The delivery room nurse carefully hands over a wrapped bundle and leaves a tired and happy
Mom looking into a tiny face. Mom begins a deliberate search through the blanket looking for
toes and fingers. She sees little dimples and exclaims that they belong to Grandma, and those
long delicate fingers are just like Grandpas'. That mop of red hair comes from Mommy, the
bright blue eyes from Daddy. Every similarity to family members confirms that the child she
holds in her arms belongs to her. Each visitor who takes that tiny one into their arms looks for
something that bears a resemblance to themselves or others on the family tree. They all
belong to one another.
Every change as the child grows is watched carefully for family resemblances. Parents are
surprised when traits spring up, but most are welcomed as a badge of honor from ancestors
remembered. It is amazing to see those connections in our children. These associations
help to strengthen the bonds we share. It is very normal for us to search out in our child those
things with which we can relate. Common bonds provide paths of communication and
understanding. But when we look into those beautiful faces, we should not expect to see a
perfect reflection of ourselves. The combination of puzzle pieces from generations and the
unique measure of personhood from the Creator create a new and singular person.
Children are not mirrors in which we can look and see our past. It is not possible to go back in
time through our children and make right the mistakes we made, or replicate our successes.
Parents who try to see a mirrored reflection of themselves may set a trap for their child to fail in their God-given purpose. When we emphasize only the similarities between us, the child begins to believe that he or she must live up to that image. It is more important to give the child a sense of being who they were created to be, and that is ultimately decided between
them and God.
Children are windows. Looking past physical attributes into their thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams parents can perceive a world of possibilities. If we look close enough we may even see the fingerprint of God. It is pure pleasure to watch a child unfold like a blossom that comes from a mysterious seed. We cannot know the final outcome. We can only watch with wonder
as the petals unfold and reveal their beauty. Of course, our job as parents is not to just watch through the window. We are given the task of providing the sunshine of spiritual truth, a steady flow of water for quenching the thirst of curiosity, and lots of fertilizer to feed the body as it grows.
It takes practice and prayer to see a child or any person with the eyes of God. It takes work to discover what makes a person light up. If we can discover the passions others hold we can bring them encouragement. Parenting to find the child's, "way in which he should go," demands becoming a student as well as a teacher for your child.
How do we become a student of our son or daughter? We do our homework. We ask questions, spend quality time with them, and watch and listen. Body language, as well as tone of voice, are just as important as the words they use. Ask them why they chose a certain way of doing something. Try not to make them change because of your preferences before you discover why they behave as they do. Be open to listen to them without interruption. Read their story every day and a pattern will emerge. You will discover those unique pieces of the puzzle that make them who they are.
Father, You are the perfect parent. You do see your image in us, but You also recognize that we, ourselves must find out who You made us to be. Forgive us for living our lives for ourselves and not for You. Thank You for showing us how to parent our children. Let us always run to You for wisdom and gidance for those tough parenting times. We trust You.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Parenting Styles
After talking with a young mom about parenting styles earlier today, I began thinking about my philosophy of parenting and how it has changed over the years.
Long ago, when I was a new Mom, I relied heavily on the experts. I read just about every book . Of course, getting my B.S. degree in Child Development and Family Relationships made me certain that I would do everything right as a parent! I was shocked when I began to see flaws in my parenting, and so I sought other moms and read more books. Learning from the best did not make my child a perfect child nor was I a perfect parent! I judged myself by what the books said a parent should do and I judged my child by how they measured up to other children.
The sad truth in all of this is that it took me years to finally go to the One who formed us both! God, Himself, is the only perfect parent. He alone knows the unique fingerprint of His image we will be for the world. He is the only one who should be consulted for the wisdom on how to parent our children.
Looking back over the years I saw successes only when I trusted that God loved my children more than I did. He placed them in my care because He knew that I was the right person to give them something they would need to serve Him. Today, I should have told that young mom that God, not me, or other moms can judge what is right for her child or anyone elses. If she remains close to Him she will fulfill her role as a mother just as God has planned.
The sequel to this is that we should also watch out about our judgement of others' parenting. It just may be that God wants His children to be raised under different parenting styles.
Long ago, when I was a new Mom, I relied heavily on the experts. I read just about every book . Of course, getting my B.S. degree in Child Development and Family Relationships made me certain that I would do everything right as a parent! I was shocked when I began to see flaws in my parenting, and so I sought other moms and read more books. Learning from the best did not make my child a perfect child nor was I a perfect parent! I judged myself by what the books said a parent should do and I judged my child by how they measured up to other children.
The sad truth in all of this is that it took me years to finally go to the One who formed us both! God, Himself, is the only perfect parent. He alone knows the unique fingerprint of His image we will be for the world. He is the only one who should be consulted for the wisdom on how to parent our children.
Looking back over the years I saw successes only when I trusted that God loved my children more than I did. He placed them in my care because He knew that I was the right person to give them something they would need to serve Him. Today, I should have told that young mom that God, not me, or other moms can judge what is right for her child or anyone elses. If she remains close to Him she will fulfill her role as a mother just as God has planned.
