a shadow. Let me hear You speak into my heart and my head so I might believe what is true. Help me to turn away from my own thinking and let Your thoughts become my own.

Thinking about what I am good or not good at is one thing that can get me in trouble fast. It is never good to concentrate to long on yourself.

When I let my thoughts linger over what I do best, I can become prideful and sometimes judgemental of others. If I do something well then I have a hard time learning something new or changing my old ways. When trying to be creative, it is never smart to put yourself into a box and only do the same things over and over. Over thinking my positives can lead to obstacles that keep me from being all I can be.

On the other hand, focusing on my "need to change" habits will lead me down a dark and downward spiral that will halt any productive activity. Thinking about my self in a negative way is selfish and maybe even a cop-out for doing what I know I should do. Yes, I am convinced that my thinking can get me in a pit of quick sand that is hard to escape.

There is one kind of thinking that is always helpful and can lead to a changed life. When my thoughts are in unity with the truth of Gods' Word, I will begin to believe and act on that truth.

Die for Him?

2011-03-15T20:43:00.003-04:00

I have made plans for my future. I know the house and neighborhood in which I'd like to live. I know what I'd like to be doing as a career for the next few years and I know what I want my family to be like. Of course all of these dreams are the best I can think of for me and my loved ones. I would never plan a disaster or sickness or dissolved relationship to be a part of my dream.

Today, I was daydreaming about the house I really really want to have. It is not big and fancy, but I love the feeling it gives me when I've walked through the rooms. This house has been on the market for a long time now. It is a little more than we want to pay, but it has also come down in price a little. Our house has not sold yet, either, and so my dream house remains a dream.

My dream may or may not be my Heavenly Fathers' dream for me. He may have other plans. The question that has haunted me today has been: Would I die to my dream in order to have His dream? This question makes me stop. I know God is good and all He does is right, but what if I don't want what He wants for me? What if I don't want to let my dream die?

My desires are deep within me and are so much a part of me that to let them go is a death. There will be mourning and sorrow. But, again, God is good and always right. He loves me and wants the very best for me. Maybe those things are not the best of this world, but they are the best of His heavenly world. Jesus has promised that letting go to my life will give me a greater life. God has promised that joy comes in the morning!

It all boils down to trusting in a good and righteous, loving God. How do I know He has my best interests at heart? I know because of the body wrapped in linen and placed in a tomb to be raised from the dead in three days. Jesus' death, burial and resurrection is my sign that He loves. He is trustworthy. He is Good.

Can I die for Him? Can I lay aside my desires to take His desires as my own? I cannot say it is easy. Over the years I have been tested with the little things in life. Some bigger things are being tested now. All I am sure of is that I do want Gods' best for my life. I may struggle in the dying, but I will do my best to always look into His face for the courage to let go and let Him raise me up!

Dearest Lord Jesus, You died for me. It was an awful, painful death. You suffered for me so that I might have the best You could give. Thank You. I struggle with letting go. I see my dreams and desires as the best for me. I don't want to let you or anyone tell me what I need. But that is wrong. You do know what is best. You will do the right thing if I let You. Help pry my fist open so that I can hold onto Your dreams: the plans that are best for me! I do trust You!

The Miracle of Forgiveness

2011-03-14T13:41:00.004-04:00

Forgiveness is a God-like quality. It begins with God. We would not know forgiveness if God was never revealed to us through His interaction with people and through His word. His forgiveness of us makes possible our forgiveness of others.

Gods' act of forgiving began with a promise to send a Savior. He, himself, became our Redeemer and removed the remembrace of our sin. Sunday, Pastor John mentioned that Forgiveness is needed when we cannot forget. God forgot our sin when He forgave us. It is an awesome thought to think that God did it all. He did not ask us to pay the price and then we would be forgiven. He is the covenant maker and the covenant keeper.

The process of forgiveness can be a painful journey for the one who has been hurt. God also took a painful journey to rid us of our sin. It is said that forgiveness is not for the one forgiven but the one who forgives, but both are set free in the process of removing the wall of sin. The person forgiven may not know or receive the pardon, but he is no longer bound eternally by the accusations of the one setting him free. The one who pardons another will experience freedom in thoughts and emotions. It may take a very long time or a constant returning to the conscience act of forgiveness to find the freedom but it will come. In it all there is a miracle of new life; a life free from the past and ready to start anew.

The miracle of forgiveness is the intervention of God in our sinful lives. It is a joyous experience to forgive. It is a miracle to be forgiven and made clean.

Savior God, You are a miracle worker! You have taken our sin and made it disappear to the place where even You have forgotten! You set us free to receive Your pardon. You are Good! You have also given us the power and grace to free others when they have hurt us. Forgive us when we hold on to those hurts. Help us to relase our grip on those things that can only bind us to the past. Thank You for supplying all our need when we need to forgive!

Bible Study

2011-03-12T21:42:00.003-05:00

Bible Study on Saturday mornings starts early. By early I mean 7:00 a.m. Yes, I get up every Saturday morning to study the word with some incredible women. I didn't always enjoy getting up early for a time of study. I am not a morning person. Mornings, for me, should be quiet and never in a hurry to get out the door. Especially on Saturdays!

It has been a surprise for me to discover that I really enjoy this special meeting with God and friends. Though it is hard to roll out of bed and make myself somewhat presentable, I have come to find a slight spring in my step, and an eagerness in my heart to open the bible and learn from each woman what God has shown her throughout the week. I believe the draw is in the adventure of finding treasure hidden behind each word and in each precious heart.

When the alarm goes off and I finally put my feet to the floor, I begin to think of the passage designated for that days' study. I review in my mind the revelations God has given me throughout the week. I am in awe. Then, I walk out the door into the morning air to be amazed at Gods' glorious creation. Lately the morning is crisp and the sky is just beginning to brighten with the sun. Next week I will see the stars still twinkling with one last effort to make their presence known before the sun reigns over the day. I am awed again by the hand of God which created this beauty and delight! I am full before I even walk in the door!

We begin with a simple prayer of praise and request for understanding. Then we listen to His story. Next, we tell how our story has been changed by His. Time sharing our hearts desires and concerns with each other and our Father closes our time together. We are fortified to not only face the world but to embrace our day with arms full of love, the first of which is given in hugs for one another. A simple start to the day filled with beauty and riches.

I have learned to receive Gods' message whatever time of day it might be sent. That is a lesson I learned from this mornings study of Luke 2:8-20 when the angels came to the shepherds to announce the birth of Christ. The shepherds were startled to receive the Good News in the dark of night. I might be surprised to hear Good News early on a Saturday morning. The truth is that Gods' news is always good no matter what time it is given!

Good News Maker and Giver, you have filled my heart with good things every Saturday morning that I meet You at Bible Study. Thank You for letting us sit in Your presence! Thank You for being faithful to show up every week! Forgive me, Lord, for the days I come with slow feet. Certainly You are worthy of my attendance with joy. Open my ears to hear Your Good News every day and at all times! I love to hear Your voice!

Earthquakes and Tsunamis

2011-03-11T22:20:00.004-05:00

This morning I woke up to the news about the earthquake in Japan. The scenes of destruction that were shown were horrific. The tsunami wave flooding the streets and washing away buildings, boats, and cars was just as bad or worse. The fires and threats from the nuclear plants all added to the drama of the day.

My mind was not on the hundreds or thousands affected by this disaster today. Of course I thought of all the people who were caught up in the tragic events of this day, but one name kept coming to me.

