Voices from the Past

Three voices from my past visited me this week. They were surprises that delighted my soul!

The first actually began two weeks ago when I received an email from a little sister of a past boyfriend. I had been trying to contact her older sister who is my age. Their brother was killed in Vietnam while I was dating him. Losing contact with the family was easy. We reminded each other of better times, and soon after the funeral we stopped communicating. Through the wonder of email I was able to send a message to her. Yesterday, I opened my inbox to find her much too brief description of her life over the past 36 years. My heart aches to know more! I have hopes of renewing a dear friendship even if only tied together with the email. God has blessed!

The second one also came through the email! A High School friend that reconnected with me briefly at our 40th class reunion last year, emailed me a forward about aprons. She shared some of her memories and I was able to offer her a glimpse of my memories. We also shared a few tidbits about our personal lives! I feel a connection to her that has at times, been stretched very thin over the years. My heart desire is to grow deeper roots with her through correspondence. My life is blessed to know she chose me to share her memories.

The third voice came over the phone. No name came up on the caller id and I was tempted to not answer. I did, and the gentle older woman on the other end of the phone said, "Hello, this is Brigid." I chuckled a bit under my breath and replied, "Brigid, who?" When she told me she was Brigid Flannigan I knew immediately that she was "Sister" Brigid, a former nun who taught me in grade school. She was the choir director and we all loved her, maybe because she was young and full of joy and energy! We had a long talk. I was blessed to know she was sending my Grandbabies #4 and #5 each a blanket she had made. God has filled her life with many interesting adventures and yet she still remembered me and my family! Her desire to be welcomed back into my life was surprising and wonderful!

Voices from the past have brought a rainbow of sweet enjoyment to my week! I treasure the words, written or said, recalling them over and over so I won't forget. These lives have been a part of who I am today, and their voices have made me thankful that I heard them day after day over several years. These voices were not as precious then as they are now. The passing of time has made the sound of their voices an uplifting hymn of praise for a God who gives the best of gifts!

Father I love that You are able to delight me with treasures of relationships and the joy of finding something I thought lost. Thank You for the gifts of these three voices. Thank You for Brigid, Marj, and Linda! You are an awesome and wonderful God!

Knowledge

"Knowledge hurts sometimes!" My granddaughter, Paige, exclaimed the other day. I had to agree with her.

I have pondered her words and I'm reminded that God, Himself, imposed limits on knowledge back in the Garden of Eden. The one tree forbidden to eat of its fruit was the Tree of the Knowledge of good and evil. There is much good to learn in our world. I must agree with God that the Knowledge of Evil hurts. Is there Good that we should not know? Does knowing good hurt also? If our marvelously GOOD God would withhold good from us there must be a reason. There is so much I do not know about the knowledge of good and evil.

I love to learn about this great and wonderful world. I love the life stories of people who have graced our planet and I learn so much from them. I especially enjoy learning about God. Knowledge to me is delightful most of the time, but there are moments when it hurts. When I am forced to change because of the facts presented to me, or when my comfortable world of relationships and circumstances are upended because of a new piece of information, it can hurt. It is then that my Faithful, All-Knowing God makes the knowledge of hurtful things to be good in my life.

Omniscient God and Father, You are always near, leading me and teaching me the things I must know. You give me knowledge of You and I thank You for the privilege of being Your child! When knowledge hurts, Lord, draw me close to You. Guard my mind and thoughts against the evil of this world and watch over me in good times and bad! I love You !

Loving to Learn

I have lived many years. My Granddaughters think I am old! In all my years I have been delighted to learn new things, ponder new ideas and, though change is not easy for me, I will change if I find it to be a good thing.

I am learning new things now that my life is turning in a different direction. Relationships will be different. Surroundings will not be the same. My work will change. I am preparing myself for these changes, but I know that some of the learning will take place as I walk in the new places that God is ordaining for my life.

