Die for Him?

I have made plans for my future. I know the house and neighborhood in which I'd like to live. I know what I'd like to be doing as a career for the next few years and I know what I want my family to be like. Of course all of these dreams are the best I can think of for me and my loved ones. I would never plan a disaster or sickness or dissolved relationship to be a part of my dream.

Today, I was daydreaming about the house I really really want to have. It is not big and fancy, but I love the feeling it gives me when I've walked through the rooms. This house has been on the market for a long time now. It is a little more than we want to pay, but it has also come down in price a little. Our house has not sold yet, either, and so my dream house remains a dream.

My dream may or may not be my Heavenly Fathers' dream for me. He may have other plans. The question that has haunted me today has been: Would I die to my dream in order to have His dream? This question makes me stop. I know God is good and all He does is right, but what if I don't want what He wants for me? What if I don't want to let my dream die?

My desires are deep within me and are so much a part of me that to let them go is a death. There will be mourning and sorrow. But, again, God is good and always right. He loves me and wants the very best for me. Maybe those things are not the best of this world, but they are the best of His heavenly world. Jesus has promised that letting go to my life will give me a greater life. God has promised that joy comes in the morning!

It all boils down to trusting in a good and righteous, loving God. How do I know He has my best interests at heart? I know because of the body wrapped in linen and placed in a tomb to be raised from the dead in three days. Jesus' death, burial and resurrection is my sign that He loves. He is trustworthy. He is Good.

Can I die for Him? Can I lay aside my desires to take His desires as my own? I cannot say it is easy. Over the years I have been tested with the little things in life. Some bigger things are being tested now. All I am sure of is that I do want Gods' best for my life. I may struggle in the dying, but I will do my best to always look into His face for the courage to let go and let Him raise me up!

Dearest Lord Jesus, You died for me. It was an awful, painful death. You suffered for me so that I might have the best You could give. Thank You. I struggle with letting go. I see my dreams and desires as the best for me. I don't want to let you or anyone tell me what I need. But that is wrong. You do know what is best. You will do the right thing if I let You. Help pry my fist open so that I can hold onto Your dreams: the plans that are best for me! I do trust You!

Dying to Self ~ Living in God

This last week I wrote a poem about what was happening within me. Thinking about the process of dying in the natural helped me to maybe understand just a little of the process of dying to self.

There is a procession of organs that "shut down" in the body as it begins to die. Could it be that when we die to ourselves we also go through a procession shutting down our desires and cravings for the things of this world?

Here is my poem. Let me know what you think.

Dying to Self ~ Living in God

In foolish futility
I desperately grasp at
The waters of love
To keep as mine
All I treasure.

I labor to breathe in
The rhythm of the life I’ve made
As I want it.
Drowning in my self knowing,
Falling deeper into the well of me.

I press my heart to
Beat in time with my song,
My self energizing efforts supplying
A flood of little purpose.

I turn cold to this world
Its beauty
Its love
Its truth
Its comforts
Its pain
Its empty promises and false meaning.

i let go
i die to self,
i surrender my self .

You, Father, are the giver of life.
You hold life secure in Your hands.
You are the cup that spills over
Withholding nothing.

You are everlasting love
Pulsing faithfully
With a true and powerful purpose.

You are the breath of life abundant
Flowing in the rhythm of
cleansing and healing,
a refreshing fullness.

You are warm comfort,
Security, goodness and grace.
You wash away the chill of death.

You are perfect peace.


By Carolynn J. Scully
22 February 2009

Wrong Thinking

Thoughts direct our actions. I am discovering how true this really is.

When I constantly think about myself and even speak only of my point of view or how the situation affects me, I experience a snowball of emotions that grow into an ice cold selfish me-centered person. I don't like myself much when that happens.

The opposite is also true. When my thoughts are turned to God I am aware of others around me. I am merciful and kind. I glow with God's glory shining through me. It is Christ who lives in me. Others experience my warmth and are drawn to me so that I am able to point them to the Goodness of God and His love for them.

Dying to self is a process where we stop feeding selfish me-centered thoughts. It is not a one time decision, though I wish it were. I must continually take each though as it comes along into the captivity of Christ. It is hard work, and as I grow in doing this I hope it will become second nature, like hearing the voice of the Lord.

I don't like dying, but I am excitedly eager to experience life as it was meant to be lived: in the center of The Great I Am!