Yukio Yamaguchi was a foreign exchange student years ago. We were her host home and we fell in love with this amazing young woman. She was very open to learning all about us and our culture. She worked hard with us to communicate. Yukio became very dear to us. Though she was not required to attend church with us, she insisted that we let her come. She was so intrigued by the Good News of Gods' love for us in Jesus, that she asked for a bible. Later a friend from church provided her with a bible in Japanese.

It has been many years since we have heard from Yukio, but today her name was in my prayers. I thought about all the other people and wondered if anyone cared for them by name? Certainly their loved ones did, but was there anyone from far away that cared? The answer most assuredly is "yes." Jesus cared. Jesus prayed to His Father for all the lost and broken people who were calling out in their terror. Jesus knew their names.

I enjoy a special song that speaks of "The King who remembers my name." I love that thought. no matter how many Carolynn's come to Jesus, He knows my name. He knows me. He can pick me out of a crowd and call my name with just the right nuance so that I know it is me He calls. Whatever part our Yukio had in this event, if anything at all, Jesus knows her name. He knows each person who had died, lost a loved one, or has had their lives turned upside down. I can pray for the people of Japan, but only one soul by name. God is more than enough for each and every person there.

Father, You are still in control. You are aware of every life and every name that has suffered today. You have loved each of them. You have always been there for them if they asked. Though I do not understand it all, I know that You are good. I believe, Lord, Help my unbelief! Thank You for being present even in the disaster. Help those who would call for You to find You quickly and believe wholeheartedly. Lord, if our friend Yukio was touched by the earthquake and tsunami, please help her, be with her. Thank You.

A Shot in the Arm

2011-03-10T22:13:00.003-05:00

Today I went to the allergist to get my monthly shots. I get one in each arm. It takes very little time and the needles are very small. However, sometimes they can hurt worse than at other times.

If the nurse moves the needle when it has pierce my skin there is quite a bit of pain. It can also hurt if she nicks a nerve. I know the nurses do not mean to hurt me, but I really want them to take their time and hold their hands steady. I want the least amount of pain. The allergy serum can make my arm swell, and if the shot giver adds to the trauma, I can find myself with tender arms for days.

Today's shots reminded me of Jesus. He was pierced with nails large enough to go through his hands and feet and then into the plank of wood. I imagine they must have been huge! The soldiers that pounded the nails were not sympathetic, nor did they care about anything other than getting the job done. I'd like to think that they detested their job, and so did it as quickly as possible. In the end it would not matter if they held the nail carefully, or tried not to hit a nerve. The man on the cross would be dead soon, and so they just did what had to be done.

Just what did have to be done? Jesus had to die in order for me to live. He had to suffer the punishment for my sin, even the sin committed just today. Jesus was pierced for my sins of thought, word, and deed. My tiny needle in the arm is nothing compared with what Jesus did for me, but it can help me to be grateful for what my Savior did for me.

Dearest Lord Jesus, You are my hero! You saved me from myself and from the Evil One! You gave me a chance to be free from sin and death! Thank You for enduring the pain that You did not deserve. Thank You for loving me that much! Forgive me all my sins, Lord. I have many. Teach me how to fight against my sin so that Your suffering would be worth it in the end. I bow my heart and my knee to You.

Lent Begins

2011-03-09T21:26:00.003-05:00

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the Lenten season for Christians. It is a time of preparation for the celebration of the Resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. I am deeply moved when I focus on the passion of my Savior. I want to draw closer to Jesus in the coming weeks. To prepare, many give up some pleasure they enjoy frequently. Others set out to do something that gets them out of their comfort zones. For me, I enjoy a little bit of both.

When I think about giving up something I enjoy, I try to remember that Jesus gave up His heavenly home to come and be one of us. He did not hold onto His right to be God. He gave it all up so that He could take my place on the cross. Giving up my little guilty pleasure is really nothing compared to his sacrifice. Giving up something does not make me holy or give me salvation. Putting aside my enjoyments allows my mind to be free to sense God's presence as my ultimate pleasure.

Stepping out of my comfort zone is never easy. It, too, will not save me or make me holy. It serves to give me opportunity to be more Christ-like in my dealings with others. It makes me aware of others' struggles. It is then that I can understand what Jesus did to put Himself into my place.

Whatever I do or give up I want it to be lead of the Spirit of God. Through Him I can be sure that a change will be made in my heart.

Holy Spirit, fill me with Your wisdom. Take me to the place You want me to be. Lead me into the path that will draw me deeper into understanding the sacrifice of Jesus and the power of His resurrection in my life. Work in me to be alive in Christ. Thank You for being with me always.

A Call to the Prodigal

2011-03-08T16:45:00.005-05:00

Today I came across an item I wrote awhile back. For some reason I see it as very appropriate for Shrove Tuesday. Shrove is the past tense of Shrive which has the meaning of confession and repentance. Shrove Tuesday is the day before the beginning of Lent on Ash Wednesday.

I hope my letter to those who have been hurt by the church will reach a heart or two (or more) and healing will begin. I also hope that those of us who have remained in the church, though hurt, will also find healing. Finally, for those of us who are the instruments of hurt, I pray we will return to the cross, seek forgiveness, and be renewed.

Dear Brother and Sister in Christ,

Please come back! We miss you!

Forgive us our trespasses. We understand that no apology can turn back time and change what has happened to hurt you so deeply that you felt you had to run away. We want you to know that you do not need to carry the hurt and pain any longer. We cannot promise that we will be any better than we were before, but Jesus is our healer and reconciler. He is teaching and disciplining us. We want you to find His comfort and peace.

Forgive us because we didn't know what we were doing. We had no idea that we were hurting you so much. We thought we were doing what God wanted us to do, but we were wrong. We didn't know how much we hurt ourselves when we treated you as we did. Without you we are incomplete. Our failures are multiplied and our successes are not as great. We need you just as our body needs all of our parts to work together.

Please come home! We wait in expectation of our reunion. You are welcome anytime!

In Christ,

The Church

Don't Let Go

2011-03-02T22:58:00.004-05:00

I collect handkerchiefs, children's books, and Christmas books and music. I keep little treasures like my Great Grandmothers' lace collars and refrigerator magnets that were bought on special trips with my husband. I like to collect friends too.

In preparation to sell our house, I have been going through allot of things that I have kept for sentimental reasons. Some things are easy to part with, but others will move along with me if the house ever gets sold. Some of the things that will travel with me are my old address books. They are a link to my long ago friendships. I may never use them again because they may have moved long ago, but their names will go with me.

Once someone is named as one of my friends, I never want to let go. I want to protect the memory of our friendship from the severing of time, distance and lack of contact. Childhood friends, long time friends or those who have stayed for only a short while, all hold a special place in my mind and heart. Names and faces of those who have connected with me are glued into my memory like a scrapbook filled with photographs, ticket stubs, and handwritten notes. Memories are little treasures reminding me of the love of my friend. I could never forget or throw a friendship away.

A few years ago I tried to write down every person that had touched my life. Even when I limited the list to just close friends, I found it to be a daunting task. Thinking about all the people over the years that have made an impression on me was overwhelming. I have been blessed!

There are some bittersweet memories, however, of friendships that could not go further. These friends took a different path far away from my chosen road. Still I cannot let go. It is so hard to say good-bye for good. I hold on to them in prayers and gentle thoughts of times past. Though we grow apart now, I hope to have a future with them again someday, like the few delightful reunions with long lost friends in recent years. Reunions remind me that finding anything that was once lost is worth a celebration!