God will be my teacher. He will lead me by His Spirit. I will know the way is good because of Him!

Learning is fun! Learning is part of living! Learning is a great inheritance! I learned to love learning through my Mom and Dad who taught by example! Thanks Mom and Dad! I love to learn!

Rabbi Jesus, You are the greatest of Teachers! You are the Source of all answers. You wisely gave us a world of wonder and awe to explore! I can never know all that You know, but more than anything I want to know YOU! Thank You for giving me curiosity and questions! I want to learn about You and the world You have given me to explore! Lead me! Teach me!

Truth?

I am blessed with good friends. Friends who really care tell you what they think and will give you their "honest selves." Fred Rogers of Neighborhood fame said that "The best thing you can give others is your honest self." I agree, and I do try my best to let you see the real me.

After reading my last blog entry, a good friend confronted me about my confession to being prideful. She was adamant that she saw no pride in me at all. She provided proof through scripture and through her experience with me. It was humbling to listen to her espouse what she saw as my virtues. After thinking it over, I had a few thoughts of my own: 1. If truth is absolute, we both cannot be right in the assessment of the pride issue of my heart. 2. If I am to give others my honest self, I must also be honest with myself. I must look to God for the truth in my heart. I must accept the true condition of my heart as revealed by God. I must tell myself the truth before I can tell the truth to others.

I must admit that my friend may see only part of my inner life. I do struggle with being puffed up with pride, believing myself to be better than others at times. I don't want to be that way, and so I keep watch over my heart in that matter. When those thoughts come, I do battle and I must say most often I am victorious.

My blog yesterday was a glimpse into my thoughts. It was meant to be more about Jesus' sacrifice of His reputation as God in the flesh for me who failed Him in my sin. So, Yes, I battle pride, the puffed up image of myself as better than others. Yes, I have not lived pridefully towards others. Yes, I gave you my honest self.

Whatever good you might see in me, it is the work of the Holy Spirit. Whatever truth is to be known must come from the God who knows all and discerns the truth in each heart.

God of all knowledge, You see all of who I am! You have knitted me together and You know my strengths and weaknesses. You lead me with love, patience and truth. Thank You for keeping me honest before my dear friends. Teach me to open my heart to You first and to the world with Your direction. I rely on You alone!

Humility in the Flesh

My pride surfaced again the other day. Unfortunately, when my pride raises itself up I don't like what I look like! I had to stand in front of a mirror held out to me by my beloved Savior, and see myself through eyes of truth. Not easy.

I am proud of my good name. I am proud of the reputation I hold in the church and community. It is not easy to let someone elses' failures to reflect on me. But that is exactly what has happened. I saw my pride and then I saw what my Savior Jesus did for me! He took my messed up "Reputation" as His own. He took my failures and let them be on Him!

Jesus has told me to love as He loves me. He is humility in flesh. What am I to do? I am to let His thoughts of me be more important that the thoughts of men. I can rejoice more completely in His sacrifice as I take on my sacrifice for the ones I love. It is a hard lesson, but worth the revelation of God in my life!

Lord Jesus, You are Humble and gentle with sinners. I am a sinner. Thank You for revealing Yourself to me and allowing me to partake of Your suffering, even in such a little way!

Memories

Fathers' Day was a day of memories. We made memories with the family, especially the long awaited reunion of my Son-in-law to his family. Johns' sermon brought memories from long ago. Both are precious treasures hidden away in our minds and hearts.

Smiles, grins, giggles and screams of excitement filled the house! Daddy was home to stay for my Granddaughters! They never thought the day would come, but it did. It came with the power of God who protected and provided! Joy flooded our hearts and filled the house with happy noise! Memories of faces and voices delighted with the day will be treasured.

Strong healing memories of my Daddy flooded my mind during Pastor Johns' sermon. I will never forget my Dads' call to me after an argument that sent me down the road, determined never to come back. "Carolynn, Come home!" he called. It is what I needed and wanted to hear. A tender memory of love, forgiveness and reunion.