The sequel to this is that we should also watch out about our judgement of others' parenting. It just may be that God wants His children to be raised under different parenting styles.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Random thoughts
My husband and I are planning to visit our Moms in Colorado this summer. I've been looking forward to it until lately. I guess you could say I am afraid of seeing my mom as she declines in years. Don't get me wrong, she is very healthy physically, but she seems to be having some mental issues according to my sister who lives near her and watches over her for all of us who are away. I don't want to see my Mom struggle. What ever I find when I see her, I pray it won't be as bad as my mind is conjuring. I want my visit to be pleasant and filled with great memories.
I've parented my four children and have also been an integral part of parenting five others, not to mention all the advice I have given to young Moms along the way. I actually have a degree in child development and family relationships. Though I've made mistakes, I think we did a good job as parents. Lately, I have felt judged as far below what I think I am. I guess there is pride involved. My children are not perfect. They try to live Godly lives, but like everyone they fall short. For the most part they learn from their mistakes and accept the consequences with courage. They also know that when they fail they can return to Jesus for forgiveness and that is what makes them good Christians, not perfection. I am proud of my family!
Babies need alot of love. They can never get enoughof the tender loving touches that help them grow. In my opinion I believe that everytime a baby cries they should be attended to. It builds trust between the child and the parent/caregiver. When a baby, who is not able to do for themselves, is left to cry it out they learn that they are unimportant and that they cannot trust those who can supply their need. Of course this should not last forever. There does come a time when the parent/caregiver recognizes that the baby is pulling strings to stay lazy and not responsible for his/her own needs. The age may vary but it usually comes around the age of six months in my opinion. You may think I am a supporter of spoiling a child, but I like what I read somewhere that "Spoiling is doing for your child what they cannot do for themselves." So it doesn't hurt to hold your baby and let them sleep in your arms if you want to! Just remember that someday it will have to end!
As my family has grown and we have added new people into our lives and grandbabies are coming along, I am feeling like I am looking in at them all through a window. I wonder why and how I can get back inside to enjoy the closeness. It isn't that I am excluded from activities or gatherings, but even in the middle of it all I somehow seem to be on the fringe. I can't seem to join in a conversation except for short little agreements or disagreements of what is being talked about. I feel as if my thoughts are out of place and maybe "old-fashioned" and no one wants to hear them. so I sit and listen and enjoy the fun that others are having. It makes me feel old. I really don't feel old on the inside. I know I have experiences and wisdom and stories to share, but when sharing them brings comments, rolled eyes, and snickers I guess it makes me rethink my place. Maybe I do need to be on the outside on the front porch. Maybe someday someone will come and sit with me and listen to my stories. Till then I will listen to theirs!
Random thoughts are now settled. They no longer need to float around my head and keep me occupied. Journaling is good for that purpose! Maybe you need to write something down too.
I've parented my four children and have also been an integral part of parenting five others, not to mention all the advice I have given to young Moms along the way. I actually have a degree in child development and family relationships. Though I've made mistakes, I think we did a good job as parents. Lately, I have felt judged as far below what I think I am. I guess there is pride involved. My children are not perfect. They try to live Godly lives, but like everyone they fall short. For the most part they learn from their mistakes and accept the consequences with courage. They also know that when they fail they can return to Jesus for forgiveness and that is what makes them good Christians, not perfection. I am proud of my family!
Babies need alot of love. They can never get enoughof the tender loving touches that help them grow. In my opinion I believe that everytime a baby cries they should be attended to. It builds trust between the child and the parent/caregiver. When a baby, who is not able to do for themselves, is left to cry it out they learn that they are unimportant and that they cannot trust those who can supply their need. Of course this should not last forever. There does come a time when the parent/caregiver recognizes that the baby is pulling strings to stay lazy and not responsible for his/her own needs. The age may vary but it usually comes around the age of six months in my opinion. You may think I am a supporter of spoiling a child, but I like what I read somewhere that "Spoiling is doing for your child what they cannot do for themselves." So it doesn't hurt to hold your baby and let them sleep in your arms if you want to! Just remember that someday it will have to end!
As my family has grown and we have added new people into our lives and grandbabies are coming along, I am feeling like I am looking in at them all through a window. I wonder why and how I can get back inside to enjoy the closeness. It isn't that I am excluded from activities or gatherings, but even in the middle of it all I somehow seem to be on the fringe. I can't seem to join in a conversation except for short little agreements or disagreements of what is being talked about. I feel as if my thoughts are out of place and maybe "old-fashioned" and no one wants to hear them. so I sit and listen and enjoy the fun that others are having. It makes me feel old. I really don't feel old on the inside. I know I have experiences and wisdom and stories to share, but when sharing them brings comments, rolled eyes, and snickers I guess it makes me rethink my place. Maybe I do need to be on the outside on the front porch. Maybe someday someone will come and sit with me and listen to my stories. Till then I will listen to theirs!
Random thoughts are now settled. They no longer need to float around my head and keep me occupied. Journaling is good for that purpose! Maybe you need to write something down too.
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