Gentle Shepherd, Jesus, You celebrate every lost soul. You hold tight to those God has given to You. You may set us free , but You never let us go from Your heart and love. Thank You for remembering every name and face. Thank You for never letting go. Forgive us when we forget Your love. Forgive us for taking the path that leads far from You. Call to us and lead us back into Your loving arms. Find us when we are lost!

Friendship Gallery

Memories in the winding hallways
Of years gone past
Carry images of
People, places, and things
That will last forever
In my mind.

Faces and portraits of those whose
Impressions are so deep
In my heart,
Are fingerprints of friendships
That will forever
Touch my life.

Carolynn J. Scully
©1995

Parenting Class

2011-03-01T15:08:00.002-05:00

How did I end up in a parenting class? For nearly 38 years I have been a stay-at-home Mom/Auntie/Grommers to 12 children. I not only have experience, but I have a B.S. degree in Child Ddevelopment and Family Relationships with and emphasis in Preschool Eeducation. I have read books, participated in classes and generally believe I have a pretty good handle on the child care and raising of children.

Don't get me wrong. I am NOT perfect. I have made many many mistakes that have proved my need for seeking out the experts. But, I did not really want to take another parenting class. So it surprised me when I walked in on my own free will.

The class is held during the Sunday School hour that my husband teaches the middle school boys. I had done my time sitting in the cafe and reading my bible, or chatting with friends. It was a few months ago that I felt the tug to join the class where young parents congregate during that hour. The back row of chairs held my place. I was determined to sit quietly and just listen, but I often had something to share and did so.

The new series began a few weeks ago. (Paul Tripp's Getting to the Heart of Parenting) The video grabbed my attention for a couple of reasons. Most of what the teacher said should be done, I had learned by trial and error. Some of those things he said should not be done, I had done. It was interesting to listen and sit in my back row praying for all the families represented. Then it hit me!

The last few lessons have been an emphasis on authority and how important it is to teach the child how to submit to authority at a young age. I heard the parents share about their struggles with all ages of children who rebelled against their place as the authority. And then I began to hear that wonderful still small voice that I know to be my Heavenly Father. He quietly said, "Carolynn, I am your Father. You are My child. It is my authority you must submit to." Hush.

I heard and I understood. Like all of the children I have cared for and taught, I still had areas of rebellion living in me. God, my Father, parents me. He is the parent, and I have no right to question His authority. A parenting class for God's children? Yes. I've discovered that I needed to know God as my parent. Going to a class on parenting gave me insight as to how God parents me. Reminding myself that I am God's child is a good thing.

"Let the little children come to me," Jesus said. He also said that the Kingdom of heaven belongs to little children. I want to be His child, protected, taught and disciplined by Him.

Abba Father, You have made me Your child. You have made me into Your likeness and then You have helped me to be born again through Your Son, Jesus. Thank You for being my Father and parenting me with love and goodness that I need. Forgive me, Father, for wanting my own way and rebelling against Your plan for me. Turn me around by Your Spirit and lead me in the paths of Your choosing.

The Gift of a Day

2011-02-25T10:26:00.004-05:00

Last week our neighbor of almost 30 years was found dead lying in bed. Anna was an excentric German lady with a heart of gold. Hers was the first home on Pine Ave., and she believed that the entire street belonged to her. She took ownership of every home and made every neighbor part of her family. She had an opinion for every neighbors' activity from the color of their homes to how to raise their children. Anna cared.

One of our most fun stories about Anna occurred as soon as we moved in. We would watch her from behind window blinds as she tiptoed across the street to place her trash into ours. It was only until she discovered that she paid for the garbage removal in her taxes, that she used her own front yard to set out her bags. Last week we found out that she was very well-to-do, but you would not know it from her frugal ways. She gave gifts freely, but only second hand items from yard sales. Anna picked up bread that stores were tossing out and distributed the baked goods to all the neighbors. Her home was one of the humblest abodes on the block. Anna will always be remembered, not for her money, but for her giving.

As I've grieved for the loss of a good neighbor, I think of Anna in her yard bent over, pulling weeds, arranging her gnomes, and trimming bushes. She lived every day with gusto. She was alive with activity! Every day was a gift she wanted to enjoy and she did!

This week my days have crawled by in very slow motion. I have looked at the clock often to find that time had taken tiny baby steps. I've spent my time wishing it were the weekend already, and then I think of Anna. I'm sure she would have loved to have had the gift of one more day. Why would I want to pass up these precious gifts? Could it be because I am not living my life as a gift? Could it be that I am not alive with loving others and thinking of others like Anna did?

The gift of a day is so often overlooked until our days our done. I think I'll take my gift of today and love someone. How about you?

Creator of the sun, moon and stars, You have given us the gifts of each day to work, rest, and even play. You have said that You want us to have abundant life, and yet we so often want to rush past the days where You patiently await our enjoyment of Your gift of today. We race toward the days ahead and forget the days present to us now. Forgive us for pushing away Your precious gift of today. Help us to find abundance in the work, rest, and play You give us. Thank You for waiting patiently for us to slow down and see what we are missing!

Trading Places

2011-02-23T19:33:00.003-05:00

When my children were small I would often get down on their level and take a look around. Seeing things from their viewpoint gave me an appreciation for their struggles to understand their world. Things look very different when looking at them from someone else's point of view.

Babies who crawl on the floor see furniture as mountains and those little pieces of lint as interesting tidbits to taste. Outlets are decorations on the wall to explore. There are dark and scary places to hide or that hide wonderful things to explore. Babies are curious about their world. They need to be protected from the dangers around them, but most adults miss those dangers. We don't see what the baby sees until we are made aware of the baby reaching out for the item that is taboo for them. We can learn to understand if we take the time to see things from their perspective.

There is wisdom in trading spaces with others, not just babies. I find that when I think about someone else's day as if it were mine, I find more compassion and empathy. My husband needs me to put myself in his place once in awhile. My friends need me to think about their perspective before I offer advice or rebuke. I even ask what Jesus would think about a situation sometimes. It may not change what I have to say, but it will change how I say it.

Trading Spaces with someone is not done in reality. It is done in our thoughts. It is not a perfect experience, but we can come close. The truth is that even the effort makes the other person feel loved. People need to know that we have tried to put ourselves into their place: their financial downfall, or boon, their marriage or divorce, the loss of a loved one or the birth of a child. There is an endless list of places where we can travel when trying to connect with others.

I believe it helps to ask gentle questions. Questions reveal that we want to understand. However, we should be careful to ask more about feelings than about facts. It is in the emotions that we connect with each other.

Dearest Lord Jesus, You traded places with us and You know the places in which we live. You are all knowing and yet, You asked questions so that we would know You cared. Thank You for making the effort. Help us to make the effort with others. Forgive us when we don't even try.

A Can of Worms

2011-02-22T22:09:00.003-05:00

It seems my words often open a can of worms. I've started three blogs today and deleted them because I am in no mood to open the can of worms that could cause more trouble than I would anticipate. So, here I sit, wondering what to write when my can of worms begs to be opened so that I can be myself.

I could write about my desire to be the kind of Christian that does not force my way onto others but shares God's way and stands firm on the truths' in the bible. *A Can of Worms*

I could write about being my honest and open self and not letting others tell me that I should put on a mask so that others will like me better. *A Can of Worms*

I could open the can of worms, or I can give them to God. I have a feeling that He would know exactly what to do with them! In fact most of the time I write this blog as if writing to God, not only to those of you who listen in to my ramblings. Tonight it just seems hard to do. I feel too vulnerable. So, I will keep the lid on things for now. I won't stir up things and make others uncomfortable. Tomorrow I may have something to stir your hearts. God is stirring mine today!

