Waiting to Live

My brother is dying. Cancer is slowly depleting his strength and stealing his body's ability to sustain life. It has been a long sad time.

Early in the summer we heard the news that the cancer we thought was gone had returned. The prognosis was very poor. He would not survive this, but chemo could help curb the symptoms. He decided that he would not let the doctors intervene and so the waiting began.

The family waits and prays in faith that God will heal him with a miracle. The weaker he becomes the more we pray a litany of requests for him: healing, no pain, getting to see everyone he wants to see, completing his project, more days. God has answered our requests, except for healing.

DJ is a young man by modern standards. Fifty eight years is much too young to face death. I have thought that asking for more days would be enough but why not ask for years? Cancer is a thief. The years have been stolen. We can only hold on to the treasure of each day.

God has been so good to me during this time of waiting. He has given me peace and hope that is so real that I feel it as a presence surrounding me. Songs and scriptures hold a new meaning for me as I hear them amid the realities I face. My prayers have become thought-filled. I question my thinking and avow my convictions with passion. I ask with living faith. And so it was this past Sunday as I spoke to God saying, "I don't want to wait for DJ to die!" My Father in Heaven responded quickly saying, "Wait for him to live!" His words have changed me. I now wait for my brother DJ to live. I wait for him to live eternally. That is my hope and my peace. God the Almighty Sovereign and Good Father is drawing DJ to himself. Every day gives my brother time to choose life, life eternal. It is in God's faithfulness that I trust and wait.

Father God, You are my security. You have given me all I need to face this sad time. I am so glad that You have turned my waiting for death into waiting for life! I know I can trust You. Thank You for every blessing and every lesson I am learning from this time. Thank You for being strong when I am weak. I ask only that I remember these days and not forget the things You have done. I love You, Lord.

A Christmas Letter Part 2

Yesterday it began. The filling of my heart with Christmas started during the church service Sunday morning. The music, sermon, communion, prayer, every moment contributed to the release of Grace into my soul. I was touched to tears.

The grandest moment came when wishing a friend a Merry Christmas and asking how her new job was coming along. God spoke words to me through her. Just like Simeon spoke to Mary in the temple, my friend spoke truth, wisdom and confirmation to me. It was a God moment, even if she did not know.

I learned that through all my struggles during this Advent Season, God was working in me and around me. He has revealed things that have been keeping me in bondage, that coincide with my disappointments of this past month. In the exposing of the root issues, I have seen clearly that He was giving me the best of Christmas.

Christmas is a promise of new life. It is the hope of freedom and change. Jesus is Christmas! He was busy working in me through His Holy Spirit to bring those Christmas gifts to me. I am a blessed woman to serve a God that is so intimately involved in my every day trials.

Father God, Lord Jesus, Precious Holy Spirit, You are one. You are an amazing gift to the world and to me! I am sorry for being so blinded by the things of this world that i did not see You working on my behalf. Thank You for letting me open my gift early. Thank You for using my friend, and all the workers at church to help me regain my sight! Walk with me every day reminding me of this new life! Thank You!

Changing Course

Dead ends are frustrating, discouraging, and maddening! After traveling down a road that seems promising, it is never a welcome sight to find it is a dead end. This is especially true when hopes have grown and dreams dwelt safely in our hearts for a long time.

A dead end means we must turn back and pick up all the footprints we thought we had left behind. On the way we search for another route so we can again move toward our goal. Often we simply let our thoughts travel around and around wondering how we got off track, or if our journey is really meant to reach the goal that now seems so far away. We feel lost. Our steps are sluggish, so different when we boldly started off down this road.

Hope and vision are the compass that we must follow. The question I must ask is where is the hope but in our God who has promised to complete the good work HE has begun? Where is the vision except the vision of His plans that HE has? Those good plans that do not harm? The frustration and discouragement of having to turn around and change course can turn into an adventure, or a time of growth through the challenge. It is a worthy effort to follow our hearts all the way to HIM who not only waits for us but also walks along side of us!

Present Sovereign God, You are with us always. You never leave us to find our way alone. Thank You! Forgive us for allowing the obstacles to shadow Your light along the path. Open our eyes to see YOUR vision and YOUR plan. Make our feet like hind's feet to travel with lightened steps, knowing You are waiting and walking with us all the way! You are Good!

Give Us This Day

Yesterday at Journey Christian Church it was Compassion Sunday. The speaker, Peter Habyakimana, was a child recipient of Compassion's ministry help. He now speaks to churches across the globe stirring peoples' hearts to help the poor children of the world.

Peter told us his story and over and over he emphasized that, growing up, he was never sure of his tomorrow. He lived in fear of dying and asking himself the question, "Do I have a tomorrow?" In my experience That question rarely comes to our privileged minds. We simply assume that we have many more tomorrows in which to do what we want to do, or to do what God has called us to do. Do I have a tomorrow? I don't know, but I have hope.

Hope is something Peter said most poverty stricken people need the most. Compassion gave him hope. Of course, we know that Jesus offers us a hope beyond this world. In fact that hope is secured through Jesus Christ, if only we say, "Yes." If our hope for a future life is secured then maybe we should not concern ourselves with that as much as receiving from Gods' hand our daily bread.