Memories. We never want to lose them! We hold on to them long after the day is gone. They are worth more than all the gold in the world.

Father, You are the best of Dads! You are perfect in dealing with Your children. I don't tell You enough how much I love You for making me Your child. Thank You for watching over my memories. Thank You for the gift of memory! Comfort those who have lost that gift and restore to them the joy of knowing the good You have brought into their lives! Teach me to treasure the gift always.

Living Abundantly

We are a busy people. When asked how we are doing, we so often reply that we are busy and much is happening in our lives. It is true! We are busy.

I awoke this morning making my mental list of things to do and planning for everything we want to do this summer. The list is long! Even this blog is on my list. Listening to God as I went through my list, I heard Him say that my life is full. I had to agree. My cup overflows!

I admit I sometimes would like less overflowing from my cup, but when I think of it, I certainly look at each activity as a gift. I am living life fully! I live life in relationship with Jesus, family and friends. I live a life of abundance that demands stewardship. I live a life of communication that compels me to share.

Are you busy? Maybe we all need to change our "Busy" response to the "How are you?" question, and make it "Full!" We are blessed and God is giving us abundant life. Let us make the most of every day, especially in building our relationship with God and others!

God, my Father, You are More than I could ever dream! You are the Fullness of everything good! I am not proud of the way I sometimes push away Your abundance in my life. I know that relationship is important to You and I do not always make time for those dear people You have given me. Thank You for my family and friends. Show me how to treasure them in my heart and make time for them in my full life! You are so Good!

Celebration

What are you celebrating today? It may not be a holiday, birthday, anniversary or other special day, but there is always something to celebrate, especially if you are part of God's forever family!

Today I am celebrating the birthday of my oldest child. Seems funny to call her a child, but as I think of the day she was born, she is my baby! She is a beautiful woman. Erin has proven herself to be faithful, strong and a woman who gives of her time and resources to make this world a better place, full of smiles! She has learned to rely on God in all things. Though there were times she struggled to trust God, her faith in His goodness helped her to believe she could trust.

Waiting on the Lord was not easy, yet Erin is receiving what she has long awaited and is giving God the glory for getting her through those long dark and stormy nights when waiting seemed like an eternity. I am so happy for her!I want this birthday to be one she will never forget because of the overwhelming blessings that are falling on her!

Even if Erin never received these long awaited blessings we could still celebrate. Salvation is a daily celebration for the Lord is to be praised, glorified, magnified and made famous for all He has done to give us eternal life.

So, how about YOU? Can you celebrate God's salvation today? If you have it, find a way to celebrate it! If you do not own His salvation just ask. He wants you to have it for free!

This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Glory be to You Lord Most High! You are our Saving Lord and our Strong Refuge in times of trouble! You are our Hope and Blessing! You are our truth! Life is so often difficult, Lord, and we Your people don't often feel like celebrating! Forgive us for not believing in your goodness that can be celebrated in every day!Thank You for proving to us over and over that You are worthy!

Ripples

The waters are being stirred! God is moving in a mighty way. If we have eyes let us see if we have ears let us hear! If we have a voice let us shout His name throughout the earth!

This year has been full of the movement of God around me. I am delighted to be involved in what He is doing. Sunday there was no doubt He made a special visit to our church body! Our Pastor challenged those who had not made a public confession for Christ in Baptism to come forward. They came! 43 from 2 services entered the waters of baptism with the clothes in which they came to church. Young and old came and the waters were stirred! Those 43 were not the only ones moved. There were tears that flowed and hearts that were touched. I believe there were hearts changed and people who believed for the first time!

The stirring has not stopped! Patrick and I asked for a miracle healing for his knee in the midst of the stirring. We seek wisdom from God not just the medical community. God is uniting our family after a long wait. He is bringing home the prodigal and setting right the order of the family! We have prayed for revival and we want it first in our hearts and our family!