Father, You are my Hiding Place. you are my Strong Tower. You are my refuge. Thank You for wrapping me up in Your strong arms and comforting me even as You stir up all that lies within my soul. Forgive me, Lord, for worrying about the can of worms. They are now in Your hands. Keep them until I need to use them. I rest in You.

Taking a Stand

2011-02-21T22:05:00.002-05:00

It is not often that I speak up about where I stand. I don't need to because it seems I can be read by most people when I feel strongly about something. In leadership, however, there comes a time when it is mandatory to make a statement that clarifies my position. I am standing in one of those places now.

My position is to stand firmly on God's word without giving in to popular opinion or the fear of hurting someones feelings. The issue is complicated. Though I might not reveal the issue here today, I can assure you that I have prayed, studied, and weighed the issue for a long time. I do not claim to have a definitive answer, but I remain firm in believing God's word on the subject.

My spirit is solid. My feelings are tender. The conflict is in knowing my steeled stance will hurt someone I care about. My hope is that the pain will be the catalyst that will turn them to Christ and the Truth.

Those affected by my taking a stand will undoubtedly see me as being unloving and uncaring. They may also see the place where I stand as a judgement seat. It is so far from the truth! I do love them and care for them. More importantly Jesus loves them and cares for them. He suffered so that they would know His love forever. I do not place myself as judge over them, but I do stand near the Judge and claim Him the Righteous Judge. His judgement is right.

My desire is that when I speak up, my friend will see that I care, and finally see what she tries so hard to disguise.

Righteous Judge and Father, You have taught me how to leave the judgement in Your hands. you have shown me my own sin in light of the cross so that I no longer can stand in judgement upon others. It is all between You and the individual. But, Lord, there are many times when I use that as an excuse to not speak up or stand firm on the Truth You have given us. Forgive me, Lord! Help me to stand close to You against every sin, mine first and then others. Thank You for judging rightly. Thank You for seeing our hearts. Thank You for providing us all with a Savior in Jesus The Christ!

The Trouble with Love

2011-02-16T15:19:00.003-05:00

Love God, love others, love yourself. The two great commandments demand us to love. The object of our greatest love should be God, then we are to love others as we love ourselves. The trouble with love is that it is not easy.

God is good all the time. He is perfect and He is loving, giving, just, and forgiving. It should be easy to love God, but I find it difficult at times. He wants the very best for me and will push me to put away those things in my life that hold me back keeping me from being all I need to be. Why would I not love God, who knows what is best and who loves me so much, enough to do what He asks? Why do I refuse to return His love by my obedience?

Loving others is also hard. They are not perfect. I don't want to give them the best, because I don't think they deserve it. It is especially strange that I would not find loving my husband or children to be easy. They have given me much joy and loved me at times when I have been very unlovable. It just isn't easy to always love as I should.

Then there is myself. Loving me can be the hardest of all. I know my weaknesses. I know those things I hide away from others. When it comes time to love myself through tough times or challenges those shadows block out the light and make love tremble. Can I really love myself after saying what I said, or doing what I did? Loving is a difficult choice.

The trouble with love is that it is meant for all; the good, the bad and the ugly. It is not to be hoarded for special times of perfect behavior. It is meant for all times. Love can trouble my soul. I am commanded to love by making a simple choice. The trouble is that the choice is made only after a battle in my soul is won.

Good and Loving Father, You are the victory I seek. You are the Love I need and You have never withheld that love! Thank You! A battle rages in my soul to love as You have commanded. I submit my will to You. Fill me with Your love for myself, others and for You! Change my heart O God.

A Simple I Love You

2011-02-15T09:17:00.003-05:00

Valentine's Day is said to have been a remembrance of St. Valentine. He was sent to prison for proclaiming the gospel of Jesus Christ. While in prison he would write love notes to those on the outside. The notes encouraged others to also share their love and the love of God. It is a beautiful story.

The commercialization of Valentine's Day has disquised the love note into expensive, gifts, fancy flowers, over-indulgent candies and greeting cards. I admit it is not easy to write a love note. I am a writer, and I struggle to find the right words, so I understand the frantic rush to find just the right gift or card to say "I love you!" I also admit that for a short time the gift, flowers, candy or card does make us feel warm and loved. Maybe the bigger the gift the longer the feeling lasts, but a token of our love for someone can never replace the daily faithful loving expressions between true lovers.

Most T.V., movies, and commercials would have us believe that true love must be expressed by money spent. On this day after Valentine's Day I would have to say that the expression of love goes much deeper. Love can be simply expressed in the quiet moments sitting near by and enjoying the presence of love. It is the simple times of sharing your day and knowing the other person is really listening. It is being willing to step into the other persons' life, good and bad, and not walking away. It may not be easy to say "I love you," but it is simple. It is a simple choice to put the other person first.

Wonderful Loving God, You are high and lifted up! You deserve our love. You have every right to demand our attention and our devotion. You gave us Your Son and Valentine who loved Him enough to follow His example. They gave unselfishly to others. They put others first so that they might know they were loved. Thank You! Teach us, Lord to love simply. Fill us with Your Spirit of Love so that we might turn away from our selfish desires. Help us to love You as You deserve.

Conversation Hearts

2011-02-09T23:26:00.004-05:00

Last night Patrick and I had a sweet conversation. We connected in a special way. We didn't need the little conversation heart candies to spark the conversation though. We simply slid into that relaxed open and honest place where we could be totally vulnerable with each other. I'd like to say that happens every day, but it wouldn't be as special if it did.

Vulnerable hearts are not only ready to share honest thoughts, but they also listen to honest words from the one they love and trust. Easy? Not always. I know that I can quickly put up my defenses if I am not willing to love with openness. I must decide to see, hear, speak and feel truth, and I can only do that with God's love flowing through me.

Patrick and I spoke about love and our understanding of the threefold cord God says is so hard to break. We have loved that scripture throughout our marriage. (Eccl. 4:12) It has been our promise to one another in that we have decided to let God be the third cord in our marriage. Conversing about God's cord that entwines with ours, reinforces our choice to love. That is what made the conversation so sweet. Allowing ourselves to vulnerably reveal our dependancy on God to make our love live, made the evening conversation blessed. Our hearts were given to God and one another in conversation, or should I say prayer?

Word of God, You are the third cord that binds us together in love. You are the Trinity of strength, perfection and love that we need. We cannot love without You present in our lives. Thank You for the strength You bring to those who need Your love. We need You. Fill our hearts with words of love for You and for one another.

Making a Choice

2011-02-08T16:59:00.005-05:00

One of the hardest things to tell young people in love is that love is a choice you make daily, not a feeling or emotion you hope will last forever.

When Patrick and I talk to young couples in love, we always tell them about love as a choice.
We often ask those we counsel if they think Jesus felt the sweet tingly feeling of new love when He hung on the cross. They can't imagine that, but we know that He was on the cross because of His great love for us. No, He did not feel gushy mushy kind of feelings for us while He was tortured, but He did love us.

The same holds true for married couples. When we are hurt by our mates, we do not feel tenderhearted or the emotion of love for them. But we can always choose to love despite the hurt. Love can bring us warm tender sweet feelings, but those will not last. I think that is what the wedding vows say. I choose to love you in sickness and health, with riches or in poverty. Whatever comes your way you always have a choice to love. It is not always easy but it is possible.

