My husband and I are planning to visit our Moms in Colorado this summer. I've been looking forward to it until lately. I guess you could say I am afraid of seeing my mom as she declines in years. Don't get me wrong, she is very healthy physically, but she seems to be having some mental issues according to my sister who lives near her and watches over her for all of us who are away. I don't want to see my Mom struggle. What ever I find when I see her, I pray it won't be as bad as my mind is conjuring. I want my visit to be pleasant and filled with great memories.
I've parented my four children and have also been an integral part of parenting five others, not to mention all the advice I have given to young Moms along the way. I actually have a degree in child development and family relationships. Though I've made mistakes, I think we did a good job as parents. Lately, I have felt judged as far below what I think I am. I guess there is pride involved. My children are not perfect. They try to live Godly lives, but like everyone they fall short. For the most part they learn from their mistakes and accept the consequences with courage. They also know that when they fail they can return to Jesus for forgiveness and that is what makes them good Christians, not perfection. I am proud of my family!
Babies need alot of love. They can never get enoughof the tender loving touches that help them grow. In my opinion I believe that everytime a baby cries they should be attended to. It builds trust between the child and the parent/caregiver. When a baby, who is not able to do for themselves, is left to cry it out they learn that they are unimportant and that they cannot trust those who can supply their need. Of course this should not last forever. There does come a time when the parent/caregiver recognizes that the baby is pulling strings to stay lazy and not responsible for his/her own needs. The age may vary but it usually comes around the age of six months in my opinion. You may think I am a supporter of spoiling a child, but I like what I read somewhere that "Spoiling is doing for your child what they cannot do for themselves." So it doesn't hurt to hold your baby and let them sleep in your arms if you want to! Just remember that someday it will have to end!
As my family has grown and we have added new people into our lives and grandbabies are coming along, I am feeling like I am looking in at them all through a window. I wonder why and how I can get back inside to enjoy the closeness. It isn't that I am excluded from activities or gatherings, but even in the middle of it all I somehow seem to be on the fringe. I can't seem to join in a conversation except for short little agreements or disagreements of what is being talked about. I feel as if my thoughts are out of place and maybe "old-fashioned" and no one wants to hear them. so I sit and listen and enjoy the fun that others are having. It makes me feel old. I really don't feel old on the inside. I know I have experiences and wisdom and stories to share, but when sharing them brings comments, rolled eyes, and snickers I guess it makes me rethink my place. Maybe I do need to be on the outside on the front porch. Maybe someday someone will come and sit with me and listen to my stories. Till then I will listen to theirs!
Random thoughts are now settled. They no longer need to float around my head and keep me occupied. Journaling is good for that purpose! Maybe you need to write something down too.