One of the hardest things to tell young people in love is that love is a choice you make daily, not a feeling or emotion you hope will last forever.
When Patrick and I talk to young couples in love, we always tell them about love as a choice.
We often ask those we counsel if they think Jesus felt the sweet tingly feeling of new love when He hung on the cross. They can't imagine that, but we know that He was on the cross because of His great love for us. No, He did not feel gushy mushy kind of feelings for us while He was tortured, but He did love us.
The same holds true for married couples. When we are hurt by our mates, we do not feel tenderhearted or the emotion of love for them. But we can always choose to love despite the hurt. Love can bring us warm tender sweet feelings, but those will not last. I think that is what the wedding vows say. I choose to love you in sickness and health, with riches or in poverty. Whatever comes your way you always have a choice to love. It is not always easy but it is possible.
Our choice to love joins our hearts and our will in an amazing bond. Love truly is the greatest! There is nothing like it! Feelings are made subject to our will when we choose to love. Love does not depend on the other persons' performance, because the choice has been made by the other.
Perfect Love, You are the Giver of the best gift of all: Love. You are the Perfect Love we all seek. Our love falls far short of the perfection You want us to experience, and yet You always love, You always give. Thank You! Open our hearts and our minds to the truth of true love. Guide us to make the right choice, the choice to love like You do!
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Did He Marry a Jerkette?
I love to talk about love, marriage and the family. Sunday morning services promise to give me much to talk about in the next few weeks. Journey Christian Church is doing a series on marriage. Yesterday's title was "How Not to Marry a Jerk (or Jerkette)."
Like most everyone in the church yesterday, I set my mind to find out if I had married a jerk. I KNOW I didn't, but there are times when my Sweetheart of a husband has fallen into that category. Looking back, I must admit I was ready to put him there again if the occasion arose. It wasn't long after I began taking notes however, that I began to hear a small whisper asking me if I might have been the Jerkette when we got married. OH no! I couldn't have heard that right, could I?
I must admit that I brought baggage into our marriage, and I tried my best to hide it away in a back closet. It wasn't long before my entire wardrobe was revealed. I had a lot of old clothes that should have long ago found a new place. I hope you understand that I am not really talking about clothes here. I am talking about my past experiences, beliefs, quirks and habits. The question is did all that baggage make me into a Jerkette?
I don't have a definitive definition for Jerk/Jerkette so I don't think I can say yes or no to my question. One thing I do know is that in order to make the best use of this marriage sermon series I must keep my mind open to MY part of the marriage, not his! I heard Creflo Dollar once say that, it is not the way his wife loves him that he needs to worry about. It is the way he loves her. I agree. If I am to love unconditionally, I must love the best I possibly can, no matter what his love looks like.
God of Love, You brought Patrick and I together in marriage. We rely on You to lead us through the rough days and rejoice with us in our triumphs. You are love. It is only in Your presence that we can know a love greater than ourselves, and live a love for each other that is honest and lasts. Thank You for sharing Your love, teaching us to live in love, and changing our selfish ideas so that we can love. You are what we need in our marriage. We invite You to be the center of our lives.
Like most everyone in the church yesterday, I set my mind to find out if I had married a jerk. I KNOW I didn't, but there are times when my Sweetheart of a husband has fallen into that category. Looking back, I must admit I was ready to put him there again if the occasion arose. It wasn't long after I began taking notes however, that I began to hear a small whisper asking me if I might have been the Jerkette when we got married. OH no! I couldn't have heard that right, could I?
I must admit that I brought baggage into our marriage, and I tried my best to hide it away in a back closet. It wasn't long before my entire wardrobe was revealed. I had a lot of old clothes that should have long ago found a new place. I hope you understand that I am not really talking about clothes here. I am talking about my past experiences, beliefs, quirks and habits. The question is did all that baggage make me into a Jerkette?
I don't have a definitive definition for Jerk/Jerkette so I don't think I can say yes or no to my question. One thing I do know is that in order to make the best use of this marriage sermon series I must keep my mind open to MY part of the marriage, not his! I heard Creflo Dollar once say that, it is not the way his wife loves him that he needs to worry about. It is the way he loves her. I agree. If I am to love unconditionally, I must love the best I possibly can, no matter what his love looks like.
God of Love, You brought Patrick and I together in marriage. We rely on You to lead us through the rough days and rejoice with us in our triumphs. You are love. It is only in Your presence that we can know a love greater than ourselves, and live a love for each other that is honest and lasts. Thank You for sharing Your love, teaching us to live in love, and changing our selfish ideas so that we can love. You are what we need in our marriage. We invite You to be the center of our lives.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Marriage is Hard Work
When I was dreaming about being married as a young woman, I thought marriage was easy. You fall in love, and stay in love, "Til death do you part." Now that I am living the "Dream" of being married, I know that it is hard work.
