I do not like roller coasters. I especially dislike the roller coaster of my inner life.
Roller coasters take the rider on a series of ups and downs and sometimes upside down. They go slow and then suddenly speed up. Some people enjoy the thrill and anticipation of the slow move upward only to pause just a moment at the top before the plunge into a series of twists, turns and ups and downs. Like I said, I don't like roller coasters.
Even though I will not willingly get on a coaster for fun, I look back over my life and see one huge unstoppable coaster ride. This is true especially in my perception of my worth. I don't think I am alone in this. There are many out there just like me but we put on a good act for others. We are okay with ourselves aren't we? We are having fun?
Over the years I have at times liked myself, and at other times I have seen so much that I don't like! I want to change things like not letting my fears stop me from living an abundant life, not being so selfish, be more generous, be able to lose the weight that has been far too long holding me back from looking my best, or allowing myself to need others. I am at one of those down times right now. I have a long list of things I'd like to see changed in me right now. Bible Study and inspirational books have led me to examine myself and found myself lacking.
My walk with God has taught me that my best human efforts, by themselves, can never accomplish a lasting change in me. I must release these things to God, placing them in Jesus' hands and then obey the Holy Spirit promptings. To do this 1. I must know who God is for me in that area of my life. 2. I must be ready to let go and committed to His better way of managing my life. 3. I must obey to receive the blessing.
Lately, I have heard from various sources the story of Abraham and Issac. God is speaking to me through this story. He has offered me a choice just like Abraham. Abraham was blessed by God because he withheld nothing from God, not even his cherished son of promise. God is asking me to withhold nothing from Him. Because God is a God of relationship not religion, He also gives me a promise: "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord will give grace and glory. No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." Psalm 84:11
Sovereign God , my Father and Friend, I give thanks to You for Your generous and giving heart. You withhold nothing from those who love You and obey Your word. I want to give You all that I am and all that I have. It is a daily decision that seems lost sometimes but I will always come back to the place where I offered myself completely to You. You are my Lord and Savior. You are my King and Deliverer. Even in the coaster ride of life I choose to let You be in charge of the ups and downs, the twists and turns. I am Yours!
1 comment:
Life is a rollercoaster and there is no way around that. It is full of love, sadness, joy, and sorrow. If we didn't have sorrow we wouldn't know what joy was. If we didn't have anticipation then there would be nothing to look forward to. Yes, life has ups and downs and the downs suck. For everyone. But they are what lift us up to be happy!
Everyone puts on acts. You're not alone. And if someone says otherwise, they're a lier. I'll call them out on it. Hell, I put on faces and acts for people. At times it's a sign of respect.
We all go through times where we don't like ourselves. I go through them too. The thing is to have a "goal". Even if it seems like it takes forever, you have a goal and something to look forward to. Goals always make me smile. It's the journey to the goal that makes it worth the work.
As for your changes that you would like to make. That's all up to you. You can't rely on others or God to change them for you. God is your coach and family and friends are cheerleaders to help you along. Listen to God, yes, but don't isolate yourself with him. He gave you people for a reason, use them too!
You want to live an abundant life. Live it. Someone once told me that you can't build Rome in a day and that is the same with building your life. You build it one step at a time. One small step at a time. Otherwise you'll be struggling to walk. Think of actions before you move. Think of thoughts before you speak. Even if someone's waiting for 5 minutes for you to do something. Patience is a virtue to all.
Bible studies and walking with God teach you a lot. Just don't forget to walk with others. What's wrong with needing others? A life with just you and God is a nun's life. Which is great for nuns. But if you're not then you're loosing out on the joy that others have and can bring to your life. They walk with him too. Don't isolate your life!
Open yourself up little by little. You'll see a change.
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