There are many signs that Jesus may soon come again to take His church as His bride. Even if this is not the time prophesied I believe we are being readied for when it does come. We are falling in love again with our first love! We are being cleansed and renewed. We are being readied for our Bridegroom!

The waters are stirring........What do you desire from God? He is here. He is enough. He is waiting! Come!

God of wonders, You are Faithful, True, Glorious, Real! You are Hope. I cannot stand in Your presence! My knee must bow before You! I am only worthy because of Your Son And His shed blood to enter into Your Throne room! Thank You for letting me see, letting me hear, letting me stand beside You in the work You are doing! show me what You would have me do! I will follow You. I will do it!

Planting Seeds

Today at Bible Study we talked about how amazing it is that we plant one little seed and it will grow and blossom and bring forth fruit. We do so little to make the fruit appear. We only put the seed in the ground. It got me thinking.....

We have opportunities to plant and water seeds every day. We may not see the growth and often we forget about the roots that grow deep from those seeds. It can be years later that we see the result of our work. Granted our work was multiplied by God's hand and His working, but our minuscule effort was part of the result.

I checked out my Facebook page today. I had a friend request from someone long ago. I thought about how our roots connected us to one another. A seed is planted, roots grow deep and wide and connections are made. We remember. We are connected, not because of our efforts alone, but by the work of God in our lives! He is a connection expert! He works miracles to bring growth to us individually and as a body! I believe those connections never go away if God is the author of the relationship!

Father, You have many children all connected to one another by the blood of Your Son Jesus Christ! You are a the source of our lives whether we be near or apart! I sometimes think I am more than I really am. I puff up with pride and make myself believe that I am the maker of relationships. Forgive me. Thank You for roots that connect me to others here on the earth! Thank You for the blessings of being a part of the growth You make happen! I want to walk closely to You and be a part of Your work here on earth!

DIY?

I love to watch the shows that fix up old houses and messed up places. It amazes me to watch the transformation from complete chaos to a masterpiece!

It takes a lot of hard work too! I never see someone doing the work all alone. They work in groups or at the very least have support from others. The same is true for life repairs and fix ups. We need people who will stand by us and lend a hand when necessary. It really can't be a DIY (Do It Yourself) project.

Breaking a bad habit or starting a good one requires some accountability to motivate and keep us on track. A good friend is someone who sticks with you even when you resist or fall short. They want what is best for you and best is not quitting!

Jesus did so much more than just being a friend while we were still in sin. He did the work Himself! He took our sin away and left a new creation in its place! He is the ultimate fixer upper!

Jesus, You are an Amazing Creator! You are the Builder of good things! You are my Fixer Upper! You are my friend as I try to be good! I know that I can never do it myself. I need You, Lord! I need other people to stand beside me. Thank You for always being there for me. Thank You for the gift of friendship. Show me the truth about what needs to be fixed in my life.

Books, Books, Books

I love books. Old and new, books send out a sirens call to me, drawing me to bring them home to my already overflowing bookcases. Will I ever have enough?

I heard recently that a book given as a gift is really and invitation to a conversation. The giver wants to enjoy the experience of the book with the recipient. I know that is true for me. When I give a book I really want to know what you think about it. Did you enjoy it? Or not? What did you learn, if anything? One thing I always want to know is that you did read it.

For the past few summers I have spent my reading time immersed in the Black, Red, White Trilogy by Ted Dekker. It took me three summers to really get a grasp of the story and the underlining message. I now have a pile of books to look into this summer, accumulated from the past three that I spent revisiting the dual worlds in the Trilogy. I do not know what I will choose to read this summer, but it would be fun to share with you!

I have heard that to be a good writer you should read, read, read, and write, write, write! I am doing my part and I do hope that my efforts are rewarded.