Our choice to love joins our hearts and our will in an amazing bond. Love truly is the greatest! There is nothing like it! Feelings are made subject to our will when we choose to love. Love does not depend on the other persons' performance, because the choice has been made by the other.

Perfect Love, You are the Giver of the best gift of all: Love. You are the Perfect Love we all seek. Our love falls far short of the perfection You want us to experience, and yet You always love, You always give. Thank You! Open our hearts and our minds to the truth of true love. Guide us to make the right choice, the choice to love like You do!

Did He Marry a Jerkette?

2011-02-07T08:32:00.003-05:00

I love to talk about love, marriage and the family. Sunday morning services promise to give me much to talk about in the next few weeks. Journey Christian Church is doing a series on marriage. Yesterday's title was "How Not to Marry a Jerk (or Jerkette)."

Like most everyone in the church yesterday, I set my mind to find out if I had married a jerk. I KNOW I didn't, but there are times when my Sweetheart of a husband has fallen into that category. Looking back, I must admit I was ready to put him there again if the occasion arose. It wasn't long after I began taking notes however, that I began to hear a small whisper asking me if I might have been the Jerkette when we got married. OH no! I couldn't have heard that right, could I?

I must admit that I brought baggage into our marriage, and I tried my best to hide it away in a back closet. It wasn't long before my entire wardrobe was revealed. I had a lot of old clothes that should have long ago found a new place. I hope you understand that I am not really talking about clothes here. I am talking about my past experiences, beliefs, quirks and habits. The question is did all that baggage make me into a Jerkette?

I don't have a definitive definition for Jerk/Jerkette so I don't think I can say yes or no to my question. One thing I do know is that in order to make the best use of this marriage sermon series I must keep my mind open to MY part of the marriage, not his! I heard Creflo Dollar once say that, it is not the way his wife loves him that he needs to worry about. It is the way he loves her. I agree. If I am to love unconditionally, I must love the best I possibly can, no matter what his love looks like.

God of Love, You brought Patrick and I together in marriage. We rely on You to lead us through the rough days and rejoice with us in our triumphs. You are love. It is only in Your presence that we can know a love greater than ourselves, and live a love for each other that is honest and lasts. Thank You for sharing Your love, teaching us to live in love, and changing our selfish ideas so that we can love. You are what we need in our marriage. We invite You to be the center of our lives.

Marriage is Hard Work

2011-02-03T19:41:00.003-05:00

When I was dreaming about being married as a young woman, I thought marriage was easy. You fall in love, and stay in love, "Til death do you part." Now that I am living the "Dream" of being married, I know that it is hard work.

It does not take much in the way of time, or issues to cause a marriage to break down. It can be like having a flat tire on a deserted road. Something is said or not said. Things are done or not done. Misunderstood words or actions can be like the nail in the road that punctures the tire. It is time for the couple to get out of the car and fix what is wrong. Walking away in opposite directions may seem like an option, but it isn't. Others who might pass the same way, may know your vehicle and wonder why it was abandoned, or the children might be left sitting in the back seat wondering where they should go to be safe. It is the little things that, when ignored, will become a major problem in the end.

My husband, Patrick, and I have taken time to service our marriage like a conscientious car owner might service his cars. We go on dates weekly. We attend marriage enrichment seminars. We read books about marriage. Recently we began reading the book, "Living in Love" by James and Betty Robison. Patrick bought them for us for Christmas. We each have a copy so we can read on our own, answer the questions and then come together to discuss. It is a good way to repair damage done and do a little preventive maintenance.

I look forward to the next sermon series on marriage that John will begin on Sunday. The church and our country need the solid foundation of strong marriages. Tough times put stress on relationships, but there are helps. We are all affected by the marriages that fail. We are also affected by those marriages that last a loving lifetime.

God is the author of the marriage covenant. He even designed it to work between Himself and the church. He is the source of strength between a couple, or the hammer and nails that can repair them. He is the third cord that makes the couple not easily broken. (see Eccl.4:9-12)

Threefold Cord, God and author of the marriage covenant, You made us so different and yet, You desire for us to live together as one. You are Love, and You ask us to love one another as You have loved the church. It is hard sometimes, Lord. It is so easy to walk away from the hard work it takes to be the sign of Your love in the world. Help our marriages to grow. Help us to live our lives for a greater purpose than our own. Thank You for supplying us with Your word, Your grace, and Your love. Make us like You!

Black History Month

2011-02-02T21:03:00.002-05:00

February is Black History Month. I think it is amazing to remember that Black History is not just a history of slavery. It is rich in every area of life, just as is every color race and creed! I am happy to celebrate the contributions of my dark skinned brothers and sisters. I will pray for the healing of the wrongs done to them by slavery, but stand amazed that through it all they have given so much to our country.

In every trial we can draw from God's grace and strength to overcome the temptations to become victims. We have opportunities to change the world around us even in the middle of hard times. The question arises for us now. Will the oppression against our Christian faith, the struggles of economic uncertainties, and other trials spur us on to live better or become bitter?

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my
salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18

As for me and my house we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

Like the slaves of old who brought forth good fruit of their labors to make our lives better, I want to produce good fruit in good and bad times. My dark skinned brothers and sisters are an example for me to follow. They used their God given unique gifts to create the tools to do the tasks they were assigned. Their contributions throughout history serve us well. It is now my turn to make a meaningful contribution to the world.

Oh Creatively rich God, You have filled our world with diversity and treasures. We have often tried to trample down those we see as different. We have used others to make our way to the top. Forgive us, Lord! Thank You for revealing truth to us when we seek You and not our own superiority. Teach us to humble ourselves before You. May You be lifted high!

List of Thoughts

2011-02-01T19:29:00.002-05:00

Today I watched the movie, "What If?" It was similar to "It's a Wonderful Life," but with one twist. The main character, Ben, was visited by an angel who took him from his high-powered executive life to his purposed life of being a preacher and family man. In his experience of visiting his purposed life, he was recognized by people in that life, but he did not recognize them. When trying to return to his life as an executive, he recognized those he had worked with, but they did not know him. He not only had two lives to choose from, but he was a different man in each reality.

In one scene of the movie, Ben is talking to his wife. He wants his exciting life back, but he does not know how. His wife asks why the Ben Walker he is talking about is doing here with her. He says he has to figure that out for himself.

This movie seemed to bring together some seemingly random thoughts I had over the last few days. It was a great movie to watch after Pastor John's Sunday sermon. Ben Walker had not found his "Sweet spot," as John would say. He worked hard and seemed to be successful, but was not honoring God in his work. He was meant to be a preacher and family man. That was were his sweet spot was. There was a greater purpose for him. He needed to find that purpose for himself (with the help of God's messenger.)

I also read a letter from James Robison. In his letter, he used the phrase, "Dangerously awake." That was a phrase to ponder. In a way Ben became dangerously awake to the truth of the life he was living and the life he should be living. The thoughts of "what ifs," "sweet spots," and being "dangerously awake" make me aware that the strengths God put into me are precious life-satisfying, God-glorifying tools.

The strengths we observe in one another are the expression of God's DNA passed on to us through our creation. Our weaknesses exist so that we yield to God in relationship to fulfill the assignments we are given. Learning to live with both is an adventure of loving God, ourselves and others.

