After my last post I had purposed to love my family out of love, not duty. As the saying goes, "Easier said, than done."
After dinner last night, I began to put away the leftovers and began fixing a lunch for my beloved, when he proceeded to tell me how he wanted his lunch fixed. Self rose up, and though I was doing as he asked I certainly was not doing it out of love. It became a chore, because I had already had most things wrapped up and/or put away. Extra steps for ME! Self looked very unloving and he finally arose and finished his own by adding the gravy.
This situation has opened my eyes to the lack of love in me. I cannot love on my own. I must have God-love in me. My love can be drained and poured away. God-love is never ending. The more of His love I offer, the more I have to give. (Maybe I need to really believe this before I can live it. This, too, is a revelation of my darkened heart. I need You, Lord! I need You always!)
I now submit and admit to You, God, that I did not serve out of love and certainly there was no humility in me. I offended You, my Savior. You have asked me to follow You, and I fell short of Your example. I was wrapped up in me. I was not willing to allow You, Holy Spirit, to move through me to minister love to my hardworking husband.
To you, my man, to whom I have vowed love and respect and honor, I ask you to forgive my lack of love for you. I do not want to serve you out of duty but to serve you through the love of Christ and the love I hold in my heart for you.