Father, You are the Author of the greatest book given to mankind! I love Your words and Your story! You give wisdom and life through all the laughter, tears, struggles, failures and victories that fill Your pages. I can never compare to You ! No other author that I enjoy compares to You. Thank You for reaching out to us with Your words. Thank you for the gift of communication and relationship! You gave me Your word so we might have a conversation. Help me to turn to You for that revealing time after I read Your Word! Thank You!

Last Day

Today is the last day of school for my granddaughters. They have had tears and also a bit if fun looking back over the fun times. They are now officially in 3rd and 5th grades.

I miss promotions! Seems like I am stuck in the same grade level that I achieved with my first born! I guess it is because I keep having kids come back into the house for me to care for them. Don't get me wrong, I love my children and grandchildren and all the other children who have blessed my home. As of late, though, I have had a deep desire to be promoted to an adult home, that is meant for just me and my man! I want my grandchildren to come visit and then leave me to enjoy the evening with Patrick alone.

Will I miss the noise? The mess? The drama? Probably. mostly I will miss their inquisitive minds, creative work and play and the love that seems ever present! For now, I get to have them near. For now, I need to enjoy each day. For now, I will keep on dreaming about my future promotion.

Soon coming King, You are Wise to make us wait for Your coming and our promotion into Your eternal kingdom! I have so much to learn before I see You face to face! Thank You for filling me with hope and patience but mostly with the love of little children! Bless them, O Lord!

God Sighting!

Prayers answered, a surprise even though it was expected! God is moving. It may have seemed slow for so long but finally a big move has been made.

God is huge! It His time and His way He cannot be stopped! I'd like to give all the details but for now I am praising God. He has taken us through a long and sometimes arduous journey. He has never failed us even when He has moved slowly to the end we have all longed. He is good and trustworthy and today we celebrate who He is more than what He has done!

Yes, all He has done is great and worthy of praise, but He Himself is more than enough!

God, our Father, Lord, King, Friend, You are more than enough and yet You have given more than we deserve! You give us what we desire in our hearts. You give us life abundantly! Thank You for this surprise gift of Your faithful action on our behalf! Thank You for being good! Complete the good work You have begun in us and through us. We give You the glory!

Friends in High Places

I have friends in high places that pull me up when I am feeling low. How about you? If your friends are in low places, they will pull you down with them. I have a few low down friends too, but most are in high places communing with the Most High God!

Thank you to Corrine, Jenny, Carol, M.E., Connie, and so many many more! You lift me up when I am down and you also push me to greater things! Thanks for being ready with a thoughtful and encouraging word! I hope that I am a Friend in high places for you as well!

Most High God, You are a Friend to me when no one else can be! I need you and rely on You to send me friends who speak Your words of encouragement! Thank You for being so generous with You gifts of friendship! Help me to be a friend to others as You are!

Forgive Me

After posting and rereading my post, I must let you know that I desire connections, but I often fall into the trap of thinking there is a connection with my short and sweet conversations.

I have not followed through on what I know I should do to connect with you.

Please forgive me. Be patient with me as I learn, grow stumble and fall in connecting with you. I'll be patient with you too!

Thanks for reading!

Carolynn

Connect

"Reach out and touch someone" was a popular advertisement for the phone company awhile back. It was meant to get us connected with others by way of the telephone. with the advent of the internet we now have email, Facebook, My Space, and Twitter among other vehicles that want us to "Connect" with one another. But is there a real connection?

I admit that there are moments when I think I've made a connection with someone. Most often it is when they send the message that yes, they want to be my friend, or when I find someone i have not spoken to in ages. Unfortunately a dialog of surface communication falls short of connecting. We "like" what someone has said, or we make a comment about their post and sometimes we have a "Thread" of a conversation that spans a small amount of space. Though it may cover a few hours it is only a few minutes in real time. Even now with my blog I wonder where the other side of the conversation lives. Are my readers smiling, laughing, crying, wondering? With our face to screen conversations or our quick witted comments are we really connecting to one another?

