I believe that you can't control your feelings. You can only control what you do with your feelings. I think it is true because a feeling rushes in on me, and I find that I cannot choose how I am going to feel at a particular moment. I can, however, choose what to do once the feeling reveals itself.
Lately, I am dealing with feelings that are associated with loss. No, I have not had a major loss through a death, but even minor losses can evoke strong emotions. I am sad and I am grieving over things that others do not understand. At least they seem to feel free to tell me that I shouldn't feel the way I do. I should be happy. I should think of all the new possibilities for me in the future. I should not dare to feel sad over the ending of good things in my life. I should dare not feel these events as a loss but as ....what?
To tell you the truth, I do see the good side of these event. I do have feelings of excitement, hope, and anticipation. Good feelings are walking hand in hand with grief and sadness. I am certain that you have had that same kind of experience with feelings: mixed up colors washing over you in waves. One splashes over in blues and violets, the next with a bit of sunshine.
My life is a rainbow of feelings, and though you may not want me to feel sadness and grief, I do. I humbly ask you to please let me feel. It is a gift from God so that my life is rich with color! With all that is happening I really don't want to see red when you try to stop me from being me. Could you maybe enjoy the rainbow with me? Can you find a place to let a few tears fall for me alongside the smiles? In that, you will help to make the sad times short, and offer a little more sunshine to my life. Thanks.
1 comment:
Feel! That is God's gift to us. Well, it was Eve's mistake, but whatever!
I understand. Not entierly what you're feeling of course...but I get your drift. I know you know with me. There is always good with the bad, yin is always with yang. The cup will always be half full and half empty. Ces la vive.
I believe what others, including myself at times, are trying to say when they tell you to look at the situation in another way is to look on the brighter side. To not worry so much about the grey. Yes, there are always sorrows and "loses" in life and they can not be ignored. But what I try to do is for every sad thought I have I think of a happy one. That way I do not have a head full of depressing and sad thoughts. Especially now..... It's just like you said in your blog.
It is not bad to talk about the loss. It is bad to talk about it all the time and have it be the only thing you talk to to others though. (Not saying you do~just saying cause some do)
Do not worry. Those who tell you not to feel the way you are feeling are just trying to cheer you up. They are doing what they think is best. (may not be what you want to do or hear, but they're trying out of love) They too are probably sad and do not wish to be, so try to think of something else.
But, sometimes you need to speak of the loss because it is so strong, you can not bear it alone.
I am so contradicting tonight. You are right! What a very colorful world we live in!
I don't know anymore. I'm tired. It's after 10 and I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. Real simple. I agree.
Good night!
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