What does today hold for me? Whatever may come I know God is good. He not only gives me hope for the future but He supplies me with grace for today. Oh, yes, God is good all the time! It is Gods' nature! Thank you Peter for making this real to me again!

Good God, Thank You for giving me hope and grace. You are enough and all we really need. I forget so quickly when things do not go as I have planned. Forgive me, Father God, and remind me when I forget. I do not know if I have a tomorrow. You do. Today I ask You Lord, to give me my daily bread!

News

Every day is filled with news. We follow the news of family, friends, local and even world news. Some news is good. It often surprises us. Some news is bad and it, too, can surprise us even if we are prepared for the worst.

This evening, Patrick and I will be traveling to Ft. Meyers to visit family. We had planned to go later this month, but news of his Mom being in the hospital made a change in our plans. We are preparing ourselves for the news of what is causing Mom's symptoms, praying for the best and hoping that the signs we are seeing are not what they seem to be.

News of what might be or what actually is, brings me to my knees. Messages of tribulation happening in the lives of our loved ones or even in our own lives are a call from our Heavenly Father to come and receive strength, hope and comfort. In fact He sent a special messenger to bring Good News to all the world! Jesus held in His nail scarred hands the strength, hope and comfort we need for our every day news.

What news is confronting you today? Have you heard the good news? Do you know the one who brings good news? Do you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and trust Him alone? If you know that He paid the price for every failure you have made, then you can live with Him forever in heaven!

We all have failed to live a perfect life. The good news is that God entered our world to live the perfect life for us. The good news is that we have been offered a free gift. God, the Son, took our place and our punishment. It is good news that we only need to believe and receive. Good news indeed!

Does this kind of news change your life plan? It should! It should bring a debt of love and gratitude to the One who made this news possible. Our lives can change when we hear and believe the GOOD news!

Lord and Savior, you are the source of all Good news! You even can make bad news work for our good. You deserve our trust and faith because You have done great things for us. Thank You for changing my life with the Good news. Thank You for changing the lives of my loved ones too. Thanks for letting me be a part of spreading the good news to others. Today i pray that You will be our good news when we see Patrick's mom! We trust You!

Fading Dreams

I am a dreamer. My dreams are vivid and complicated. I love my dreams even if they are intense, or scary. God visits my dreams in subtle ways. The visions I see in my dreams bring to mind scriptures and that is how God speaks to me in my dreams. I seldom lose my dreams. The pictures usually remain sharp in my mind, but there are those few times when they are like vapor, dissolving in air before I can grasp their fullness. Losing my dream makes me feel frustrated. It is those lost dreams I hope I can revisit when I lay down again. They rarely come back though, and knowing that makes me sad. My heart misses the dream and longs for the message I sense was lost.

I am also a day dreamer. My mind wanders off with hope and faith by my side. I love my day dreams also. They do not always stick around for long, but they are always something to enjoy, hope for, and even talk over with my Heavenly Father. When day dreams fade I feel a deeper sense of loss. Maybe it is because my hope is greater that these dreams could be real. Whatever the reason, the fading of dreams will always draw me closer to my Father who has placed the desires and dreams in my heart.

Father, You are the author of my dreams. You are my hope. I love the hymn that says "Be Thou my vision....." I pray that today. I need You to be my vision, my hope, and my dreams.

Standing Watch Continued

Yesterday I told you about my friend who is taking his last steps here on earth and slowly drawing near to his eternal reward. I spoke yesterday about us standing watch while he travels his journey. I also mentioned that God understands because He stood watch as His Son, Jesus, took the journey. Today I am contemplating another aspect: Was there anyone else who stood watch for Jesus?

The answer is "Yes." There were many who stood watch while Jesus died. Scripture tells us there were people all around, but not all stood watch. Most of the people around the cross were there to mock or do their duty, making certain He died, that the order of execution was complete. Some were just passing by. There was also John, near Jesus' Mother, and other women who had followed Him and ministered to Him. Those were there to stand watch.

I've been asking myself what it means to stand watch. What is the purpose if we cannot change the course of matters? Is it for the dying or is it for the living who are being left behind? For me I think I must stand watch for both.

I stand watch in prayer for the one making the journey. He, like we all, need to know we have been loved. He needs to know he will be remembered. We all want that. We all want our lives to matter to others. Standing watch says, "Yes, you do matter to me!"

I stand in watch for those who are closest to the sojourner. Their loneliness is greatest as they watch their loved ones depart. They need the warmth of friends to stand nearby and to offer comfort. They also need to know their loved one was loved and will be remembered by others.

It takes courage, faith, hope, and great love to stand watch.

Father, Again I come to tell You that You are more than enough for us at times like these. You are our strength and hope. We can never fill all that our loved ones need at this time. Thank You for caring, understanding, and loving us through it all. Be with Will as he lets go of this world and all he loves in it. Be with Carol as she lets go of Will and all she loves about having him here with her! We trust You in all things.