Monday, October 6, 2008

Feelings

I believe that you can't control your feelings. You can only control what you do with your feelings. I think it is true because a feeling rushes in on me, and I find that I cannot choose how I am going to feel at a particular moment. I can, however, choose what to do once the feeling reveals itself.

Lately, I am dealing with feelings that are associated with loss. No, I have not had a major loss through a death, but even minor losses can evoke strong emotions. I am sad and I am grieving over things that others do not understand. At least they seem to feel free to tell me that I shouldn't feel the way I do. I should be happy. I should think of all the new possibilities for me in the future. I should not dare to feel sad over the ending of good things in my life. I should dare not feel these events as a loss but as ....what?

To tell you the truth, I do see the good side of these event. I do have feelings of excitement, hope, and anticipation. Good feelings are walking hand in hand with grief and sadness. I am certain that you have had that same kind of experience with feelings: mixed up colors washing over you in waves. One splashes over in blues and violets, the next with a bit of sunshine.

My life is a rainbow of feelings, and though you may not want me to feel sadness and grief, I do. I humbly ask you to please let me feel. It is a gift from God so that my life is rich with color! With all that is happening I really don't want to see red when you try to stop me from being me. Could you maybe enjoy the rainbow with me? Can you find a place to let a few tears fall for me alongside the smiles? In that, you will help to make the sad times short, and offer a little more sunshine to my life. Thanks.
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