Grief has Changed Me

Grief has changed me. Over my lifetime I have been touched by grief of different kinds. Some sorrows came about from deaths of loved ones. The loss of a dream or even a cherished item has caused me sadness. I was changed in each circumstance.

My most recent season of grief has been for my brother and my friend. Others may not understand the deep mourning I have over the loss of these loved ones. In this time of sorrow, I know God is still good, and I know He is still present to me. But it seems that a dark cloud stands between His light and me. No matter how hard I try to push past the cloud of darkness, I only become engulfed by its confusion and pain. I am weary of the battle and so I call for help.

I am connecting with others who are seeking the light and together we are calling out to God to break away the cloud of grief through GriefShare. My prayer is that I will soon see the light shine on me fully.

Grief and sadness made me more compassionate, merciful and kinder to others. I have also learned to trust God more fully even if not perfectly. I know He is always with me and my faith has grown to know that He is good in every circumstance. Yes, grief has changed me.

Father, You, too, know grief. You understand and I am so grateful that You will help all who call on You in their time of sorrow. Forgive us when we fail to see Your goodness. Thank You for Your patient kindness. Let us see the light of life fully because we trust You to breathe on us the power of Your Holy Spirit to walk each day knowing You are faithful and will always be there for us.


His Faithfulness


His faithfulness
reaches to the heavens of
the entire universe and
holds the fiery stars
in place.
Though my eye fail to see
past the brilliance of the sun,
His faithfulness
maintains the stars as they
await shadows that unveil the
truth in whom
I can put my trust.

His faithfulness
knit me together in
my mothers’ womb and
holds my frail life
in place.
Though my eye fail to see
my inner workings,
His faithfulness
breathes breath into me and
my very life reveals the
truth in whom
I can put my trust.

His faithfulness
speaks a promise through
His word and
holds my eternity
in place.
Though my eye fail to see
the future,
His faithfulness
is trustworthy and
someday I will see the
truth and Him in whom
I have put my trust.


Carolynn J. Scully ©2011

A Blue Balloon

Balloons are delightful to children. It is fun to watch their amused looks and wonder at the brightly colored ball floating through the air attached to a string they hold tight in their hands. I remember each of my children smiling wide as the balloon followed them with just a little encouraging tug on the string. They all also felt the deep disappointment when they momentarily eased their grip and the balloon floated away up into the heavens. Oh, they watched their blue, pink or yellow flier climb high and become smaller and smaller. They expected it to come back but it never did. It was gone, for good.

One of my first mothering experiences with a runaway balloon came when my first daughter was maybe two or three. At first, Erin was surprised that her toy was moving away, and then her surprise turned into tears. I began to comfort her and told her that God would take care of her balloon, and that I was very sure He was happy that she let it go up to Him. With tear filled eyes, Erin turned to me and said, "But I don't want God to have my balloon!"

I've discovered that same story lives in me. There are somethings dear to my heart that I hold onto very tight. I grasp and try so very hard to keep my treasure close. Inevitably it slips away from me, maybe by the gentle tug of my Heavenly Father who really does know what is best for me. I am surprised, because I've fought so hard to keep them close. Then I am brokenhearted to lose what I thought was so precious. I watch with impossible hope, my heart following after the lost possession.

I feel empty. I am empty handed and I cry out that I don't want God to have what belongs to me! I sense the loss, and my eyes fill with tears. I don't want to let go. I do not want God to have my home, family, career, ministry or a million other things. They belong to me, don't they? The truth is that those idols I grasped so tightly were never mine. I was bound to them. My Lord God is a jealous God, wanting me for His own! He desires my freedom from bondage and will set me free even if it causes me some momentary pain. Oh, what a Good God He is!

God of wonder and infinite love, You loosen the strings and ropes that bind me to people, places and things, not so that I will be hurt, but so that I will be set free! You set me free so that You can be greater in me and for me! You are Good. Thank You for taking away those tethers that tie me down. Thank You for setting me free to reach upwards to You and come closer to You! Forgive me when I forget that I am the balloon set free. Forgive me for wanting to be tied down more than to fly high to You! Remind me always that You are my Freedom, You are my Deliverer, You are where my treasure lies! God I want You to have all of me!

Lost Words, Lost Thoughts

Yesterday I wrote out an entire blog but it failed to post so I am here to apologize to interested readers for the loss.

Everyone has had experiences of losing a dream as we awake. We also lose a thought now and again. Then there are times when we just cannot find the right word to express what we want to say. Losing my blog was a bigger loss. I had complete thoughts and the right words. It was lost because of a computer failure, not my brain dysfunction. It will not stop me from trying to share new thoughts with you.

Loss is a part of life. We think new thoughts and create new words. We also will lose some of them. The truth is that they existed. They lived even for a short time and so they were of some value, even if only to me.

Human life is like that too. It can be short or last many years, but all life has value. Life's value does not come from its length, greatness, nor purposefulness. Life's value comes from its Creator because He alone is given glory through it.