Connected

I would like to think I am connected to other people, but I confess I don't always feel connected. Family, friends, church, and other connecting places don't always look or feel touchable.

I don't think I am alone in this thinking. I really think that most of us walk through our day talking and interacting with others without really pushing past the exterior facade. We never really touch the real person who lives out of reach safe behind our fears and insecurities. We don't take the time or make the effort to tear down the walls. We simply smile and walk past.

I also don't think I am alone in longing to be real with others. I want to touch and be touched. I want to be known and to know. The question is: How do we get over or around the wall? How do we break down the barriers? I am guessing it has to start with me being vulnerable. If I open my heart will someone else do the same? Or will my vulnerability prove to be painful and push me further into my self-made tower of protection?

In the past I have tried and failed. I have also tried and been surprised by success though short lived or small. Lately I've been protective, but I know I must lay down my shield and allow others into my real world where my reality will show itself in all my strengths and weaknesses. Scary? Yes! But an adventure awaits for me, an adventure of life!

I am scared to open myself to others, Father. I do not want to be hurt. You are my strength and You know all about me, so I trust that You will guide me. You will always be my safe refuge!

Frustration

Frustrate means to break or interrupt. It is an apt description of how I have felt for the last few days. My plans are being thwarted by seemingly small and insignificant things and circumstances (computer glitches, my rush jobs becoming a mess and needing to be done over and over, etc.)

I guess I could say that my planned path has met a brick wall! It is frustrating and sometimes I allow myself to become angry. Now that I stop to think things over, I wonder what I can do with the brick wall that I am facing.

Can I beat it down with persistence and force? Is it possible to scale the wall and get past it by "rising above" or ignoring the problem? Then there is the thought that I should go in another direction. Which way should I go when I was so very sure that I was headed in the right direction? Could God be directing me to see a new path or a more satisfactory one?

I do not have the answers yet. The only way to really know the truth and break free is to pray and seek the One who sees all, El Roi.

El Roi, I desire to see what You see in this situation. Open my eyes, Lord!