It does not take much in the way of time, or issues to cause a marriage to break down. It can be like having a flat tire on a deserted road. Something is said or not said. Things are done or not done. Misunderstood words or actions can be like the nail in the road that punctures the tire. It is time for the couple to get out of the car and fix what is wrong. Walking away in opposite directions may seem like an option, but it isn't. Others who might pass the same way, may know your vehicle and wonder why it was abandoned, or the children might be left sitting in the back seat wondering where they should go to be safe. It is the little things that, when ignored, will become a major problem in the end.
My husband, Patrick, and I have taken time to service our marriage like a conscientious car owner might service his cars. We go on dates weekly. We attend marriage enrichment seminars. We read books about marriage. Recently we began reading the book, "Living in Love" by James and Betty Robison. Patrick bought them for us for Christmas. We each have a copy so we can read on our own, answer the questions and then come together to discuss. It is a good way to repair damage done and do a little preventive maintenance.
I look forward to the next sermon series on marriage that John will begin on Sunday. The church and our country need the solid foundation of strong marriages. Tough times put stress on relationships, but there are helps. We are all affected by the marriages that fail. We are also affected by those marriages that last a loving lifetime.
God is the author of the marriage covenant. He even designed it to work between Himself and the church. He is the source of strength between a couple, or the hammer and nails that can repair them. He is the third cord that makes the couple not easily broken. (see Eccl.4:9-12)
Threefold Cord, God and author of the marriage covenant, You made us so different and yet, You desire for us to live together as one. You are Love, and You ask us to love one another as You have loved the church. It is hard sometimes, Lord. It is so easy to walk away from the hard work it takes to be the sign of Your love in the world. Help our marriages to grow. Help us to live our lives for a greater purpose than our own. Thank You for supplying us with Your word, Your grace, and Your love. Make us like You!
It does not take much in the way of time, or issues to cause a marriage to break down. It can be like having a flat tire on a deserted road. Something is said or not said. Things are done or not done. Misunderstood words or actions can be like the nail in the road that punctures the tire. It is time for the couple to get out of the car and fix what is wrong. Walking away in opposite directions may seem like an option, but it isn't. Others who might pass the same way, may know your vehicle and wonder why it was abandoned, or the children might be left sitting in the back seat wondering where they should go to be safe. It is the little things that, when ignored, will become a major problem in the end.
My husband, Patrick, and I have taken time to service our marriage like a conscientious car owner might service his cars. We go on dates weekly. We attend marriage enrichment seminars. We read books about marriage. Recently we began reading the book, "Living in Love" by James and Betty Robison. Patrick bought them for us for Christmas. We each have a copy so we can read on our own, answer the questions and then come together to discuss. It is a good way to repair damage done and do a little preventive maintenance.
I look forward to the next sermon series on marriage that John will begin on Sunday. The church and our country need the solid foundation of strong marriages. Tough times put stress on relationships, but there are helps. We are all affected by the marriages that fail. We are also affected by those marriages that last a loving lifetime.
God is the author of the marriage covenant. He even designed it to work between Himself and the church. He is the source of strength between a couple, or the hammer and nails that can repair them. He is the third cord that makes the couple not easily broken. (see Eccl.4:9-12)
Threefold Cord, God and author of the marriage covenant, You made us so different and yet, You desire for us to live together as one. You are Love, and You ask us to love one another as You have loved the church. It is hard sometimes, Lord. It is so easy to walk away from the hard work it takes to be the sign of Your love in the world. Help our marriages to grow. Help us to live our lives for a greater purpose than our own. Thank You for supplying us with Your word, Your grace, and Your love. Make us like You!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Light My fire
Last night after dinner, Patrick and I continued to celebrate our anniversary with reading our vows to each other as we do every year. We then drove home and decided to do something new. We dug out the extra fireworks from the Fourth of July and lit them! It was fun!
Lighting the fireworks took preparation and effort from both of us. We needed a bucket of water and a working lighter. Then trying to light them with the wind blowing was a bit tricky. When the fuse finally took, it wasn't long before we enjoyed the sparkles, crackles and whistles!
It was much like marriage. Preparations are made for the ceremony and every couple can benefit from the preparation for the uniting of their two lives. Discussing the tough issues is not always fun, but necessary. It is best to get a good start on those talks before the vows are said. In every marriage each person needs to be willing to light the spark of romance and love. We also need to make sure we are prepared to douse out the flames of arguments before they get out of control. Preparing for the party is only part of what engagements are about.