Creator God, You have proven that You desire a connection with Your creation. You have given us strengths that show the world a part of You. You have allowed us to be weak so that we will seek after You and rely on You to make a difference. Please forgive us when in our pride we strive to erase our weakness or hide it away. Forgive us also when we think our strengths belong to us alone. Thank You for being strong and sharing your strength with us whenever we ask. We ask now to be filled with the truth of who You are in our lives! We need You!

Is That an Echo?

2011-01-27T11:09:00.003-05:00

Since my Daughter, Son-in-law and the Grandladies moved out I have been hearing strange noises in the house. The quiet has been just slightly unnerving.

There are times after the babies go home and before Patrick arrives that I "hear" babies or the older Grandladies talking in the back bedroom. I know no one is there, but I look anyway. Could it be an echo of what used to be there? I hear allot of the house noises now too. The silence has magnified the whirs and clicks of the fridge and sometimes the buzz of a light bulb. I hear the neighbors working in their yards or leaving their homes in their cars. My breathing and other body noises are also hearable! In the cavern of our open spaces am I hearing echoes reverberating on and on? Even with all these new noises I still like the quiet!

I find that sometimes I need total silence to hear my thoughts and Gods' voice. When I turn off the noise of the world, God's whispers are clearly heard. When I shut my self away into a quiet place I find sorting through thoughts, prayer and even praise is easier and truthfully I feel more alive! I imagine that is what Jesus needed as well. He took time to get away from the crowds and find a spot where He could be alone with His Father. He now calls to us through the prodding of the Holy Spirit to come away with Him. He desires to love us through His word. He wants to have time with us alone!

Loving God, Lover of my soul, You created sound. You made the sounds ebb and flow like the sea. Even in music there is rest, times of silence so that our ears can hear the notes more clearly. You are an awesome God! Thank You for sound and the silence, too. I need to hear You and i need the love You bring.

A Bit of Heaven

2011-01-26T21:16:00.002-05:00

Babies are a lot of work. Grandbabies are a lot of fun! Today I worked hard most of the day, but taking care of my Grandman, Jacob, and my Grandlady, Abigail, became a fun grandparenting excursion that I don't think I will ever forget.

As the time drew near for mommy to pick up Jacob, and Daddy to pick up Abigail, I sat them next to one another on the floor in front of me. We love music so I put on Kenny Rogers and the Lettermen and began to sing and interact with each of them. They may be very young but they both love music and enjoy each others' company. Jacob rolled from side to side swinging his legs on top of Abi. She didn't mind. In fact she would smile and reach for Jake touching his hand gently or sometimes grabbing for it! It was playtime!

Jacob began to laugh at me. Maybe I was singing off key, or maybe my hair was just a bit messed up. I don't know, but it sure made him laugh! Maybe he was just having as much fun as I was! I picked him up and sat him on my lap singing to him. He leaned into me laying his head on my breast. We sat there loving each other till the song ended. It was a tender sweet moment between Grandma and Grandman.

When I put Jacob down I saw Abigail look at me as if she were saying, "It's my turn now!" so I picked her up and sat her on my knee singing to her. As if she had learned a lesson from her older cousin, she leaned in to lay her head on my breast giving me a gentle hug. Another sweet and tender moment, this time between Grandma and Grandlady.

Maybe these stories can only be understood through a Grandparents' experience, but I can tell you it is a bit of heaven here on earth to hold your child's child and sense their love. It must have been a bit like that for Jesus when He held the little children in His arms. The love of those children must have reminded Him of the dear sweet tender love that heaven breathes. Jesus brought heaven to us, and the love of the little children assured Him that heaven can also live within us.

Father in heaven, You are the life breath that we need. You are heaven in our hearts. I often close my eyes and imagine laying my head on Your breast like a little child who loves You and needs You so much. Too many times I try to act so grown up. I think I have everything in control. I know I don't when I let myself rest in Your arms. Thank You for being my Daddy. Thank You for breathing Your love into me every time I come to You as a lost and frightened child. Fill me with childlike wonder. Teach me to grow up into being Your child.

Communion

2011-01-25T21:09:00.003-05:00

I like the word "Communion." It brings a picture to mind of bread and wine, but there is so much more. Communion is an intimate joining of two. There is a sense of sharing and exchange. To enjoy communion with someone, it is imperative that you come to an agreement and both draw close to one another.

Intimate moments enjoyed because of the faithful promises of two parties is communion.

When my husband and I exchange understanding words or touches, we enjoy a deep and close union that renews our love vows to one another. We become united, not always in agreement, but in committed love. Bowing over the bread and juice in worship of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, draws me deeper into His heart where my love and commitment to serve Him is strengthened. This is communion that satisfies and fills me with joy.

Communion is a beautifully blessed word, but even more so it is a beautiful expression of love and unity.

Dearest Lord Jesus, you commune with Your people in many ways. You open Your arms and Your heart to receive us. You invite us to breathe You into our very being. You draw us deeper into Your presence and change us. We need to be changed. Thank You for giving us more of You each time we receive communion. Thank You for giving us communion with spouses, parents, children, friends and siblings. We are blessed, bless us more!

The Family Church

2011-01-24T21:34:00.003-05:00

I love spending time with my family! Yesterday we gathered to celebrate two birthdays. Our daughter, Briget, and our son, Joseph were born seven years and a day apart. We had a fun day with lots of laughs, conversation, good food, and the babies were passed around to lots of loving arms! We finally took a long awaited photo with the entire family. The best word to describe the day is blessed.

I have thought for a long time, that our family is a mini church. We recognize that we each have different gifts and talents. Our function in the family is mostly determined by our gifts, but we also chip in whatever the need. We love, forgive, teach, and serve one another and those outside of our little family church.

Though we are close, our family does not claim exclusive rights with each other. We all go out into the world to make a difference in the lives of those in our little communities. We pray that friends and acquaintances see a difference in us because of Jesus.

Our little family church celebrates holidays, and milestones with prayer, communion, and fellowship. Jesus is our foundation and our center. He is praised and called on in prayer when someone is in need.

We have many stories we could tell about baptisms, The Big Give, weddings, and memorial services and others. We have fed the poor, and visited the prisoner. Needs that touch one heart are cared about by all. The family church grows strong roots and reaches outward as well.

It is right for Christian parents to bring their families to church. It is also right for the church to be formed in the family. The Kingdom of God is here. Our families submitted to Christ as the head become a church in our neighborhoods. We grow, and send forth the next generations into new neighborhoods.

Lord God, You are the Father of the Family of God. Jesus, You hold the church together and You blessed us with families to help us grow and flourish. Our families don't always live life in harmony. We hurt one another or forget to offer the same grace You have given us. Forgive us, and help us to turn our hearts back to the generations with which we share the name family. Thank You that when two or more gather in YOUR NAME You are there! As for our family, we will serve the Lord.

The Best Me

2011-01-19T20:07:00.002-05:00

I believe that the best God can give us is Himself. I also believe that to become the best of what I can be, means that I am to be part of Him.

God breathed His life into man. Life is a mysterious word, isn't it? We know some things about it, but we cannot capture it at its essence. Our bodies live, but our bodies are not life itself. Life continues long after the body dies. Life is in the blood according to God's word, but the blood itself is not life. God is life! He breathed Himself into our physical bodies, and He gives spiritual life to us by breathing the Holy Spirit into us.

This does not make us God or gods. We are simply vessels used for His glory.

The best me I can be is the me that is filled with the life of God. My tiny part in the Body of Christ is to be the best tiny part of God that He made me to be!

