Motives

My husband and I are reading through a devotion book for Lent. "Reliving the Passion" by Walter Wangerin, Jr. goes through Marks' remembrances of the Passion of our Lord Jesus. Mr. Wangerins' insights into the scripture we read are thought provoking. Today we read Mark 14:1b, 10-11 about Judas Iscariot going to the chief priests to betray Jesus. The question raised was, does a motive for a sin make it any less of a sin? Judas' motives are never revealed. If his motives were important wouldn't God have made sure they were included in the Gospel?



My answer to the question was decidedly, "No, good intentions do not change the sin." Unfortunately, I again say one thing and do another. Do I really believe that sin can be lessened when my motives are right? If my actions were to be the response to that question, I would be wholeheartedly agreeing. Sin is sin, but I am quick to make excuses. I want my intent to be weighed along with my thoughts, words, or actions. I can then make my sinful deeds to seem less hurtful. I can also point the finger at others whose actions or words have spurred my motives.



Thinking over these thoughts presented by Mr. Wangerin, reminded of the many times I have made light of my sin because of my good intentions.The truth that is revealed today is that God did not make light of my sin. Jesus paid the full price without excuses. when I stand before the Throne I can lay all my excuses at Jesus feet and still my sin will leave a scar .



Dear Lord Jesus, my Savior and Redeemer of my lost soul, I imagine bowing before You and seeing those scars on Your feet left by my sin. I imagine Your loving hands reaching down and lifting me out of my guilt by the scarred hands that bled for my transgressions. I want to take some of Your pain away so that I don't have to be reminded. But all my excuses will not change what my sin cost You. Forgive me Lord for making light of what You have done for me. Thank You for forgiving my sin and my trying to make excuses too.

Who Do I Believe?

Sometimes I am sure that my thinking gets me in trouble. I over think many situations, relationships, and my own abilities and failures.

I've been dealing with a situation recently that I really want resolved. I do not like being misunderstood. I want to be heard and I want to come to a mutual understanding with the other person involved. But I must admit to myself that it may not happen.

The hardest part about the entire conflict is that the longer the conflict lasts the more I think about my part. I analyze and work it over in my mind again and again. I try my best to be fair and honest but all too often I begin to spiral my way down into a dark hole. I begin to believe only bad about myself. I do not trust my motives or the truth. It is my belief about myself that will change my life for the better or for the worse.

What do I believe about myself? Do I believe the truth or do I believe a lie that seems to right? Do I trust all the things God has put into me, or do I trust the voice I hear in my head that heaps piles of past failures on me? Do I let the lies cloud my thinking? Sadly I must say "yes."

I want to believe in the person that God sees in me. I want to believe the truth He speaks over me, but I don't always believe. The truth I heard today from Beth Moore was that if I am ever going to change my life I must start believing God. I cannot change unless I believe what He says about me. I have to stop the pity party and take time to listen. I remember the times I have listened and changes have been made. Those are good times.

Who do I believe? God or me?

Sovereign God, You speak only truth. You know me inside out. It is You I must believe when I look at myself. You are my mirror. Thank You for revealing the truth to me. Even when the truth hurts, I know it is for my good. Forgive me for the times I believe my own thinking. It can never bring me change. My eyes can only see things as a shadow. Let me hear You speak into my heart and my head so I might believe what is true. Help me to turn away from my own thinking and let Your thoughts become my own.

Thinking about what I am good or not good at is one thing that can get me in trouble fast. It is never good to concentrate to long on yourself.



When I let my thoughts linger over what I do best, I can become prideful and sometimes judgemental of others. If I do something well then I have a hard time learning something new or changing my old ways. When trying to be creative, it is never smart to put yourself into a box and only do the same things over and over. Over thinking my positives can lead to obstacles that keep me from being all I can be.

On the other hand, focusing on my "need to change" habits will lead me down a dark and downward spiral that will halt any productive activity. Thinking about my self in a negative way is selfish and maybe even a cop-out for doing what I know I should do. Yes, I am convinced that my thinking can get me in a pit of quick sand that is hard to escape.

There is one kind of thinking that is always helpful and can lead to a changed life. When my thoughts are in unity with the truth of Gods' Word, I will begin to believe and act on that truth.

Die for Him?

I have made plans for my future. I know the house and neighborhood in which I'd like to live. I know what I'd like to be doing as a career for the next few years and I know what I want my family to be like. Of course all of these dreams are the best I can think of for me and my loved ones. I would never plan a disaster or sickness or dissolved relationship to be a part of my dream.