There is plenty of opposition to lighting the spark of love each day. Yes, every day the choice must be made to light the fire of love between spouses. Just like the wind last night, the world and the enemy can swiftly make that decision difficult if not impossible! Busyness, irritations, selfishness, and much more can whip up the winds of adversity that fight the flame, and your best efforts. Last night Patrick and I had to huddle together to get most of the fuses lit. We even had to get a new lighter at one point. It is important to do what you need to, and don't give up! The rewards are ready to be enjoyed.
The display of light, color and snaps and pops last night brought cheers and delighted the neighborhood! We had fun! It was worth the effort to push through and make it all happen. The lesson to learn is that marriage can be a fireworks display of delight or a fizzled out disappointment depending on the effort and commitment of both husband and wife. I think God planned it that way!
Creator God, You are the author of marriage. You make a miracle in uniting us together as one flesh in marriage. We can never make it work without You! Thank You for giving us the tools to make it work. Help us to choose wisely each day. Help us to love one another and show us the fireworks!
Lighting the fireworks took preparation and effort from both of us. We needed a bucket of water and a working lighter. Then trying to light them with the wind blowing was a bit tricky. When the fuse finally took, it wasn't long before we enjoyed the sparkles, crackles and whistles!
It was much like marriage. Preparations are made for the ceremony and every couple can benefit from the preparation for the uniting of their two lives. Discussing the tough issues is not always fun, but necessary. It is best to get a good start on those talks before the vows are said. In every marriage each person needs to be willing to light the spark of romance and love. We also need to make sure we are prepared to douse out the flames of arguments before they get out of control. Preparing for the party is only part of what engagements are about.
There is plenty of opposition to lighting the spark of love each day. Yes, every day the choice must be made to light the fire of love between spouses. Just like the wind last night, the world and the enemy can swiftly make that decision difficult if not impossible! Busyness, irritations, selfishness, and much more can whip up the winds of adversity that fight the flame, and your best efforts. Last night Patrick and I had to huddle together to get most of the fuses lit. We even had to get a new lighter at one point. It is important to do what you need to, and don't give up! The rewards are ready to be enjoyed.
The display of light, color and snaps and pops last night brought cheers and delighted the neighborhood! We had fun! It was worth the effort to push through and make it all happen. The lesson to learn is that marriage can be a fireworks display of delight or a fizzled out disappointment depending on the effort and commitment of both husband and wife. I think God planned it that way!
Creator God, You are the author of marriage. You make a miracle in uniting us together as one flesh in marriage. We can never make it work without You! Thank You for giving us the tools to make it work. Help us to choose wisely each day. Help us to love one another and show us the fireworks!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Marriage
37 years ago Patrick and I celebrated our wedding day. Our lives together really started about a year before that. When we met we had no idea that today would be a day of celebrating so much of our lives together. We simply enjoyed being with each other and began to fall in love over deep conversations, and Taco Bell.
We still enjoy deep conversations, but not too much Taco Bell. We have grown to admire each others' strengths, and forgive our weaknesses. We have learned to appreciate our differences. Disappointments and disillusionment have been sprinkled with love making those tough times become teachable moments for each of us as individuals and as a couple. We choose to remember the joys and delights that have lifted us to heights we never would have reached if we had not been committed to each other.
After 37 years we do know some of what it takes to make a marriage work. I admit we have much we do not know. We have yet to face a life threatening illness. We have not had to live with disability in each other or our children. Our lives have not been touched by infidelity or a major breech of trust. We don't need to experience these things to have a good marriage. Our experience has not and probably will never be an example of a perfect marriage, but our desire is to be a living example of Christ and the Church.
When one of us fails the other will sacrifice and forgive. We will work together to see that we each will be all that God has designed us to be. We will be the beacon of light and a tree that gives shade as we live out our vows. today we repeat those vows with the trust that we cannot fulfill them without the help of God. (If you want to read our vows to each other I will post them on my Poetry Impressed blog. You can find it at http://www.poetryimpressed.blogspot.com)
God, our Father, You have made us man and wife. You have blessed us with Your presence in our marriage and I thank You! You continue to help us fight the enemy and the world that would diminish our resolve to love each other through all of our days. Today we look back over the years and see Your blessing and faithfulness. We trust in You to get us through to the end. Draw us closer to the goal. Draw us closer to You! We will always remember that a threefold cord is not quickly broken!