My good character qualities are the life of God seen through me. Gods' character is emmence and must certainly be seen through billions of beings who have His life breathed into them. Like the kalideoscope we are the tiny shards that allow His light to shine through us. We can be translucent or opaque by our choices. The best me is transparently revealing God to the world.

Breath of Heaven, You are also the light of the world! You are the life essence we cannot see but we can know. Our minds cannot comprehend Your thought or the emmence nature of Your holiness. Thank You for giving us, Your creation, a part of Your life to share with the world. Thank You for the breath that gives me eternal life. I want to be continually filled with every breath You take! Fill me and let Your glory be known!

New Thoughts

2011-01-18T22:24:00.003-05:00

Our church is going through the Youversion.2011 series by John Ortberg. This last Sunday Pastor John preached on Renewing Your Mind. He got me thinking. What did I think? Well, it has me thinking about my thoughts and the process of changing them into productive and not destructive thoughts.

Today I thought: "When new thoughts become everyday thoughts, but were never true thoughts, it is time to renew these thoughts to make them conform to the thoughts of Christ which are always true." The starting point is in knowing the true thoughts of Christ. Knowing His word helps me to know the truth and the lies that float through my head. I must stop, think, and capture every thought. Once captured, it must be diagnosed as either true or false. It is at that point that choice enters the picture. I can choose to take the thought and make it fit Christs' truth, or let it loose to take root and grow a tangled vine that leads me to wrong conclusions and to make bad decisions. It may take only seconds, but the consequences may last a lifetime.

It is my heartfelt desire to learn to take captive every thought for Christ. I have succeeded in some areas of my life , but in others I still struggle. We all have some thoughts that are easy to change and others that seem to be more difficult. The spiritual battle is in the mind. The battle rages and the enemy rears his ugly head in the places where we are weakest. God is our only hope to transform our thoughts. Without Him we can fight a good fight but the battle cannot be won without His intervention.

Last Sundays' sermon had me in tears. I cried because I know my struggles. I cried with joy, too, knowing that Jesus is doing a good work in me. I cried because of a statement John made: Every thought has the power to carry me into God's presence. What a beautiful thought!

God, You have a beautiful mind! Your thoughts are great and filled with all goodness and beauty! I am weak, and my thoughts wander far from You. Forgive me, Lord. Help me to use the mind You gave me to think careful thoughts that bring me closer to You. Help me not to be mindless in my thinking. Thank You for the new thoughts You give me every day. Thank You for making Yourself be known through those precious thoughts. I want to think on those things!

Teacher Appreciation

2011-01-14T09:18:00.003-05:00

My husband is a teacher. He only began his teaching career recently. Though he has not been doing this long, he is one of the best teachers, not only because of students' scores, but because of his efforts.

Patrick works an average of 12 hours a day during the school year. He even works at home grading papers and planning. He is the tennis coach and may help with softball this spring. Like most teachers he has the students interests and best in the forefront of his mind. He looks for ways to motivate his middle school students to learn math. Not an easy task. He carries with him extra money to supply kids who forgot their lunch or do not have money to buy lunch. He is a disciplinarian, diplomat, manager, friend, as well as teacher. His reward is not monetary since his profession demands much but pays the minimum. He works hard and deserves his vacation, but needs to work his fireworks tents because we need the extra money.

These days, teachers are blamed if students don't learn. They are hard pressed to do more and more paperwork that takes them away from the task of teaching. Teachers don't love their job because of the pay, time away from family, or acknowledgment of their work. Good teachers love their job because God made them to teach. It is who they are and they love their students. Love motivates and sustains them when students rebel against their efforts.

Teachers should not be held responsible for all the problems in schools. Education demands a cooperative effort. Teacher, student, administrators and parents all have a vital part in helping a student succeed.

Jesus is our teacher. He should not be blamed for the lack of spiritual growth among His people. It takes a cooperative effort to help us grow closer to God and live an honorable life. We must cooperate with Jesus our teacher, the church which administrates and our fellow members in the Body of Christ. Learning to be like Christ takes time and the lessons are daily challenges. God sent a teacher and wants us to know that two are better than going at it alone. Three is even better!

Are we allowing others into our lives to help us grow? Do we have a teachable spirit? Are we blaming God for our rebellion to His teachings?

Rabbi Jesus, You are the one who offers us visual aids in creation and in Your life here on earth. You give us Your word and so many other tools with which we can learn about You and how to live rightly. Thank You for forgiving us in our rebellion to Your plan. Thank You for leading us gently and sometimes with extra discipline so that we can be more like You. Speak to us today Lord. We are ready to listen!

Decision

2011-01-13T19:44:00.003-05:00

As the time ends for a chapter in our life, I look back and wonder if we made the wrong decision. Was our charity and sticking to our word as wrong as others have said? I ponder all the years, and I have no regrets, though there were some very difficult times. The day is drawing near to when the commitment is over. It is time to move on.

Our daughter and grandladies have lived with us for 9 years. Now that they are moving I am rethinking my very stubborn stand to see our promise stand true to the end. We've experienced the frustrations and irritations of having them around, but we gave our word and we would see it through. We have also had the most wonderful times with our Grandladies as they have grown. Those treasured moments are far more valuable than our own pleasures.

The decision to give them a home has been criticized by most everyone we know. I feel very alone in believing this was the right thing to do. My prayers over the years never drew us away from the decision we made. Did I not hear God? Did I shut my ears to His direction? It is possible, but it will be a judgement made by the righteous judge, not by me or anyone else. But I still wonder. My heart was and is right and steadfast, I am not sure that others see that. I would have followed if my husband had been determined to send them away. I am so glad we worked through it together.

This weekend they will move as a family to a place where I pray they will be safe, find peace, and blessings abundant. I am happy for them even if a part of me is sad. I will miss my Grandladies. I hope they will remember that we have given them the treasure of our hearts. We have shown them the importance of living for Jesus. At least I hope that is what we did.

Father, You love like no other! You know my heart and my thoughts. You know if we did right or wrong in our decision. The time has come for the end and I am happy and sad all at once. Help me to set my eyes on You and Your plan just as I have these past years. Thank You for giving me what I have always wanted: being close to my children and grandchildren. You are so good and I know that even if our decision was wrong, You have promised that because we love You, You will make it all work out for our good. Thank You.

Change and Yellow Roses

2011-01-11T21:27:00.003-05:00

Change seems to be the word to describe these next couple of weeks, months or maybe the year for our family. It begins this weekend when my daughter and her family will be moving from our home to their own place. It has been a long time, and it will be very new for all of us. The change will be a relief and difficult at the same time.

I want change for me too. I want a new place to call my own. I want it, not because I am dissatisfied with this house, but because without kids it is much too big for just the two of us. I imagine it will be like a huge cavern with the kids gone. I wonder if there will be echos. Will I wander about the empty rooms wondering why I have no one to blame for the messes?

Change. I do not find change easy. I hunt for smooth transitions and meaningful ways to celebrate the change. It helps to ease my heavy heart at letting go and embracing the new. With this change I think I want yellow roses. Why? I don't know. I watched a documentary Entitled Yellow Roses. It was about young girls finding their sense of identity and worth. I am not sure the yellow roses would be that for me, but maybe. One thing is sure, Yellow roses are my favorites! They cheer me up. Yes, I want yellow roses for myself and maybe to give to my Grandladies as they move to a new home. Maybe yellow roses will cheer them too!