Today, I was daydreaming about the house I really really want to have. It is not big and fancy, but I love the feeling it gives me when I've walked through the rooms. This house has been on the market for a long time now. It is a little more than we want to pay, but it has also come down in price a little. Our house has not sold yet, either, and so my dream house remains a dream.

My dream may or may not be my Heavenly Fathers' dream for me. He may have other plans. The question that has haunted me today has been: Would I die to my dream in order to have His dream? This question makes me stop. I know God is good and all He does is right, but what if I don't want what He wants for me? What if I don't want to let my dream die?

My desires are deep within me and are so much a part of me that to let them go is a death. There will be mourning and sorrow. But, again, God is good and always right. He loves me and wants the very best for me. Maybe those things are not the best of this world, but they are the best of His heavenly world. Jesus has promised that letting go to my life will give me a greater life. God has promised that joy comes in the morning!

It all boils down to trusting in a good and righteous, loving God. How do I know He has my best interests at heart? I know because of the body wrapped in linen and placed in a tomb to be raised from the dead in three days. Jesus' death, burial and resurrection is my sign that He loves. He is trustworthy. He is Good.

Can I die for Him? Can I lay aside my desires to take His desires as my own? I cannot say it is easy. Over the years I have been tested with the little things in life. Some bigger things are being tested now. All I am sure of is that I do want Gods' best for my life. I may struggle in the dying, but I will do my best to always look into His face for the courage to let go and let Him raise me up!

Dearest Lord Jesus, You died for me. It was an awful, painful death. You suffered for me so that I might have the best You could give. Thank You. I struggle with letting go. I see my dreams and desires as the best for me. I don't want to let you or anyone tell me what I need. But that is wrong. You do know what is best. You will do the right thing if I let You. Help pry my fist open so that I can hold onto Your dreams: the plans that are best for me! I do trust You!

The Miracle of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a God-like quality. It begins with God. We would not know forgiveness if God was never revealed to us through His interaction with people and through His word. His forgiveness of us makes possible our forgiveness of others.

Gods' act of forgiving began with a promise to send a Savior. He, himself, became our Redeemer and removed the remembrace of our sin. Sunday, Pastor John mentioned that Forgiveness is needed when we cannot forget. God forgot our sin when He forgave us. It is an awesome thought to think that God did it all. He did not ask us to pay the price and then we would be forgiven. He is the covenant maker and the covenant keeper.

The process of forgiveness can be a painful journey for the one who has been hurt. God also took a painful journey to rid us of our sin. It is said that forgiveness is not for the one forgiven but the one who forgives, but both are set free in the process of removing the wall of sin. The person forgiven may not know or receive the pardon, but he is no longer bound eternally by the accusations of the one setting him free. The one who pardons another will experience freedom in thoughts and emotions. It may take a very long time or a constant returning to the conscience act of forgiveness to find the freedom but it will come. In it all there is a miracle of new life; a life free from the past and ready to start anew.

The miracle of forgiveness is the intervention of God in our sinful lives. It is a joyous experience to forgive. It is a miracle to be forgiven and made clean.

Savior God, You are a miracle worker! You have taken our sin and made it disappear to the place where even You have forgotten! You set us free to receive Your pardon. You are Good! You have also given us the power and grace to free others when they have hurt us. Forgive us when we hold on to those hurts. Help us to relase our grip on those things that can only bind us to the past. Thank You for supplying all our need when we need to forgive!

Bible Study

Bible Study on Saturday mornings starts early. By early I mean 7:00 a.m. Yes, I get up every Saturday morning to study the word with some incredible women. I didn't always enjoy getting up early for a time of study. I am not a morning person. Mornings, for me, should be quiet and never in a hurry to get out the door. Especially on Saturdays!

It has been a surprise for me to discover that I really enjoy this special meeting with God and friends. Though it is hard to roll out of bed and make myself somewhat presentable, I have come to find a slight spring in my step, and an eagerness in my heart to open the bible and learn from each woman what God has shown her throughout the week. I believe the draw is in the adventure of finding treasure hidden behind each word and in each precious heart.

When the alarm goes off and I finally put my feet to the floor, I begin to think of the passage designated for that days' study. I review in my mind the revelations God has given me throughout the week. I am in awe. Then, I walk out the door into the morning air to be amazed at Gods' glorious creation. Lately the morning is crisp and the sky is just beginning to brighten with the sun. Next week I will see the stars still twinkling with one last effort to make their presence known before the sun reigns over the day. I am awed again by the hand of God which created this beauty and delight! I am full before I even walk in the door!