We still enjoy deep conversations, but not too much Taco Bell. We have grown to admire each others' strengths, and forgive our weaknesses. We have learned to appreciate our differences. Disappointments and disillusionment have been sprinkled with love making those tough times become teachable moments for each of us as individuals and as a couple. We choose to remember the joys and delights that have lifted us to heights we never would have reached if we had not been committed to each other.
After 37 years we do know some of what it takes to make a marriage work. I admit we have much we do not know. We have yet to face a life threatening illness. We have not had to live with disability in each other or our children. Our lives have not been touched by infidelity or a major breech of trust. We don't need to experience these things to have a good marriage. Our experience has not and probably will never be an example of a perfect marriage, but our desire is to be a living example of Christ and the Church.
When one of us fails the other will sacrifice and forgive. We will work together to see that we each will be all that God has designed us to be. We will be the beacon of light and a tree that gives shade as we live out our vows. today we repeat those vows with the trust that we cannot fulfill them without the help of God. (If you want to read our vows to each other I will post them on my Poetry Impressed blog. You can find it at http://www.poetryimpressed.blogspot.com)
God, our Father, You have made us man and wife. You have blessed us with Your presence in our marriage and I thank You! You continue to help us fight the enemy and the world that would diminish our resolve to love each other through all of our days. Today we look back over the years and see Your blessing and faithfulness. We trust in You to get us through to the end. Draw us closer to the goal. Draw us closer to You! We will always remember that a threefold cord is not quickly broken!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Mystery
Married life is a mystery. No matter how we try we can never fully understand nor discover the workings of our spouse.
I try very hard to figure out the relationship between my husband and myself. I read books and watch programs all with a mind to understand my man. He, on the other hand, doesn't seem to wonder how I think or what makes me tick. He may be coerced into participating in a marriage program but I am never sure of where his mind is. I think it may stem from the myth that men believe we can't be understood. So they do not even try. It makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time.
I'd like to think I could captivate his attention at least a little so he would try to figure out the mystery. Even so it is a bit fun watching him hide away or dance around the little clues I give.
I am sure of my man's heart. He may not try to unravel the intricate workings of my thoughts, which I sometimes can't even unravel, but he loves my confusing , challenging charms. They have kept him occupied for over 35 years now.
Whatever God had in mind when creating us so mysterious to each other, He certainly made life interesting. All of our questions about each other are woven with love into the threefold cord that binds us together with our Creator.
This is all just a mystery to me!
I try very hard to figure out the relationship between my husband and myself. I read books and watch programs all with a mind to understand my man. He, on the other hand, doesn't seem to wonder how I think or what makes me tick. He may be coerced into participating in a marriage program but I am never sure of where his mind is. I think it may stem from the myth that men believe we can't be understood. So they do not even try. It makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time.
I'd like to think I could captivate his attention at least a little so he would try to figure out the mystery. Even so it is a bit fun watching him hide away or dance around the little clues I give.
I am sure of my man's heart. He may not try to unravel the intricate workings of my thoughts, which I sometimes can't even unravel, but he loves my confusing , challenging charms. They have kept him occupied for over 35 years now.
Whatever God had in mind when creating us so mysterious to each other, He certainly made life interesting. All of our questions about each other are woven with love into the threefold cord that binds us together with our Creator.
This is all just a mystery to me!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
I Do
It is not often now-a-days that couples can celebrate 50 years of being together. It is rare that a man and woman forge a path strewn with thorns, pot holes, stones and ruts and still look at one another with love because they said "I do!"
Today I celebrated with dear friends who will cross that threshold tomorrow. They are a picture of priceless love that was chosen every day and every passing year. No, it has not always been easy. Their story has long been haunted by the debilitating illness of M.S. Through it all they have said "I do" to each other
I do choose you.
I do love you,
I do not give up.
The power in those two words is not that they are said at the begining of the marriage. Their power is in the living and doing. They may be easy to say but they hold a challenge in the living. I believe that in these words lies a golden opportunity. The question is will we as couples step up to the challenge? There is a reward if we do. I challenge you to find that reward!
Today I celebrated with dear friends who will cross that threshold tomorrow. They are a picture of priceless love that was chosen every day and every passing year. No, it has not always been easy. Their story has long been haunted by the debilitating illness of M.S. Through it all they have said "I do" to each other
I do choose you.
I do love you,
I do not give up.
The power in those two words is not that they are said at the begining of the marriage. Their power is in the living and doing. They may be easy to say but they hold a challenge in the living. I believe that in these words lies a golden opportunity. The question is will we as couples step up to the challenge? There is a reward if we do. I challenge you to find that reward!
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