Yes, there are times we connect, but they are rare. So why do we spend so much time trying to connect through cyberspace when face to face and hand in hand has been proven to be the best way to connect with others?

I asked my Granddaughter to put away her game and connect with her sister and myself as we drove to their swimming class yesterday. She complied with turning off the game, but then there was silence. I waited, but no conversation started so I began by asking a question. A lively conversation ensued. Listening to answers and asking more questions is a valuable tool to connect people. It is difficult to listen without voice inflections, tone and body language. It is hard to ask a question if you seldom get an answer other than "Like."

I hope that I can find a way to really connect with people even through wire or wireless connections. I want to be better at trying to connect! I still prefer face to face.

Father, you desire for us to seek Your face. I admit that I sometimes use the quick and easy way, pretending I have made that daily connection with You, only to realize that I am left hungry for something more. I need the connection with You above all else! I need true connections with others. Thank You for making a way possible for me to connect with You. Thank You for giving us the gift of conversation! Teach me to treasure each moment with You and with others. Our stories are entwined. We grow best when our connections to You and one another are deep and meaningful! Help us grow strong roots in one another!

Keeping Promises

I promise. Those are big words no matter what comes after them. We promise never to do something again, go somewhere, or do a chore. Wedding promises are so important that we celebrate those vows with celebrations fit for a king and queen and then remember them year after year! Promises, little or big are meant to be kept.

It is not easy to keep promises. Many things can stand in our way from following through with what our words have spoken. I find that my promises haunt me. Even if I am late with making good on my word, I do what I can to fulfill it. When I cannot make my promise happen, I need to ask forgiveness and admit my failure. I am becoming more aware of my promises. I am careful to communicate to others, especially children, when saying I will.

We make promises to God, others and ourselves. I know that God forgives. He even gives us everything we need to fulfill our promises to Him. Others may not always be so kind. We may suffer broken relationships when we break our promises to others. Sometimes the vows we make to ourselves become barriers to fulfilling our vows to God and others. Vows should never be spoken lightly but with sincere hearts and counting the cost.

Today I promised to attend my Grandlady, Brooke's', Poetry Play at her class. It was a delight and I am so very glad I kept my promise! I am reminded that Gods' word has said that when we are faithful in little things we will be given more. Being faithful in keeping my little promises will prepare me for being faithful with the big ones!

Faithful and True God, You are the Promise Keeper. Your word is always true and You are faithful to fulfill every promise! I cannot say that I am always faithful, and I do not like it when I fail You. Thank You for showing me the wonderful rewards of faithfulness. Thank You for revealing Yourself in the promises You keep! Guard my mind, heart and mouth when tempted to make promises. change me to be more like You, Lord!

Seeing June

June is a precious jewel. That is how I see it when I ponder the month of June. I guess I am an odd duck "Seeing" months or the days of the week in symbols and colors. But it helps me to celebrate the times that God has given me to enjoy.

My computer reflects the changing months. I change the desktop picture and the colors each month according to how I see them in my mind. June is like a palm sized pearl waiting for me to caress in my two hands. It has a luminescence and beauty that draws me close. It does not hold my birthday, nor anniversary. My oldest daughter celebrates her birthday during the month of June and of course Father's Day is in June. These celebrations don't make June a precious jewel. June simply is.

I am glad June is here. I want to delight in its days, their beauty, their hopes, their unique place in my life.

Ancient of Days, You set the moon, sun, and stars in place to help us mark the days of our lives. You are with us in each day. You are the One who gives us each day and all that it holds! I don't always cherish my days, Lord. I am sorry when I run through each chore just to get the day over. Your gift should never be wasted as I waste it sometimes. Forgive me, Lord! Thank You for the gift of days and nights. Thank You for the gift of the abundance that flows within each one! Teach me to open my eyes to see the wonder of each day. Teach me to listen for Your voice in those special minutes!