We begin with a simple prayer of praise and request for understanding. Then we listen to His story. Next, we tell how our story has been changed by His. Time sharing our hearts desires and concerns with each other and our Father closes our time together. We are fortified to not only face the world but to embrace our day with arms full of love, the first of which is given in hugs for one another. A simple start to the day filled with beauty and riches.

I have learned to receive Gods' message whatever time of day it might be sent. That is a lesson I learned from this mornings study of Luke 2:8-20 when the angels came to the shepherds to announce the birth of Christ. The shepherds were startled to receive the Good News in the dark of night. I might be surprised to hear Good News early on a Saturday morning. The truth is that Gods' news is always good no matter what time it is given!

Good News Maker and Giver, you have filled my heart with good things every Saturday morning that I meet You at Bible Study. Thank You for letting us sit in Your presence! Thank You for being faithful to show up every week! Forgive me, Lord, for the days I come with slow feet. Certainly You are worthy of my attendance with joy. Open my ears to hear Your Good News every day and at all times! I love to hear Your voice!

Earthquakes and Tsunamis

This morning I woke up to the news about the earthquake in Japan. The scenes of destruction that were shown were horrific. The tsunami wave flooding the streets and washing away buildings, boats, and cars was just as bad or worse. The fires and threats from the nuclear plants all added to the drama of the day.

My mind was not on the hundreds or thousands affected by this disaster today. Of course I thought of all the people who were caught up in the tragic events of this day, but one name kept coming to me.

Yukio Yamaguchi was a foreign exchange student years ago. We were her host home and we fell in love with this amazing young woman. She was very open to learning all about us and our culture. She worked hard with us to communicate. Yukio became very dear to us. Though she was not required to attend church with us, she insisted that we let her come. She was so intrigued by the Good News of Gods' love for us in Jesus, that she asked for a bible. Later a friend from church provided her with a bible in Japanese.

It has been many years since we have heard from Yukio, but today her name was in my prayers. I thought about all the other people and wondered if anyone cared for them by name? Certainly their loved ones did, but was there anyone from far away that cared? The answer most assuredly is "yes." Jesus cared. Jesus prayed to His Father for all the lost and broken people who were calling out in their terror. Jesus knew their names.

I enjoy a special song that speaks of "The King who remembers my name." I love that thought. no matter how many Carolynn's come to Jesus, He knows my name. He knows me. He can pick me out of a crowd and call my name with just the right nuance so that I know it is me He calls. Whatever part our Yukio had in this event, if anything at all, Jesus knows her name. He knows each person who had died, lost a loved one, or has had their lives turned upside down. I can pray for the people of Japan, but only one soul by name. God is more than enough for each and every person there.

Father, You are still in control. You are aware of every life and every name that has suffered today. You have loved each of them. You have always been there for them if they asked. Though I do not understand it all, I know that You are good. I believe, Lord, Help my unbelief! Thank You for being present even in the disaster. Help those who would call for You to find You quickly and believe wholeheartedly. Lord, if our friend Yukio was touched by the earthquake and tsunami, please help her, be with her. Thank You.

A Shot in the Arm

Today I went to the allergist to get my monthly shots. I get one in each arm. It takes very little time and the needles are very small. However, sometimes they can hurt worse than at other times.

If the nurse moves the needle when it has pierce my skin there is quite a bit of pain. It can also hurt if she nicks a nerve. I know the nurses do not mean to hurt me, but I really want them to take their time and hold their hands steady. I want the least amount of pain. The allergy serum can make my arm swell, and if the shot giver adds to the trauma, I can find myself with tender arms for days.

Today's shots reminded me of Jesus. He was pierced with nails large enough to go through his hands and feet and then into the plank of wood. I imagine they must have been huge! The soldiers that pounded the nails were not sympathetic, nor did they care about anything other than getting the job done. I'd like to think that they detested their job, and so did it as quickly as possible. In the end it would not matter if they held the nail carefully, or tried not to hit a nerve. The man on the cross would be dead soon, and so they just did what had to be done.

Just what did have to be done? Jesus had to die in order for me to live. He had to suffer the punishment for my sin, even the sin committed just today. Jesus was pierced for my sins of thought, word, and deed. My tiny needle in the arm is nothing compared with what Jesus did for me, but it can help me to be grateful for what my Savior did for me.

Dearest Lord Jesus, You are my hero! You saved me from myself and from the Evil One! You gave me a chance to be free from sin and death! Thank You for enduring the pain that You did not deserve. Thank You for loving me that much! Forgive me all my sins, Lord. I have many. Teach me how to fight against my sin so that Your suffering would be worth it in the end. I bow my heart and my knee to You.