Father, I know You are watching as we step into this new place. You know our hearts. You know our hesitancy to change. If there will be tears I know You will treasure them and weep with us. You will be our comforter, protector and friend. You will make all of this work out for our good. Thank You for being near while we change our lives into new places. We need You now and always!

Sin is Sin

2011-01-10T10:08:00.005-05:00

Sin is defined by God. Man, being sinful, cannot define sin accurately. God, being only good, is the only source we can turn to for what is bad in our world and our lives. He declares that what is not of Him is sin.

Every day I come face to face with the sin I commit, and the sin of others. This last weekend I found myself emotionally affected by the shootings in Arizona. I was physically and emotionally and spiritually affected by my sin. Both are devastating. Both are far from God and both are equally bad.

Growing up Catholic, I was taught about mortal and venial sins. The church taught that some sins were not as bad as others. If you die with a venial sin on your conscience, you still have hope to get to heaven. This is not so with a mortal sin. It is interesting that the protestant and other churches laugh at this doctrine. They claim that all sin is of equal destruction without Christ. I agree that sin is sin. The funny thing is that in talking to other non-Catholic church goers it is apparent that they too believe that some sin is worse than others.

A conversation last weekend confirmed this to me. We were discussing the proper way to handle our children who choose to fornicate, or follow a homosexual lifestyle. It seemed to be accepted that these children should be shunned. How else will they embrace Christ and His mercy for their sins? The question begs to be asked, what if the child had lied? What difference would that make? Should we shun the liar as well? What if the lie is not discovered? What if it was a one time sin as opposed to a lifestyle? Do we accept a little white lie and not the big cover up? Do we allow the sin in our lives but not in others? Do we allow the sin on our tv but not in real life?

The question of sin is not an easy one. God decides what is sin and what is not. It is only through His judgement on an action or thought that I can label it sin. God also decides how sin is to be removed and cleansed. He chose to pay the price but sets up parameters as to how the sinner will be redeemed. He chose to make only one avenue and that is through belief and trust in Jesus.

In my humble and sometimes faulty opinion, I believe that love is never wrong when it comes to sinners. Yes, sometimes it must be tough, but grace can always be offered in love. Those who choose not to accept grace will do the shunning. We do not need to push them away. It could be that our grace and love shown to those who are blinded by their sin, will draw them closer to Jesus so that His voice can be heard in their hearts and they will be set free. Besides, we are sinners too!

Much has been written about sin over the ages. My little offering will not solve the problems of sins labels or its removal. My purpose is to encourage all of us to let God be God.

Righteous and Holy God, You take away the sins of the world! Have mercy on us as we struggle to deal with the enormous hold sin has on our lives. Teach us to find the justice in weighing our silent sins as heavily as those who make their sin public. Thank You for Your Son Jesus who is Your sacrificial lamb. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us!

Comparisons

2011-01-06T11:45:00.003-05:00

I wish I was...... There are many times I make that statement. I wish I was thinner, prettier, more organized, less messy, etc. etc. When I wish for a change in me I feel guilty for not being better. I can change. I've proved it in the past. Some things, however, still elude my self-discipline and so I go on wishing and feeling guilty for not being as good as someone else.

One of the calendars I bought this year is filled with beautiful photos of nature and thought provoking quotes by Roy Lessin. I am not too familiar with Mr. Lessin or his work so I spent some time going through the calendar pages and reading his quotes. One caught my eye. "Just think, He compares you to no one else."

I have been thinking on this and came to the truth that God does not compare me to other people, but He does compare me to His Son. If Jesus had not paid the price for my sin and stood in my place, God would have to compare my life to His Sons' life and I would fail miserably. However, God makes it clear that He does not want me to be judged without His Sons' covering. He made the comparison ages ago. Jesus stood in front of me, and all those who trust Him, and told The Righteous Judge that we are hidden in Him. No comparison need to be made because of Jesus' grace.

The quotation does tell the truth when it claims that God does not compare us with each other. When I think of this I get a thrill of joy inside. It is a relief to think that I stand before God alone, not with those who out shine me in so many ways! Well, I stand with Jesus, who out shines us all but makes me shine too!

Jesus, Perfect Son of God, You outshine us all and no one compares to You! Thank You for giving me the freedom to be myself. Thank You for doing a good work in me that will bring the changes needed to be more like You. Thank You that You never give up even when I miss the mark completely. Lead me, Lord. Change my wicked ways and purify my thoughts. Help me to leave the comparisons behind so that I might be more like You!

Calendars

2011-01-04T13:08:00.003-05:00

I feel as if I am knee deep in calendars! I have purchased new calendars for different purposes. I have also been setting up a computerized calendar to remind me of important events. Making sure important appointments, and celebrations are listed on the right calendar and then making sure others will know what they need to know about my schedule is crazy right now! I hope once I get it organized things will go smoothly.

I bought one too many calendars this year. It happened on purpose because I like to have a pretty calendar in my bedroom. I had bought one from the Christian book store, but when I browsed another store I found a beautiful artistic one to replace it. I don't really want to get rid of the Christian bookstore calendar, filled with coupons as well as uplifting sayings, but I have no where to put it! So much for trying to simplify my life!

Our modern calendars can schedule us to the minute if we choose. In previous times the calendar revolved around the month and the yearly cycles. That seems very simple to me, but I do not live in a simple time.

God is not limited to a calendar. His time is always perfect. His day is like a 1000 years and His 1000 years is like a day. Even so, He is the one who gave us the phases of the moon and the chart of constellations in the sky. He is the author of our days, weeks, months and years. Could it be that He, being an eternal being without time constraints, has decreed that we, His creation, should live within these time boundaries until we finally go to live with Him in heaven?

I believe that children, though they fight against them, really want boundaries imposed on them. When they are fenced in they know they are safe from the dangers beyond. People know they are loved when they are not allowed to hurt themselves or others by their actions. Maybe our time constraints are Gods' fences to keep us within His safety. Isn't that what happened when He sent Adam and Eve out of the garden?

God did not want man to live forever with their sin. Removing the access to the Tree of Life and setting them outside into the world God let time, seasons and eventually calendars limit sins' expansion. Time limits are another expression of Gods' love.

Eternal Father, You are timeless! Thank You for taking time to save us from our sins. Thank You for entering into our time and being present with us. You are beyond time. You never count our days in impatience. You gently wait for the perfect time to reveal Yourself to us! I see Your hand in the passing of seasons, in the movement of time through my life. You are my timeless Timekeeper! Thank You!

A New Year

2011-01-03T22:18:00.002-05:00

What will the new year have in store for me? Looking into the future is difficult. I cannot see into the next hour let alone days, months, or years. I can plan my next step, but I can never be certain of what that step will be like or where it will take me. New Years Day I look into a fog-filled future and dream of what might be.

From the present I can make goals. What do I want to take into my new year? What do I want to leave behind when I turn around a find the year left behind in my past? What footprints and fingerprints will I leave as I go about my daily life?

I like watching some of the crime dramas on tv. From the scene of the crime they seem to be able to witness the past by the footprints and fingerprints left behind. I do not want my year to be a crime scene, but rather a blessing leaving behind invisible traces of my life.

Holy Lord God, You are the light that shines on the path of my every day! You set before me choices of life and death. I want to choose life, but so often I trip into a hole that would bring me to my knees in weeping. I need You to lift me up and set me back on the path where our footprints and fingerprints will be side by side. Thank You for letting me join You in the work You are doing here in my home, neighborhood and country. Let my steps be bold and sure, carefully chosen in following You!